Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss’ widow Allison Holker reveals ‘triggering’ way she discovered husband’s drug addiction

The widow of Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss, Allison Holker, has shared the “triggering” way she discovered her late husband’s drug addiction only after his death.

In a heartbreaking revelation to People, Holker said that weeks after Boss’ death, she discovered a large amount of drugs in their home, specifically hidden inside shoe boxes. In 2022, Boss, famous as the DJ on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, died by suicide at the age of 40.

“I was with one of my really dear friends, and we were cleaning out the closet and picking out an outfit for him for the funeral,” she said in the new interview published Tuesday (January 7). “It was a really triggering moment for me because there were a lot of things I discovered in our closet that I did not know existed.”

She continued: “It was very alarming to me to learn that there was so much happening that I had no clue [about]. It was a really scary moment in my life to figure that out, but it also helped me process that he was going through so much and he was hiding so much, and there must have been a lot of shame in that.”

Holker noted that throughout her and Boss’ nine years together, she thought they were “very honest” about things, including his marijuana use. She also said that her husband would go to the guesthouse to smoke or drink, after their three children — Weslie, 16, Maddox, eight, and Zaia, five — went to sleep.

“That was his alone time. It was his time to recharge, and that was okay,” she said.

Following Boss’ funeral, Holker went through his journals and discovered how many secrets he kept from those he loved the most. She said that in the journal entries, Boss also alluded to that when he was a child, he was sexually abused by a male figure.

“He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and cope with all those feelings because he didn’t want to put it on anyone because he loved everyone so much,” she explained. “He didn’t want other people to take on his pain.”

Although initially hurt to discover these secrets, Holker later realized that the journals gave her “a better perspective of where he was in life and the type of things [Boss] was struggling with.”

“It did have me feel a lot of empathy towards him and sadness for all the pain that he was holding,” she added, before noting that she was sharing the details about the journals and Boss in hopes of helping someone else who is struggling.

“Through certain discussions, even with friends and things that have been said, reading through his journals ... you realize he went through a lot as a child and never faced it,” she said. “It’s hard to think that he never opened up to someone and wanted to face it, to get through on the other side. I really hope people dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and [know] you’re going to be okay.’”

Holker also shared her belief that before his death, Boss was struggling with his extroverted TV persona as his stints on both The Ellen DeGeneres Show and So You Think You Can Dance concluded. In addition, he was someone who wanted to be the “perfect” husband and father.

“When I would think about my husband at the time, I would think, ‘Oh, I love that tWitch is such a great performer, but then when he comes home he feels safe enough to be Stephen,’” she says. “I was with him for so long, and that’s how he’s been the entire relationship. I was like, ‘’it’s a beautiful thing that he can be both.’”

Last month, Holker – who’s releasing her memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light, on February 4 – took to Instagram to pay tribute to Boss on the second anniversary of his death.

“Our Angel @sir_twitch_alot is watching over us and protecting us. You are always on our hearts and we will always love you,” she wrote in the caption of the post, which included a picture of the couple and their three children. “We miss you Stephen. Two years with you not here but you are always on our minds. We love you.”

In September 2024, Holker confirmed that she fell in love again, going public with her relationship with Adam Edmunds.

If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, all the National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

If you are based in the UK, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.

If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.