WARNING: These bikinis can not be unseen, proceed at your own risk.
If Instagram trends are anything to go by, this summer is sure to be a head-turning one across our nation’s beaches.
Swimwear is not only getting tinier and tinier by the season, but some of the looks circulating on social media in 2019 have left us downright gobsmacked.
From the barely-there sting-kini we saw Aussie influencer Tammy Hembrow in last week, to wedgie fronts that look painfully high, and bikinis that are purposely purchased two sizes too small, here we’ve collated some of the most jaw-dropping trends you may encounter as the warmer weather starts to set in.
Let’s start with a relatively conservative one. This trend is more about the colour of the swimwear than the cut or design, with Instagrammers turning their togs into a sort of optical illusion by choosing bikinis in a colour that matches their skin tone.
The effect has surely resulted in more than a couple double-takes as it’s easy to be fooled into thinking the person is naked if you only catch them out of the corner of your eye.
Underboob was big in 2018, and these bikinis appear to be the next iteration of that trend. They still flash a fair bit of underboob, but only seem to do so because the tops have been purposely purchased a size or two too small.
And if you thought this may just have been three stand-alone cases, sadly, they are not. Even retailers have been posting photos of their models in bikini tops that do not fit, as you can see in the image from the official Pretty Little Thing Instagram page below.
Perhaps an evolution of the ever-shrinking nature of swimwear, the invisible bikini involves only the very smallest amount of fabric held together with clear plastic straps. Why, is yet to explained.
In particular, one very risque design by Oh Polly - a brand known for pushing all of the conceivable boundaries of fashion - has been doing the rounds on Instagram, with almost every influencer brave enough to wear one posting about it.
As you can see from the below photo of Tammy Hembrow, the effect from certain angles is really quite shocking.
Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more ridiculous, let us introduce you to the swimmers you can’t actually swim in.
Bikinis that can’t get wet have hit the market, catering - we can only presume - for the Instagram market, as they are literally sold with the disclaimer that they are for, ‘poolside posing only’ ‘not swimming’.
Super high cut
Of all the trends, this looks to be the most painful and precarious.
Described as ‘fanny floss’ and a ‘yeast infection waiting to happen’ by some discerning commentators, this is not a look that can be worn by many.
In fact, the majority of the population would be wise to steer clear of these super high cut wardrobe malfunctions-in-waiting. How they could be practical to wear under any circumstance, much less while thrashing about in the waves, remains to be seen.
Yank up your pants
This is not so much a style trend, but a way of wearing bikinis and posing in them that’s become more and more prevalent.
Just as the name suggests, it sees the wearer pull at the sides of their bikini bottoms to lift them up above their hip bones.
The effect is that their legs appear longer and their figure more hourglass - but the danger is if they only yank up their pants for photos, their tan lines will not match, as is the case in the below photo of Aussie surfing sisters Holly and Ruby Coffey.
Kudos to the ladies brave enough to jump into one of these cozzies, for the rest of us, we hope what you’ve seen hasn’t scared you from showing your face at public pools and beaches this summer.
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