Yahoo Lifestyle 19 Women Who've Absolutely Had ENOUGH Of This Patriarchy Malarkey
We recently covered this Reddit thread where women shared the things that men just don't understand. Women of the BuzzFeed Community also chimed in with more brutally honest things they desperately want men to understand. Here's what they shared:
1."My husband wants a woman as a wife, but he gets SO ANNOYED when I can't hold 50 pounds at arm's length for an indeterminate amount of time, like when I'm 'helping' with a project of some sort. I've repeatedly told him that if he wanted a man, he should have married one. But his frustration with me is palpable and upsetting."
2."Since I've always been the one who earns more, I find it infuriating that my work, or anything else for that matter, is not as important as anything he does. He thinks it's OK to interrupt what I'm doing so that I can do something for him, something he could easily do himself, but I'm 'better' at doing it! If you see something that needs to be done, do it! Also, your lack of planning the night before and failure to get YOUR work things ready should not be my emergency the next morning."
—Anonymous
3."Just because you're a 'nice guy' doesn't mean everyone is. I did not think my husband was sheltered at all. We were watching 9 to 5, and it got to the part where the boss was taking credit for Lily Tomlin's work right in front of her, and dropping things on purpose so Dolly Parton had to pick them up. He looked so surprised and said, 'Guys actually do this?' Yes, not everyone is like you. We have to think about working and safety in a totally different way."
4."For the love of god, I am not being dramatic about my period cramp pain level. I've had to go to the ER after passing out due to ruptured cysts. I've had a child. I'm 35 years old and a working professional who handles my business. Believe me when I say I need to lie down for a little bit or take it slow. Just because you will never understand that type of pain doesn't mean I'm being melodramatic."
"I throw up from cramps regularly. The only other time in my life I’ve thrown up due to pain is when I broke my foot. I hate that people don’t take it seriously."
5."Just how shallow a lot of men are. I'm a plus-size woman, and I get treated absolutely horribly by men. I'm lucky I found my husband because I was so scared I'd never find someone who loved me. So many men treat 'unattractive' women like they're invisible or punching bags. Prettier girls get so much more grace and understanding, more opportunities, and general kindness. It's so sad. Encourage your friends to be more open-minded and kinder to women they don't find attractive. It's just being a decent person."
—Anonymous
6."Just because you've been in a relationship with a woman for a while doesn't mean you can stop wooing her. So many men quit making an effort and expect women to suddenly be 'in the mood' whenever they feel like it. Buy her flowers, compliment her, spend time with her, be positive, and clean yourself up."
—Anonymous
7."Men: 8-to-5 jobs. Women: 24/7 jobs. How fair! When we marry, we become a mother to a manchild, then we have children and NEVER get help. Some men have blinders on. Just because you work eight hours doesn’t mean you are done. HELP OUT, MEN!"
8."I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO!!! My husband is 'in charge' of taking out the trash and recycling. I even explained that this meant he would take them both out without being asked to, put a new trash bag in the can, and put the recycling container back in its proper spot. How often do you think I still have to remind him to do all of these things? 9.5 out of 10 times. It's VERY frustrating."
—Anonymous
9."I had stage-four endometriosis along with a tilted uterus. Sex could be uncomfortable, if not downright painful. My ex would get mad when I said I was in too much pain or I didn’t feel up to having sex. He told me I was exaggerating my pain because I didn't want to have sex. Several years after we had split, I had to have an emergency hysterectomy because my colon, bowels, and intestines had grown onto my uterus. I almost called him to say, 'I told you something was wrong!' Men have no clue what women go through on a good day."
10."For the love of god, just be direct with women about whether you want marriage or not, and put a timeframe on it. I've seen several men dangle marriage like a carrot on a stick in front of their girlfriend and keep her hanging around unmarried for nearly a decade, only to ultimately break up with her and marry someone else within six months."
"I'm not at a point where l ever want to get married, but when l ask a man about his intentions after a little dating, it's always some sort of 'let's just go with the flow' or 'no need to label things' BS. I want the truth — whether it's that you want a sex buddy or a real partner. Withholding that information because you think it'll damage your chances at sex is actually going to damage those chances because I'm out of here as soon as l hear some babbling."
11."I'm wondering how I never noticed it before, but as my husband gets older, he is lazier and dirtier. He never cleans up after himself, especially in the kitchen. He's become somewhat of a hoarder, saving containers of margarine, medicine, and other things. He refused to hear me when I said that it caused me anxiety. I became disabled and lost a lot of my eyesight over the last few years, and the clutter and messes drive me up a wall!"
—Anonymous
12."I would like men to understand that the time has come for them to support women and reproductive choices. Where are the men standing up for our rights? Women have had men's backs since humanity began."
—Anonymous
13."The majority of porn is not ethical, and if you aren't making efforts to ensure all the porn you consume is ethically made and that the artists are appropriately compensated, you are harming women by watching it. I have absolutely zero interest in dating a man who isn't ethical with his porn consumption because, further down the line, I can guarantee that lack of concern for women's welfare will apply to me too."
—Anonymous
14."It took the first 25 years of our marriage to get my husband to take his plate to the kitchen sink. Now I'm working on getting him to actually put it in the dishwasher every time. Occasionally, he puts it in the dishwasher, but if it's full of clean stuff, he will leave the dirty plate on the side and walk away. He doesn't think about emptying the dishwasher. Oh, and it's only ever his plate, knife, and fork that he puts in, not all the dishes and pans he used to cook his food. We cook separately because I'm vegetarian and he's not, but I seem to do 100% of the clearing up most days."
"Also, if he needs a hand with something, like getting someone to pass him some tool, steady his ladder, etc., he expects me to stop whatever I'm doing immediately to go and assist. But if I ask for help, I get snarled at, and he says, 'I'm busy,' or 'Just wait.' It's as if whatever I'm doing is less important.
Oh, and my new boss (male) calls me 'honey.' I bet he doesn't call the men on his team that."
—Anonymous
15."STOP telling women to smile. We don't exist for your entertainment. Do you go around telling men to smile? And if I smile, like when I smiled on a plane because this man let me pass before him, it doesn't mean I want you! And it certainly doesn't mean following me all the way to the curbside and trying to get into a cab with me. WTF! Emotional toddlers."
—Anonymous
16."I manage our schedules and calendar for the entire family (him and I plus two kids). We have daily conversations about things happening during the week (or just important conversations in general). He retains absolutely ZERO information!!! BUT THEN he likes to joke (really complain) that I'm controlling! I have explained to him so many times that I have to be controlling because he literally cannot be held responsible for anything. If I DIDN'T control everything, nothing would get done!"
—Anonymous
17."I can't believe I have to say this, but men need to stop with the 'jokes' about sexual assault. It's certainly a reflection of their actual attitude about women, which is that women are there to serve them and that women who stand up for their BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS are doing something wrong. I do not want to hear another 'she was asking for it' comment (as a response to something completely unrelated to women's rights), or, 'I can't cook, so I'll find a woman to do it for me!' or 'If she gets an abortion, how will anyone know she's mine?' Yes, these are all real comments I've heard, usually in much more vulgar terms."
"And then men who say this kind of garbage complain that they can't find a sex doll (oh, sorry, I meant girlfriend). I know men think if they demean us enough, they'll beat us down enough that we'll give in and serve them. It's not happening. Men, if you say this kind of stuff, we hear it. And we will avoid you rather than take our clothes off for you. Don't be disappointed. It's illogical to think that women are different from men and that we like to have our feelings hurt."
—Anonymous
18."The daily discrimination and/or harassment women face at work. Men honestly think we are treated equally and complain about DEI. Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion is a myth men rant about; men are so privileged. And we have to constantly walk on eggshells to avoid offending male sensibilities on a daily basis! Whoever said women are emotional and sensitive never dealt with man-children at work! I’m not your wife or mother, and I don’t want to date you. Keep your hands and misogyny to yourself. It’s the 21st century, and it might as well be the Dark Ages!"
—Anonymous
19.And: "I want men to know how off-balance the whole partnership with them can be. Women are expected to be models, maids, chefs, brood mares, taxi services, secretaries, sperm recipients, wage contributors, and more, all with a sunny disposition and a smile. Meanwhile, marriage robs us of our names and independence along with our personal identities. We have gone from being 'Jane Doe' to 'Mrs. John Doe,' or worse, diminished from who we were into the role of 'mother,' 'housewife,' or 'homemaker.' Meanwhile, men can stay who they are. We become less attractive as we age naturally but are expected to keep looking like we did when we were young, while men are expected to go gray, grow a paunch, and bald, and that's OK. It's a double standard. There are more gray divorces because women are tired of being treated like a doormat and want a life. Men should understand that women are not put on this planet to service them."
—Anonymous
Women, what else do you really want men to understand? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
