Yahoo Lifestyle 43 Funny Tweets From The Week To Keep You Laughing Your Way Into September
Welcome, welcome. You've survived another brutally hot, very chaotic summer. It's time to reward yourself with some laughs as we head into fall. Enjoy!
1.
nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) August 27, 2024
2.
they should let you leave work early if the vibes are off and you hate it there
— peter (@arabatman_) August 27, 2024
3.
I am sitting next to a French-speaking family at Whole Foods, and their son (maybe 8 or 9?) asked what I was doing on my laptop. I said: "I'm working on my lunch break." And he said, in an adorable French accent: "Ah! I did not know that people could work on their lunch breaks!"
— Laura J. Nelson 🦅 (@laura_nelson) August 27, 2024
4.
I’ve been afraid of AI since this girlie hit the scene pic.twitter.com/NpDBGZfcWX
— Kris (@XoxoGossipTurg) September 2, 2024
Radica / Walmart / Via walmart.com
5.
Zero pick pocket attempts in europe so far. Do my pockets not look abundant? Am I not immersed in the moment? Humiliating.
— alexa (@mariokartdwi) August 29, 2024
6.
as kids we were taught that taking anything from the mini bar would bring financial ruin upon our family
— Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC) September 1, 2024
7.
Me: what a nice weekend. I'm in such a good mood. Time to fly homeTSA agent: well if it isn't the dumbest and ugliest bitch in the world
— ALJ Dredd (@UnionSaltBae) September 2, 2024
8.
me drunk in the back of an uber https://t.co/571HJscqJI
— Andrew Strauss (@straussanator) August 27, 2024
9.
Adult friendships are crazy cuz you’ll be asking each other shit like are u free at the end of October?
— Pastor Kyle. (@itsqail) August 28, 2024
10.
an ugly man serial liking your instagram stories feels like being chased in the woods
— mariah (@killmeorshutup) August 27, 2024
11.
i take the responsibility of being in someone’s close friends very seriously. idc if u not spilling tea… im not telling a single soul you had that grilled cheese for lunch. FBI couldn’t waterboard it out of me
— folake aina (@f0lake) September 1, 2024
12.
Okaaaayyyyyy let me juuuuuuuust shaaaaaaaaare my screeeeeeen...okaycanyouseeit?
— Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA Esq. (@ParikPatelCFA) August 27, 2024
13.
I love when an IT guy refers to my laptop as “your machine”
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) August 29, 2024
14.
My dad worked 16 hours a day on minimum wage and had a secret apartment and family in the 90's. This economy is insane
— 3peatPfizer (@StanFritz) August 29, 2024
15.
Do we have houses? https://t.co/6Zn9QB15dO
— Sassy Scientist 👩🏽🔬 (@blacksciencegal) August 26, 2024
16.
The recession is getting loud https://t.co/uWlZ0KFpNZ
— Mr. Cabernet (@mardagod) August 28, 2024
17.
IT WORKED im so excited to announce that after receiving my masters degree I will be a BARISTA 💜 https://t.co/WrEhz9hSl9
— tommy (@invisiblyblonde) August 31, 2024
Collection of the U.S. House of Representatives / Via Twitter: @invisiblyblonde
18.
If you have these light fixtures you do not need to worry about Kamala’s capital gains tax pic.twitter.com/oFki74SbL8
— frankie gabagool 🤌 (@beantownthot) August 29, 2024
19.
hey honey, remember the conversation we had earlier this week? well, everyone on Reddit says that you are the asshole.
— Skyler Higley (@skyler_higley) August 28, 2024
20.
I’ve been thinking about this word all month https://t.co/FOn6xVfWol
— Rembert Browne (@rembert) August 27, 2024
21.
made eye contact in the office bathroom mirror while washing my hands as the man went straight to the door from the urinal so then he pivots to the sink and said “guess we’re still doing all that even after covid haha” pic.twitter.com/kMUcwBnMs6
— chase. (@cfree94) August 29, 2024
HBO / Via Twitter: @cfree94
22.
there is a guy i see every single time i’m at the gym. morning, night, midday, twice a days, i’m like this is outrageous. today, i’m here & there are two of them. they’re twins lmao it’s all adding up
— Heifer Hotline (@janetheeesq) August 27, 2024
23.
I used to volunteer at the ER at a children's hospital in college and the whole gig was arguing with kids about their favorite superhero until they forgot their arm was broken
— Żarówka (@BivouacChillin) August 28, 2024
24.
Okay dude sorry fuck. My fucking fault pic.twitter.com/kss7tfpTSw
— howard 🥧 (@mistahowie) August 28, 2024
25.
Ohhhhmygod my bra is showing? Should we tell everyone? Should we throw a dress code disciplinary meeting? Should we invite my middle school vice principal
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) August 28, 2024
26.
me and the girls all got oasis tickets so we can hear wonderwall live 😍 do they have any other big songs we should listen to before we go x
— debbs 🇵🇸 (@debbsboyd) August 31, 2024
27.
went to shit at gas station and there was a cockroach in the stall I took the plunger and shood him out under the door no sooner did I sit down to shit a man walked in farted loud as fuck then kicked the roach back under the stall directly at my feet where it began to fly
— jake (@jakebrodes) August 31, 2024
28.
mrs puff in prison: https://t.co/vQLCo1dNi4
— Brooklyn (@bklynb4by) August 29, 2024
@Tim_Walz / Via x.com
29.
had a deadline 🥲 pic.twitter.com/oPqJ1fVmEB
— ༻ reneé ༺ (@upupandreneee) August 28, 2024
30.
i be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety
— 🎭 (@xeiihera) August 29, 2024
31.
they injected me with mental illness when i was a baby because they didn't like that i radiated moonlight and had stars inside my eyes . they were jealous of me
— perfect angel (@girl__virus) August 31, 2024
32.
Dont wanna go out… but theres a bartender out there who needs my 20% tip to feed his family pic.twitter.com/ohq8xMHhUx
— betito 🦦 (@ghooostyy_) September 1, 2024
Netflix / Via Twitter: @ghooostyy_
33.
I heard my toast spring up in the kitchen like 15 minutes ago but I don’t care. I just don’t care. Fuck that piece of toast. And fuck my life
— frewad (@Fredward3948576) August 31, 2024
34.
Three men tried to rob my friend at gun point yesterday in Atlanta and he was so annoyed he was like “what do yall want? Advice? Cause I don’t have any money”LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
— Star💖| Cosmetic Chemist 👩🏾🔬 + Esty bestie (@_Starsabreep) September 1, 2024
35.
Me saying "but hey, things happen" after telling the most traumatic event of my life pic.twitter.com/vLn8LFXY6B
— ☔ (@Whotfismick) August 31, 2024
DreamWorks Pictures / Via Twitter: @Whotfismick
36.
It's so wild that there are people who can identify cars by sight. Like instead of “brown truck” or “grey sedan” everywhere they go they’re all “that Mazda Myopia is turning left beside the 2017 Chevy Stigmata”. It must be like seeing those colors only shrimp can see.
— Eize Basa (@PonchoRebound) August 31, 2024
37.
38.
i am not a passenger princess i am a passenger court jester. i must keep the driver awake, assist in navigation and tightly manage the music playlist. my hat jingles so that i may maintain my permanent front seat privileges and avoid execution.
— kat ♪ VALORANT ALBUM 9/6 (@Derivakat) September 1, 2024
39.
cant make this up https://t.co/etRzBCQVd3 pic.twitter.com/H5TdjlzDh5
— .! (@nikowoodyear) September 1, 2024
40.
i know that 'forgot password' button hate to see me coming
— jay;🤺 (@fckitsjay) August 28, 2024
41.
i don't like people with privacy screens. the fuck you got in that phone lil sneaky bitch
— blossom (@imteelilaa) August 28, 2024
42.
— 🕐HOURLY🕑 shitpost (@hourly_shitpost) August 28, 2024
43.
When multi-million dollar companies ask me to make a donation at the register. pic.twitter.com/3x5SBDk9VL
— Kyla Jenée Lacey (@Kyla_Lacey) September 2, 2024
NBC / Via tenor.com
If you need some more laughs, feel free to peruse our most recent weekly roundups (and don't forget to give these creators a follow if they made you laugh!):
37 Hilarious Tweets That Will Have You FALLing In A Fit Of Laughter Into Fall (Sorry)
