The growing social media trend we should all be worried about: 'Unhealthy'

We're sharing some of our cringiest, most embarrassing and often most distressing moments, but what are we really getting out of it? asks Melissa Hoyer

A woman wears a wedding dress (right) a woman out on the town in a curler (centre) and a mum with a crying baby (right).
These days many of us are sharing some very truly unexpected things on social media, but should we be? Photos: TikToks

If it’s not on the ‘gram, it didn’t happen. How many times have we heard that little refrain?

We have become hopelessly devoted to digital, documenting every single minutiae of life on a plethora of platforms — Insta, TikTok, Facebook, Threads and, god help us, even the business-minded LinkedIn. Some of the stuff that gets posted is just complete rubbish - and I certainly haven’t been immune from having posted some el crappo stuff too.

Now the assumption is that an "event" didn’t happen if there's no online proof, which is ludicrous.

And that kind of thinking is a real worry. Sometimes, it's good to just enjoy the moment instead of concentrating on getting the right snap and uploading it as soon as possible.

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Leading psychiatrist Tanveer Ahmed told Yahoo Lifestyle the benefits and risks associated with sharing on social media are multifaceted, with platforms allowing individuals to feel a sense of connection, sometimes with a large number of people and serving as an outlet for entertainment and self-expression.

“Oversharing is a common concern in the realm of social media and is often characterised by the divulging of excessive private details which can expose individuals to negative evaluation,” Ahmed said.

I have to admit, there was a period when everyone (including me) was constantly capturing "moments", before burying our heads in our phones as we art directed, snapped, filtered, (wittily) captioned and uploaded said fab moments to a platform.

Melissa Hoyer takes a selfie (left) and with a giraffe in the background (right).
Melissa Hoyer says that she's fallen into the trap of wanting to capture every 'moment' on social media. Photo: Instagram

But why? For who? Does anyone really care? Or have we just become a bunch of like and comment-loving narcissists?

As Ahmed said: “people who have difficulties regulating mood are more likely to act out of impulse online", this may be through "outbursts, trolling or oversharing". "Which is essentially an unhealthy coping mechanism,” Ahmed said.

The crazy irony is that we often miss the feeling of "the moment'' because we’re too busy capturing the moment!

And some of what is being showcased is just purely unnecessary. Is it a boredom factor? Is it loneliness or a cry for praise and acknowledgement that, yes, what I’m doing is worthy?

“Research generally shows that healthy use of social media is when it is a partial extension of someone's already existing personality,” Ahmed said. “Really social people mostly organise events while socially anxious people are less likely to post but scroll, often feeling more self-conscious as a result.”

I was reading about a young mum, who shared a video of her baby crying for the duration of a three-hour flight.

But why did she share? The viral video (hello 23 million TikTok views) showed baby Charlotte, crying throughout the flight with mum Jess being brought to tears over the situation, saying she felt completely defeated.

Mum holds crying baby in a series of TikTok stills.
Did this mum really need to share the video of her baby crying on a plane? Photo: TikTok

"We're never going to see these people again, it's going to be OK," Jess says to her baby, as she tells the camera that she thinks everyone on the plane hates her.

Another strange post came from a hopeful bride-to-be who attempted to "prompt" her partner to propose after five and a half years together. The strategy — and get ready to cringe — was to dress up in a wedding frock, so when he got home from work he would be soooo impressed he’d get down on bended knee and propose.

Eek. Well, it didn’t go quite to plan, the bloke saying to the TikToker and mother of his two kids: “What the f**k is that?" while laughing.

Woman dresses up in a wedding dress (left and centre). Her partner arrives home (right).
The wannabe bride was surprised by her partner's reaction. Source: TikTok

"Do you like it?" she asked. "It's not a very good one, is it?" he responded, still laughing.

Why even put this sad scenario on social when it would just make her feel worse and elicit thousands of comments from people wanting her to dump him?

In another recent TikTok video a young woman asked whether she was a bad friend because she allowed her friend to go out with a roller in her hair... the answer to that one seems pretty simple! But why would you share evidence of a prank on a friend online? For the validation, of course.

The affect this social media oversharing has on our younger generations is what should really concern us. Imagine growing up in a world where you think that sharing your worst moments online is normal?

Children and teens are now so comfortable with social media that they often fail to distinguish it from the physical world and that's really scary.

“They are less likely to be aware of the long-term risks associated with oversharing such as privacy or exploitation," Ahmed said.

“They tend to be more impulsive, heavily influenced by their peer group, and less cognisant of long-term privacy issues.

“Particularly younger teenagers, and more notably teenage girls, who are more prone to the negative effects of social media.” There is evidence suggesting that teenage girls are especially susceptible to negative self-comparison associated with social media and online sharing.

“That includes definite concerns such as body image.”

Of course, the world has changed and for some, social media is a big, legitimate, paying job, particularly working in "influencer" and other media landscapes.

But let’s be frank, there’s a little bit of narcissist in us all and people like to show off whatever they’re wearing, doing, seeing or people they’re meeting but we do need a dose of reality: only a small percentage of what we see on social media is "real life" and it is usually the more "appealing" parts.

Making the bed, cleaning the toilet, stacking the dishwasher and shovelling dog poo isn’t exactly riveting stuff so it doesn't make the cut - but that's what real like is really like.

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We often curate the best bits and capture moments that bring joy and happiness. But that joy shouldn’t be lost because of the time spent capturing it.

Sometimes things are best left unseen. Perhaps we all need to think more about personal interactions than perennial posting. External validation is getting more and more important to so many, but seriously, are a few likes and a bit of praise really going to persistently lift your spirits? I don’t think so.

So, is it time to take a breath, step back from constant documenting and just be in the moment? I think so.

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