"We’d Put A Few Drops On His Tongue After Doses": Medical Workers Are Sharing The Specific Foods That Make Patients Nearing Death The Happiest

After being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, singer-songwriter Warren Zevon famously told late night host David Letterman in a 2002 interview that when facing death, “You’re reminded to enjoy every sandwich.” Since then, that phrase has become a shorthand reminder to savor the small, simple things, including food.

We all live, we all die and we all enjoy food along the way. The memory and meaning of food, along with the bliss of being able to savor a cherished flavor, are still present in our lives, even as we head toward a last meal, a soothing sip of water or a final bit of sustenance.

“Food often plays an emotional role in the last stages of life,” said Dr. Kurt Merkelz, the chief medical officer at Compassus, a home-based care company. “Some patients may reminisce about favorite meals or foods that connect them to fond memories and loved ones. There are instances where patients crave a specific dish that reminds them of their family or heritage, even if they can’t eat much.”

Food can be important even when someone can’t eat much, said Michelle Thornhill, an end-of-life doula and vice president of the National End-of-Life Doula Alliance, a nonprofit membership organization.

“For many, food becomes symbolic for comfort, connection and memories. While their physical appetite may diminish, the comfort of a familiar taste and the emotional significance of food often remains strong,” she said. “Some individuals may want to share a favorite meal with loved ones — not because they need nourishment, but because it provides a sense of normalcy or nostalgia, and helps them to maintain a sense of agency and presence with family and friends for as long as they’re able.”

What Foods Do Dying People Want Most? 

Hospice and palliative care experts say that the end of life can bring a craving for comfort foods. People often ask for things like mashed potatoes, ice cream, and chicken soup, according to Gail Inderwies, the founder and president of KeystoneCare, a hospice and home health provider in Pennsylvania. “When you’re dying, your body doesn’t want much. But simple foods can go a long way,” she said.

Sometimes, those comforts are part of a culinary heritage. Inderwies grew up in an Italian family in northern New Jersey, so she drew on tradition to prepare food for a terminally ill relative. “When my grandma was dying, I made her meatballs and ravioli,” Inderwies recalled. “She took just a few bites, but she smiled as it brought back many fond memories.”

And that happy moment has stuck with Inderwies. “To this day, when I miss my grandma, I prepare that same meal,” she said, encouraging others to do something similar. “I always tell the families I work with to prepare a favorite dish together. When you’re sitting at a table, sharing a tradition and laughing together, you give a message to the dying patient that you’ll be OK.”

Keep Comfort And Safety In Mind

Many family members seek ways to help loved ones enjoy food despite physical issues. “My dad lost the ability to swallow toward the end of his life, so he was given thick liquids to help prevent choking,” said Lili Udell Fiore, an end-of-life doula. “One of the best things I did for him was pick up an incredible creme brulee from his favorite Italian restaurant. I fed him just the creamy parts, not the crunchy top, and he loved it.”

It’s important to note that what matters most at this time is what tastes good, experts said. “In hospice, you eat and drink what you want,” said advanced gerontological nurse practitioner Marianne Matzo, who hosts the Everyone Dies podcast.

“Clinicians call this ‘pleasure feeding,’” explained Dr. Lindsey Ulin, a hospice and palliative care fellow physician at Massachusetts General Hospital and the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. “For some, this may be a dessert like ice cream or a favorite beverage.”

Ulin shared a touching story about one such beverage: “I cared for a gentleman who only wanted Coca-Cola at the end of his life. When he passed away, the staff on his hospital unit held a Coca-Cola toast, honoring his memory and the time we shared together.”

Fiore offered an example of pleasure feeding that came with a hint of cocktails past. “My father was on morphine drops and didn’t like the taste,” she said. “We followed advice from his hospice nurse and bought a few miniature bottles of his favorite liquors. We’d put a few drops on his tongue after doses.”

Because safety becomes even more important as chewing and swallowing begin to fail, Fiore suggested tubs of cotton candy. “Since it literally melts in your mouth, it’s not much of a danger for choking, and it can bring back all the feelings and memories of being a kid at the fair,” she said. Fiore also recommended asking a local bakery for containers of pie filling, which can be soft, safe, and comforting.

And Please Don’t Push Certain Menus

We want the people we love to eat well, but that’s not always possible, Thornhill explained. “Even as individuals are dying, it’s out of love that we want them to eat nutritiously,” she said. “But as the body naturally begins to shut down, eating becomes less of a priority. This can be a very personal and gentle process, where someone may not feel hungry or may prefer smaller amounts of food.”

Instead of pushing or suggesting menus, be prepared to stand back. “My advice is to follow your loved one’s lead and support their choices about food,” Thornhill said.

“Ask them what they want,” said registered dietitian nutritionist Cassandra Padula Burke. “Consider smells and textures. Warm applesauce with cinnamon, blueberry muffins or fresh-baked bread can bring comfort through the senses. And remember that sometimes your presence is more meaningful than the food.”

Still, that Zen attitude is not always easy to achieve, said Andrew Taylor, a hospice social work intern and an Arizona State University student pursuing a master’s in social work. “It’s normal in the dying process to lose appetite as your body prioritizes other functions, but it can be hard to see someone who once loved food no longer want to eat,” he said. “Conflict can arise when you have a worried family member going through anticipatory grief and wanting someone to eat to sustain life.”

Small Bites, Relaxed Rules

Helen Bauer is an end-of-life educator and host of the Heart of Hospice podcast. She offered advice for any worried family member, including a suggestion to “relax the rules about when to serve meals and how much to serve.” After all, she said, it’s “about what’s comforting and comfortable for your person.”

If someone does want to eat, offer a small amount of something that won’t feel overwhelming. Matzo said that certain people may be happy with just one bite of a formerly beloved food. “When my sister was dying, I got us White Castle hamburgers, which had been our thing,” she recalled, referring to the restaurant chain. “My sister took one bite, chewed it and liked it. But then she laughed and told me that, at this point, she was finding food to be overrated.”

Finally, be prepared to tap your reserves of patience, flexibility and compassion, Merkelz said.

“Every patient’s hospice journey is unique,” he said. “People find comfort in different things — sometimes it’s food, sometimes it’s music or sometimes it’s just having loved ones near. As caretakers, we encourage families to slow down, be present and cherish small moments. Whether it’s a shared meal or a simple conversation, the end of life can be filled with beautiful, meaningful connections that stay with families long after death. Hospice is not only about helping someone through the final moments, but also about creating peaceful and loving experiences that honor a person’s life.”This article was originally published on HuffPost.