Reddit AITA: A mom told her friend not to bring her newborn to the party—was that the right call?

At Motherly, we’re here for moms—always. That means standing by the incredible, often unseen work that goes into creating and nurturing new life. Moms deserve grace, support, and flexibility as they navigate a world that doesn’t always make it easy. But even in mom-centered spaces, dilemmas like this Reddit-famous one can stir debate.

Here’s the situation: A soon-to-be 30-year-old took to Reddit to ask, “Am I the *******?”. She’s throwing a ladies-only, no-kids-allowed birthday party. One of her friends, who just had a baby, wants to bring her newborn along. The host, however, has made it clear—no kids, no exceptions. The new mom feels upset, and the birthday girl feels guilty for sticking to her boundaries.

First, let’s talk about the mom with the newborn.

Why this is hard for the new mom

• At just one month postpartum, she’s likely exhausted, still healing, and in a constant loop of feeding and soothing.

• Finding childcare for a newborn—especially one you’re still bonding with—can feel impossible and emotionally overwhelming.

• If you’re breastfeeding a baby, being away even for a few hours can be physically painful and logistically difficult.

• Missing a social event during this tender time can feel isolating and disappointing.

Now, let’s consider the host’s perspective.

Related: Reddit sparks debate: Should this 11-year-old be allowed to exclude a classmate from her Halloween party?

Why setting boundaries is okay

• It’s her milestone birthday, and she wants to celebrate in a specific way. No kids isn’t about being mean; it’s about creating the atmosphere she’s envisioned.

• Clear expectations are important for any gathering. Setting a boundary, like “no children,” ensures everyone knows what to expect ahead of time.

• Moms are allowed to prioritize themselves—yes, even on a big day like this.

So, who’s right?

Both are. This isn’t about picking sides—it’s about finding a path forward that centers empathy and kindness. Disagreeing is okay; treating each other with respect while doing so is key.

How to Navigate This Situation:

1. For the Birthday Host: Be compassionate but firm. Explain why you’ve chosen a child-free event, acknowledge that this might make it hard for the new mom to attend, and let her know you’ll miss her if she can’t make it.
   

2. For the New Mom: It’s okay to feel disappointed. Missing events is one of the sacrifices that comes with early motherhood. If attending without your baby isn’t possible, look for another way to connect with your friend—like grabbing coffee or a quiet lunch later.

At the end of the day, relationships thrive on understanding. Moms are navigating uncharted waters, whether it’s figuring out life with a newborn or carving out time to celebrate themselves. These moments of conflict don’t have to divide us.

So, here’s the bottom line: It’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to feel disappointed. What’s not okay? Letting these feelings fester into resentment or exclusion rooted in meanness.

Motherhood can be hard, but it doesn’t have to be isolating. Lead with kindness, even when it’s complicated.

Related: Reddit mom sparks Thanksgiving family drama after defending 4-year-old son’s painted nails