Princess Diana’s Intimate Confessions to Dance Teacher Revealed for First Time in New Memoir (Exclusive Excerpt)

Anne Allan, who spent nine years teaching Princess Diana, looks back on their most revealing and occasionally heartbreaking moments

Just weeks after Princess Diana’s royal wedding to Prince Charles in 1981, Anne Allan, a dancer and ballet mistress with the London City Ballet, received an extraordinary request: The Princess of Wales wanted dance lessons.

Soon she and Diana were meeting in a private studio in London for what would become hundreds of secret one-hour sessions. Over the next nine years, Allan and Diana developed a deep friendship. The princess, just 20 years old and newly wed, found in Allan a confidante with whom she could candidly discuss her personal struggles and the complexities of royal life—including her pregnancies, her battle with bulimia and the increasing unhappiness in her marriage to Charles.

Allan, who has rarely spoken publicly about her time with the princess, decided to write her new book Dancing With Diana; A Memoir (out Sept. 10) to reveal “the other side of her, the dancing side of her, the beauty within her,” she tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue.

In the exclusive excerpt below, Allan reflects on the most candid—and sometimes harrowing—moments she shared with her royal pupil.

Princess Diana’s first dance lesson.

She walked straight to me, extending her hand and saying, “How lovely to meet you, Anne, and goodness knows what you must think about all this,” laughing and blushing profusely. I curtsied and offered her the flowers. “Your Royal Highness,” I said, and she instantly replied, “Please call me Diana.” . . . I showed Diana into the dressing room and then slipped into the other room to quickly change into my dance clothes. I was gently stretching by the barre when she emerged in her black leotard, pink tights, and ballet shoes, her head down. She was obviously uncomfortable. “Please come and stand by the barre and we can chat a little before we start,” I said. Her beautiful face was bright red with embarrassment, but she courageously moved towards me. “Anne, I really don’t know what you must think about all this,” she repeated. I simply said, “I love dance and I know you do, too, and that’s what we will do here together.”

Just a few weeks into their lessons, Diana confides that she is expecting her first child.

At the end of the class, she asked if she could have five minutes to chat. “Anne, I wanted to tell you that a little one is on the way. I’m pregnant!" I spontaneously threw my arms around her in congratulations. Maybe not appropriate, but an instinctive action on my part, as it is for many women. She beamed back at me, and we shared a joyous moment, just two ladies together. . . . She continued speaking: “I wanted to let you know that, once the announcement is made, ‘they’ will not let me take classes anymore, but I would like to keep it going for as long as I can, and I don’t want to be fussed over. After all, lots of ladies have babies.” . . . I asked if her husband was delighted, and she said, “Yes, Charles is thrilled.” She was glowing as she told me, the start of motherhood shining through. . . .I was thrilled for Diana that it was a boy and, as she told me later, she had done her duty and produced an heir. . . .By September, Diana and I were back in the studio. I was excited to see the Princess again and anxious to hear how she was and if she was loving being a mum. She greeted me with such warmth, and for most of the lesson we talked about babies. . . . Diana told me she absolutely adored her son and wanted to spend all her time with [baby Prince William], that she couldn’t sleep because she wanted to keep checking on him.

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Diana evolves as a dancer.

Diana had graduated from traditional black leotard, pink tights, and leather ballet shoes to more comfortable unitards in different colours or matching tights and leotards with white jazz shoes, which were more suitable to the movements we did. They made how she moved so much easier. She had given me a pale-yellow dance outfit as a thank-you present after I had suggested she wear a G-string as underwear. “It works so much better,” she said, laughing loudly. Looking back at the style for dance in the 1980s is very funny. We looked ridiculous, but we didn’t go as far as Jane Fonda with her matching headbands.

Diana welcomes her second son, Prince Harry.

I couldn’t wait to see Diana, and she threw her arms around me and embraced me warmly at our first class back. She looked to be in marvelous shape, although a little thinner, but that can be natural after giving birth, so I didn’t think too much about it. . . . She said William was wonderful with his little brother and she loved watching them together. “Everyone seems very happy that we now have the heir and the spare! Harry’s red hair was a lovely surprise as I know he’s a Spencer as well as a Windsor,” she said laughing. “My daddy is thrilled, but I’m not too sure what Charles thinks about that.”

Cracks in Diana’s marriage to Charles begin to show.

Diana sat on the floor with tears in her eyes, and an outpouring of emotion followed. . . .I could feel the hurt, a helplessness within her. She was very accepting of my comfort, in between saying, “You must think me awful.” I didn’t. . . . Slowly, after a few more minutes of gentle sobbing, she said, “I just can’t seem to do anything right when it comes to my husband. I do love him so much and want him to be proud of me, but I don’t think he feels the same way.” I just let her talk, not offering advice, but just listening. She continued, “I don’t understand why I am not enough for him; I think he prefers an older woman.”

There had been tongue-in-cheek comments previously about her thinking her husband was visiting another lady, as she put it, which was hard to hear. But those comments had appeared to be suspicions only, so I had reassured her and reminded her how beautiful she was. This time it was clearly out in the air and needed a response. I asked her why she felt that. What followed was very alarming to hear. “I know he is seeing Camilla again. Am I expected to accept that, like the other Princesses of Wales before, one just turns a blind eye to husbands having a mistress! Why does he not love me? I really don’t understand. I have tried everything, tried to conform to his wishes even though I don’t always agree. There’s no affection between us, and I am always on my own. I just want to be loved. I can’t keep going on like this. They are really expecting me to just say nothing and keep going. How do I do that?” . . . There would be several other conversations in the future, but in this moment in 1986, I tried to help to heal a wound, to bandage it up so it could have time to heal. But it would leave a scar.

Diana reveals her struggle with an eating disorder.

Her head dropped and, unable to look me in the eye, she said, “I am so ashamed, Anne, but I need to tell you that I suffer from bulimia.” Her shame was evidently painful for her. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to admit it to you, until now.” . . . Diana explained that her bulimia had started when she had started attending important functions, particularly dinners where she had to sit down to eat. . . . Meeting so many people was terrifying to her and the feeling that she was being judged with every move she made or how she looked or what she said caused her to feel totally inadequate. Although she had gained more confidence over the years, there were still times where she resorted to the cycle of bulimia. . . . Understanding the disease was the way forward, I told her, adding that finding ways not to judge herself would come in time.”

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Tensions with Charles escalate behind the scenes.

From the minute the class started, I could tell Diana was distracted and troubled. She tried very hard to work through her feelings, but I could see from her body language and her fatigue after a short routine that this was not something she could throw off. She was dealing with feelings and emotions very deep inside her, and I knew she wanted to express them, but it was very difficult—she felt so vulnerable. In pure despair, she dropped to the floor, sobbing. I was distressed for her. I could feel the pain and turmoil she was in. I let her just cry.

After a few minutes, apologizing profusely for dumping on me when I had enough on my mind, she started to talk through the tears. “I just don’t know what to do, Anne. I find myself in an unbearable situation. I haven’t seen Charles for weeks and he doesn’t want to talk to me. I thought he would come back to me, and we could work things out. How do I go on when I’m not wanted?” Her hurt was deep, and she could not see a way through it. My heart was broken for her.

I can still vividly remember the deep anxiety and dread she felt, the emotional conflict within her, and her fear for the future. It was a complex situation and she was searching for honest answers and solutions. The question of separation had been brought up, but I didn’t believe that separation was an option, and told her. The palace would never agree, and I honestly didn’t think that was what she wanted. Diana wanted Charles to be with her and to love her. Even though she was in her own romantic affair, at this point, Charles was still the man she desired and that was why it was so agonizing for her. “Keeping my family together is the most important thing to me,” she said, still crying.

Allan and Diana’s professional relationship ends in 1989 with Allan's move to Scotland. Their contact fades over time, and Allan learns of Diana’s Paris car crash while at a Toronto work event.

I prayed that Diana was going to pull through, but I felt such heaviness in my heart. I knew I might be fooling myself. I sat up with [my daughter] Emily until news of her death was announced. Her life ended on August 31, 1997. Like the rest of the world, I was in total shock. My first cohesive thoughts were of William and Harry. How do you tell two young people that they are never going to see their mother again? I sobbed for them. I also wept for Charles, who would suffer deeply, regardless of the divorce. The circumstances of the death were horrendous. . . .On the day of her funeral, I joined millions of other people from around the world in watching the service and procession on television.

Afterwards, I held my own private vigil at home, surrounding myself with candles, flowers, and Diana’s dance photos and letters. All I could do was remember and cherish the time we had together. It helped to fill the emptiness I was feeling. I would need a fair bit of time over the next few months to come to terms with her death.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, please go to NationalEatingDisorders.org.

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