The ‘RHOSLC’ Cry, Scream, and Throw Up in Mexico—Literally

It’s not easy to serve up perfection week after week, even if The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City make it look effortless.

Perhaps that’s why the women are suffering a physical toll after an absolutely amazing season. Even on vacation, Meredith is crying, screaming, and throwing up in the midnight hours, burdened by the tumult around her. Only the RHOSLC cast can spend an entire episode in the throes of tears and still make it a humorous, high-stakes endeavor.

It all starts with a water aerobics class where Angie, Whitney, and Heather speculate on the state of Bronwyn’s marriage. “Speaking of pressure, how about Bronwyn last night?” Whitney expertly segues. These women know how to have important conversations in inspiring locations—from ice caves to fish tanks.

Here, Heather’s observant eye recounts the tale of two Todd’s, having seen him flip a switch at Meredith’s bat mitzvah. There’s another inspired location: a middle-aged woman’s bat mitzvah.

Heather has always loved herself a broken bird, having sheltered Whitney and her wild rose, as well as post-indictment Jen Shah. Now that she knows Bronwyn’s in a strained marriage, she finally sees an in to true friendship.

Maybe when she sees Bronwyn’s insufferable confessionals, she’ll sing a different tune. The Bronwyn experience grows increasingly campy with each episode, as she finds a new, obscure reason to complain about Lisa. This week, she’s upset by Lisa gifting the group Vida Tequila tote bags. It’s weird and inauthentic. You know who else melted down over getting a branded gift on a tropical vacation? Kelly Bensimon, of Scary Island fame. Just saying.

The ladies hop aboard a yacht to play a fun new game: Who’s the biggest victim? Is it Britani Bateman, who constantly makes announcements to the group in hopes of a reaction, only to discover no one cares about her?

And just as Britani is burying herself in her own delusion, in comes Bronwyn to make her sympathetic, inquiring whether Britani enjoys spending time with her kids or simply was happy to get a moment in the group. Naturally, Britani calls her a bitch for this. And, instead of fighting back, Bronwyn looks to Lisa to give her a helping hand.

As I have continuously said, Bronwyn entered the show with a script in hand, having storyboarded her entire season. She will start out as Lisa’s friend before Lisa inevitably expects more from her than she receives in return, and she will start to question their friendship. Then, she’ll find in-the-moment examples of Lisa’s hypocrisy so she can make a clear break from her friend.

The problem is the same as it’s always been, though. Lisa has not ever expected loyalty from Bronwyn, nor has she received it. Bronwyn jumped ship so early that trying to argue this in the 14th episode feels not only juvenile, but downright deranged.

“I guarantee you if someone called Lisa a b***h and I was within earshot of that, and I didn’t stand up for her, we’d be talking about this, you know, until I’m dead,” Bronwyn says in a confessional. It’s a funny take given Lisa’s called a b***h once a week, at minimum, often as Bronwyn nods in agreement.

Bronwyn is a true thespian, not letting her improv partner going rogue stop her from playing out the role of her dreams. And, just as she’s losing her ground, she pulls out the card she’s been eagerly waiting to play, revealing that Todd once cheated on her.

“Heauw did yeugh find awght?” Whitney asks.

It’s actively hilarious watching Meredith and Lisa sit there, blank-faced as they watch Bronwyn chew the scenery. Just let her get through this monologue so she has something to submit for next year’s Obsessies, even though the reality TV monologue category will certainly be stacked. Maybe she’ll have more luck on the podcast circuit.

Still, as cynical as I am, this is a great character note for Bronwyn. She’s opportunistic with when to play her cards, but her calculated chaos is a welcome addition to this group. As she further unravels, crying that she “thought Lisa was introducing me to friends,” and “it reinforces this narrative that maybe I’m not good enough for anyone,” she ascends her former status. Facebook’s going to eat this one up.

And so does Heather, offering her an inspired monologue of her own on how to be a strong, independent woman. Heather would absolutely dominate a morning talk show. She could be the next Wendy Williams.

It’s a promising shift to the dynamic, one that will undoubtedly be further explored during the Bronwyn divorce season (Season 7, by my calculations), especially as the reveal only pushes Lisa further away.

“You’re so much more relatable now!” Lisa giggles, applauding Bronwyn on a pitch-perfect performance just moments before she tries to stir the pot with Angie, before quickly realizing she’s on her own. Accuse her of making it up for attention, Lisa. You know you want to.

Bronwyn wipes off her damsel in distress persona just in time to return to true form, accusing Lisa of being a bad friend. And she does this in the presence of her newest fan: Heather.

Here, Whitney grabs the baton and runs right off the track. She thinks the reason Meredith and Lisa weren’t super sympathetic to Bronwyn is they have both been accused of cheating too, so they side with cheaters. It’s interesting, as Heather almost co-signs the statement, before saying Lisa is too vapid to understand anything beyond physical attributes.

A sycophant no more, Heather Gay continues to evolve. She loves being friends with Lisa, but she loves stoking the flames of good drama even more. That’s why she’s essential to the foundation of RHOSLC.

That sets the stage for a beautiful dinner surrounded and sponsored by VIDA Tequila. Whitney notes that it feels like one big commercial for VIDA, which like, yeah it is. And the commercial for hilled jewelry or whatever it’s called was the three-episode arc where Whitney continuously drew attention to the fact all the products are drop-shipped. In the land of beauties and beasts, there’s only one wild rose.

The dinner would be a triumph of entertainment without any drama, as the mere presence of these women is captivating enough. Something about Mary’s paranoia over her food not arriving, telling Lisa she ordered the “mozzarella and tomato” and Lisa responding, “Oh, I love the caprese” just scratches that brain itch. As does the women speculating on what Mary means by “pastrami soup,” Lisa wondering if it’s stroganoff and Whitney responding “I love stroganoff,” before they land on the true culprit: minestrone.

Luckily, the dinner serves up more than giggles on a silver platter. Embattled friend-of Britani sees a moment and takes it, announcing to the group she heard Meredith crying and throwing up all night. Could she have done this one-on-one? Could she have pulled Meredith aside when they were actively discussing the night before a few hours ago? Sure, but Britani doesn’t know any better. Well, she probably does, but it’s her God given right to be a shameless pest, now isn’t it?

Meredith denies throwing up, but does admit she cried. She cried for all the sluts of America who watched Angie brutally shame high body count hair. When you insult bump its, just know, you’re coming for the woman at the store. You’re disparaging the woman nestled in the back row of her church. And Meredith—who once implied Lisa gives blowjobs for Utah Jazz tickets—won’t stand for that.

The discussion ricochets all the way to another rift between Lisa and Angie. When Lisa speaks up, Angie immediately shuts her down for butting in, noting a pact to “stay out of each other’s stuff.”

“Ooh, do you feel like a badass right now?” Lisa replies, completely disgusted by Angie stepping up as center snowflake. What happened to the lowly sidekick who appeared just to affirm that Lisa Barlow is an amazing human being?

For some reason, Whitney jumps in, only to be decimated by Lisa. She may be the snowflake closest to melting, but Whitney’s role on the cast as a girlfailure who can’t win a single fight or feud but gladly bumbles on to the next is much appreciated. It may be true that she’s “not a victim” but a “f***ing lying bitch.” Maybe that’s what makes her so special.

Next, Bronwyn tags in for round 52 of “Lisa Barlow’s a bad friend,” to which Lisa simply sighs. It has to be exhausting filming with such a devout member of the improv troupe. And it leaves her defenseless for the next round.

You know that game in Wii Sports Resort where you kill Miis for sport? That’s kind of how it is watching Lisa swat away Whitney and Bronwyn before final boss and mother mafioso Angie K. delivers a fatal blow.

“[Bronwyn] just put her entire life out to the group. And you are guarded, and that’s okay. That’s who you are,” Angie says in a soft tone, masking the fact she’s stabbing Lisa several times over.

Lisa instantly breaks down in tears and leaves the dinner table in shambles, bested by the new OG of the SLC. It’s a riveting moment, made even stronger by the genuinity of it all. Lisa and Angie did have a true friendship, and the fallout (although inevitable) has strengthened both characters. It’s clearly not some put-on feud or made-for-TV moment.

That’s part of why RHOSLC excels. Sure, it’s “community theater Housewives,” but it’s surprisingly grounded. The heightened reality works because it’s tethered to a truly tangible surface.

It’s no wonder the high-octane energy has driven these women to such an expulsion of tears, throw up, and fighting. Pressure may create diamonds, but in the world of the Real Housewives, it creates something even more precious: snowflakes.

Next week, we finally find out who was secretly recording the woman… and my bet’s on Britani. She’s about to be smacked so severely by Meredith that she’ll long for the days the women barely acknowledged her.