Yahoo Lifestyle People Are Debating If This Gay Man Should Refuse To Babysit For His Sister With Anti-LGBTQ+ Views
Gather 'round everyone, it's time to dive into my favorite corner of the internet, the subreddit called Am I the Asshole? This is where Reddit users tell the internet about situations they're in and ask if they're the asshole for how they handled it.
Today's installment involves family, anti-LGBTQ+ views, and children. This story comes from an anonymous 20-year-old man who said, "I have been dating my boyfriend Ryan (22, male) for about a year. My sister Amanda (28, female) has a 4-year-old son Jack. After a family BBQ last month, Amanda pulled me aside and said, 'Hey, just so you know, it might be better if you don't bring Ryan to the next few family gatherings.' I asked her why, and she got all awkward, saying, 'Jack has been asking questions about you and Ryan, and I don’t think he’s old enough to understand all that yet.'”
"I told her we weren’t exactly putting on a Pride parade in her yard. We were literally just eating hot dogs and chatting with family. She replied, 'It’s just confusing for him. You know how kids are.' I was mad but kept it together and said, 'If Ryan isn’t welcome, maybe I just won’t come either.' She sighed and said I was being dramatic."
"Last week, Amanda called me panicked because her babysitter canceled on her. I told her I couldn’t babysit because Ryan and I already had plans. She begged, saying she was desperate and I finally snapped. 'Why do you want me babysitting Jack? What if I accidentally expose him to my terrifying gay lifestyle? God forbid he sees me and Ryan together.'"
"Amanda blew up. She accused me of using Jack to make a point and said, 'This isn’t about Ryan. It’s about you being spiteful. You're punishing Jack 'cause you're mad at me.' She told my parents and that's when the real drama started. My mom called and said I was being selfish for letting a small disagreement ruin my relationship with Amanda. I told her it wasn’t small and reminded her of Amanda’s comment about confusing Jack. Mom brushed it off saying, 'She’s just doing what’s best for her child.' I said, 'What about what’s best for me? Why do I have to hide part of my life to make her comfortable?'”
"My dad sided with me. He said Amanda was being narrow- minded, and told her, 'Kids aren’t confused by love, they're confused by people acting like it’s something to hide.' Amanda then put the drama into the family group chat. My uncle said, 'It's not homophobic to want to protect your kid from topics they're not ready for. Why push it?'"
"This set off my cousin. She said, 'If Jack's old enough to understand that Amanda and Mike are married, then he's old enough to understand uncle (me) has a boyfriend.' She accused Amanda of being a hypocrite and called out my uncle, too, saying, 'Let’s not make this about your own outdated beliefs.' She also called Amanda a 'stuck-up bitch,' and my uncle called my cousin a 'drama queen.' My aunt chimed in, saying, 'I don’t agree with (my) lifestyle, but we should still support each other.' My grandmother replied, 'Support doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect.'"
"Amanda's husband Mike texted me saying, 'Look I don’t have an issue with you or Ryan, but this is getting out of hand. Amanda's just trying to avoid awkward questions from Jack, not insult you.' I told him, 'It's already insulting. Would she say the same thing if I were dating a woman?' He left me on 'seen.' Am I the asshole?"
Most users agreed that the original poster was not the asshole, saying two men dating is not a complicated concept for kids to understand, and he should stop communicating with his sister altogether. An anonymous user said, "If Jack is old enough to understand a man and a woman being together, he’s old enough to understand a man and a man being together."
"I am also gay, and I would have said the same thing to my sister. It’s disappointing that this has divided your family. It really brings out their true colors. I think you should go little to no contact with your sister."
"Your sister is being ridiculous. You can explain anything to a 4-year-old. You just use terms they can understand. Our 7-year-old has been taught about racism, homophobia, misogyny, misogynoir, the evils of capitalism, the list goes on," said user SalaciousSapphic.
"We started very young with him, and with each year that passes, we teach him a little more to build on the foundation we already put down. People choose ignorance all the time, but that doesn’t make it OK. Your sister is choosing to keep her kid shielded because of her own bigoted beliefs. I’d cut her off, and I don’t say that lightly. I was estranged from my parents for years because of their belief systems. But it was some of the best peace I’ve ever known."
User NoSummer1345 agreed, detailing a conversation they had with a child about a similar topic. "My sister and I just explained to her 5-year-old daughter why my child (her cousin) who was born female now identifies as male. It’s not hard."
"Of course a kid is going to ask questions when they see something new. But they also ask about a new car they see on the street, so what's the issue?" asked user ichundmeinHolz_.
"If your sister can't answer some questions just let the kid ask you. Your sister behaves like you were having sex in front of the kid. You were absolutely right for calling her out. That kid will probably see many things in his life nobody can explain to him. A relationship isn't one of those things."
User CrazeeLilDevil had a suggestion for the original poster to help his sister explain the situation to her son. "Peppa Pig has an episode where SHOCK, HORROR, there are two mommies. 😂 Just send your sister that episode!"
Many users also called out the anti-LGBTQ+ remarks made by some of the original poster's family members. "Your sister, uncle, and aunt are all hiding their homophobia behind your nephew. It’s not a lifestyle choice, this is someone you’re dating and in love with," said user PrincessCG.
"It’s also hypocritical of your sister to want to ban your boyfriend but then immediately seek you out for help when the babysitter bailed. Go low-contact, you don’t need this drama."
While user Leading_Confidence64 just wanted to be added to the family group chat. "Not the asshole, but those family group chats sound hella interesting. Like a soap opera!"
And user PhilosophicalWarPig tried to help the original poster see the glass half full. "The good news is that you have support within the family. The bad news is that it's not as unanimous as it should be. I'm sorry to hear about that."
And finally, user 2moms3grls gave the original poster some valuable wisdom. "I'm sorry you are seeing her true colors along with everyone else's true colors, but stick to your guns and stand firm in your relationship. The best advice I ever got was to always tell the truth, calmly and respectfully."
"I'm out 40+ years, married to my wife for 22 years, with adult kids of our own. I had to practice looking people in the eye and saying, 'They have two moms.' If people could have gotten it 20 years ago, a 4-year-old could have gotten it now. My mother-in-law refused to attend our wedding, so we married without her. Our life didn't stop because someone disagreed. We made a note, and we moved on."
What do you think? Did the original poster overreact, or is his reaction understandable? Let us know in the comments.
