Women Are Sharing The Telltale Signs That A Boyfriend Is Not Marriage Material

Breaking up is hard, but sometimes it's ultimately for the best. I recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to share signs that a boyfriend is not marriage material. Here are the red flags they shared:

1."Weaponized incompetence. The harder I think about it, the more diabolical it becomes. Someone who is supposed to care about me and love me could have no problem pretending to do things poorly so I just do it anyway since I will do it 'better.' That attitude towards a partner will never get better. See ya!"

2."This probably sounds obvious, but the number one sign a guy is NOT husband material is if he doesn't *really* want to marry you or commit to you. Don't ever push a guy to propose or wait five years for a guy to be ready to move in with you. If he isn't super excited to be your man, he is not the man for you."

–lexiv

3."I learned this the hard way, but you know your boyfriend isn't marriage material when he does nothing in his spare time except play video games. When we moved in together, I immediately knew it wouldn't work when I realized the level of man-child I had gotten involved with. His parents were still paying all his bills. He didn't have a credit card or credit score, so the house had to go through me as I had been managing my own money and bills since I was 18. Oh, and did I mention he was 28 or 29? It was a very eye-opening experience and now I will never date/marry someone whose priorities are not in the right place. Video games are fine—making them your life is not."

4."We were engaged until he was staying at a friend's, got drunk, and flashed the head of the country club's wife in the pool. The police were called, and somehow he ended up with a black eye and scratches. He was jailed overnight and it made the paper. He'd never drank around me much less get like that."

–gingers_mom

5."If they ever cheated in a previous relationship. You will not be the exception to the rule; you cannot change them to be faithful. Do your heart a favor and leave if they mention they have EVER cheated. It's a major red flag about how they treat others. Do not allow them the opportunity to do it to you."

6."They laugh at your pain. Sad but true, I remember telling my ex about being sexually harassed at the gas station and he laughed like there was something funny about an old dusty man looking you up and down. It lacks empathy and understanding of social dynamics."

–justchillman

7."If you've been with a guy for two plus years and he says he doesn't know what he wants. He does, and it's not you. But he'll keep sleeping with you until he finds the one."

8."If he's rude and bullies others."

–trendydolphin311

9."A red flag someone isn't marriage material is the way they speak to themselves. If someone can disrespect themselves, imagine what they would say to you. For example, my ex told me that the way he motivates himself to go to the gym is by calling himself a fat pig. He was in good shape but he belittled himself, and he didn't have a hard time belittling me. So pay attention to how someone speaks to themselves."

10."'I'm no good at [this household task], can you do it?' Subsequently refusing to learn to be better at it because, 'You're so good at it; I'd never do it good enough for you.'"

–jadefishes

11."My ex and I were together for two years. I bought a place and he moved in with me. During those two years, he cheated on me multiple times, including with a friend's husband. When I found out, I threw him out and he blamed ME for the reason he was having affairs. He's now dating his mate and has several other partners."

–matthewharryr

12."If he has no self-discipline or self-control in any area of life."

13."I am now married to a wonderful man, but did have one boy in my life who carried ALL red flags. Of course, my optimism and desire to understand him kept me in the relationship for too long. His lack of compassion for anyone or anything. He didn't care about children, animals, or the elderly. He made excuses for why he couldn't or wouldn't work. He used his trauma to excuse any bad behavior. He kept his old dating profiles because it was too difficult to figure out how to cancel them. He allowed other people including his mom, secretly he meant an ex, to buy him things. He diminished my birthday and important holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving, even if they meant family and friends to me. Lastly, he refused to meet my friends outside of those he could control and always had an excuse."

—Laura from Texas

14."He has poor communication skills and shows a lack of empathy."

15."Easily succumbs to peer pressure. That will NEVER change. They will never just decide to put you over their friends or colleagues. Promise to be home by six? Oops, babe, the friends wanted to go out drinking so that's why I'm home at 1 a.m. Now imagine that with a baby, or multiple. Unless you want to permanently take a back seat to everyone else, leave them."

—Anonymous from Texas

16."Walk away from men who cannot express their true feelings out of fear of being vulnerable. I love you means nothing if they can't tell you why beyond the surface."

17."I didn't want my future children to have him as a dad, especially if I had girls."

—R from Florida

18."We had been talking about getting married, but all our conversations made me feel empty inside. He said he was committed, wanted to be with me forever, and wanted to have a family. He said he didn't believe in marriage but he would do it for me. It felt like he was saying he would do something he didn't want to do to be with me like it was a sacrifice. I didn't want to feel like he was losing, sacrificing, or compromising himself to marry me."

19.And finally, "This goes for partners of any gender. If your girlfriend or boyfriend tells you early on what their life, family goals, and hopes are and they don't align with yours. If you're certain you want kids and he doesn't, don't assume he will change his mind. He might, as might you, but if you start with incompatible ambitions, chances are it won't end well, even if you love each other."

"A good friend of mine got into a very loving relationship with a great girl, but she was pretty sure she didn't want children right from the start, and he does. They were together for about three years because he hoped she would change her mind. All that happened was that she became even more sure she didn't, and had the sense to realize they couldn't work as a long-term couple anymore. He's heartbroken and I really feel for him, but honestly, they would have saved themselves a lot of angst as soon as they realized they weren't on the same page."

—CherryPie from the United Kingdom

What's a telltale sign or red flag that someone is not marriage material? Share your response in the comments!

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.