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In-laws slammed after lockdown wedding tantrum
A bride-to-be has taken to Reddit to share her wedding dilemma after being unable to figure out what to do on her own.
The user, u/Super_Battle9405, took to the Wedding Shaming sub-reddit asking for advice from other users who may have faced a similar battle.
The bride-to-be said she and her partner of almost nine years were attempting to plan their wedding, but after numerous attempts to set a date, things have never worked out.
"Each time, it has got out of hand very quickly in terms of guest list/stress levels/organising, so my partner and I are still waiting to get married," they said.
She continued, saying neither her, nor her partner want a real fuss made over their wedding, and would actually be happy if they could get married "online or post off a signed form" and thought that the coronavirus pandemic would make people more understanding.
"We’d do it that way & just have a small party with immediate family."
However, this plan doesn't sit very well with her mother-in-law, "My MIL has never made any secret of the fact that she wants to host a wedding at their house & invite all their friends & distant relatives. Our problem with that is we don’t feel we could say no to having strangers there in our special day because it’ll be at their house! So hence...small, intimate, low key wedding for us please."
The couple would ideally like to only have six people involved in the ceremony, which would include their children, his parents, and her best friend as her witness as both her parents have passed away.
She said, "We thought social distancing - surely no one could argue with not being there & be happy to hear of some good news coming from 2020. The six people at the registry office would be followed by a small party & meal at our house with just my partner's sister, brother, sister-in-law & nephew joining us."
The bride-to-be continued, "We told people of our plan. Firstly - sister in law (SIL) contacts my partners sister (let’s call her Evie) to tell her about our plan & to “see how she’s feeling” about “not being invited to the wedding.” SIL is a competitive, sht stirring btch (sic) & always has been."
Evie then went "mental" at the woman's partner for "excluding her" from their wedding, not giving the couple to explain their actual plan.
"Evie is a bit of a spoilt brat & used to the world revolving around her. SIL has also been stirring with MIL - texting to ask how she is after an 'upsetting' weekend with our news etc.
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"I, meanwhile, am gutted that our dream low key wedding has been sh*t on by everyone & we decide not to go ahead with it."
She continued, saying that they feel like no matter how they get married, they'll upset someone.
"We have since had a very businesslike email from Evie saying everyone has been upset in one way or another, we can marry how we like & we should just move on now. SIL has also texted me saying 'can this be dropped now' as family is too important. I haven’t replied to either."
They added, "I don't know what to do," asking if she's an "evil witch" for not understanding sibling relationships.
"Why do people do this sh*t stirring thing? I have a lot of feelings - mostly sad because my wedding has been cancelled. Sad that my partner is trying to please everyone when I really feel he should be standing up for me in this case.
"Apprehensive about seeing Evie & SIL. I’m not good at conflict but not good at being fake. Can anyone with siblings or in laws who are control freaks give me their perspective on this?"
She later added that things are now good between the couple and her parents-in-law, but she hasn't been in touch with Evie or the sister-in-law yet.
People were quick to respond to the woman's call out for help, one user wrote, "Apologies for the direct language. Elope. Take your best pals as your witness, at most. Make your wedding about you. No wedding pleases everyone, so suck it up and do as you please.
"We’re going through similar here and you need to act as a team for every single decision, and be able to back each other up to the hilt. No one can argue with you then."
Another user responded, "I did this myself after a similar family saga. It was actually fun and drama-free - 11/10 would recommend. Your wedding is about you and your partner, and you deserve to have the day you want."
Someone else said, "As others have said, your wedding is about you and your fiancé. No one else. The rest of your and his lives are at stake, and no one else's.
"Have you thought about eloping? Take the kids with you on a getaway, come back and, 'Oh by the way, we're married.' Maybe even plan the reception a few months out to give everyone a chance to cool down and get some perspective.
"No matter what you do, someone us going to be pissed. The world has no shortage of selfish, self-centered people. You're going to run into that sometimes and it's inevitable but you don't have to share your wedding with them, or anyone else."
More comments suggested the couple elope, with many suggesting it be a secret, one person said, "Agreeing with everyone else here on the elopement, but also wanted to add that you should 100% plan it in secret. Don’t tell his family (or anyone that might spill the beans) until after you’re married. Don’t give them the chance to stir shit.
"Not sure how old your kids are, but if they’re young, I wouldn’t even tell them until the last minute. Plan your dream wedding with just the two of you, no drama, just love."
Some users were especially direct with one saying, "Pardon my language but.... F*ck all of these people. It is you and your fiancé’s wedding, your marriage, your life. Nowhere in the vows the two of take does it say you have to please anyone. The two of you need to do what you want to do, what will make you happy and to hell with everyone else.
"All you need for a wedding is someone to marry you, a couple of witnesses and your kids. No one else matters. Do you boo and don’t let anyone sh*t on your parade!"
The bride-to-be seemed to appreciate the comments and responded, "Thank you, you are absolutely right. Your comment has definitely given me a confidence boost."
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