Yahoo Lifestyle 12 People Currently Dealing With Batshit Wedding Drama Are Spilling All The Tea, And It's Absolutely Bonkers
Wedding drama knows no season! Receiving a save-the-date can be such a blessing or such a curse. Here are some of the spiciest wedding debacles folks on r/weddingshaming have been dealing with over the past few weeks:
1."A close friend of mine told me as she was planning her wedding that they weren't actually going to get married. She wanted to do it for social media and gifts. I was asked to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I had my dress and everything. She told me eight months before her wedding. I was shocked and appalled. Her reasons for not wanting to actually legally marry him were wild. Long story short, I told her I couldn't stand up at the wedding knowing all of this and immediately resold my bridesmaid dress and never talked to her again. It's shocking the extent people will go to. I often wonder if she went through with this sham of a 'wedding.'"
"He didn't know about this. He thought they'd be legally married. She told me she was never going to send it in. She also wanted us to spend $3,000 each on her bachelorette party for a wedding that wasn't even happening so she could post about her bach party on social media. She also wanted her bridesmaids to pay $750 each for her bridal shower. I, unfortunately, had to eat the cost of my flight as I decided not to go to either after she told me about this fake wedding."
2."My future sister-in-law is getting married this summer and is having a Monday-Friday wedding week at a destination location that is a 10-hour flight + long train ride away (the wedding is in Italy, and most of the family is in Florida). They have rented an estate/villa where everyone will be staying. It seems like it's in a pretty remote area, and they just told all of us that the accommodations were taken care of. My fiancé is not thrilled about sharing bathrooms and bedrooms (two to four beds per room) with multiple family members as if he were in a dorm, but it is what it is since we're not paying for it. My future mother-in-law just called us to ask if we can come a day early to help grocery shop because guests will be cooking meals throughout the week for everyone (~50 people total)."
"It turns out FSIL is only getting a caterer for their wedding dinner (Thursday), so guests will have to take a week of vacation from work to take turns cooking for everyone, cleaning, washing dishes, etc., throughout the week.
I won't be able to go on those dates, which works great for me (!!), but I am feeling really bad for my partner and everyone else who seemingly doesn't know what they're getting into.
Note: We do not come from a culture where multiday weddings are the norm."
3."I'm 28F and going to my best friend's (from when we were teenagers) wedding in April. Late last year, I found out I was the only one in the wedding party who was actively denied a plus-one. There are three bridesmaids and a mother of the bride on the bride's side, and I'm her informal maid of honor. When I received the formal invite, I asked if I could bring my girlfriend of two years as a plus-one since it wasn't on the invitation. The bride said yes and that she would just check with the groom. We also had another quick chat where I said we would be willing to pay for any additional costs for her! Cut to a few days later: I got a LONG text from her saying sorry, but I couldn't have a plus-one because they had said no to other guests.'"
"Because I live around four hours away and she and her fiancé hadn't really met my girlfriend, at first we understood. I explained that because the hotel was so expensive and a journey, she would come to stay with me but not attend the wedding or reception, and they agreed.
As we thought about it more and I learned more information, we're unsure of the real reason behind the denial. I've honestly only met the groom maybe five times, so a long-distance friendship has never been an issue for us. I also found out one of the bridesmaid's partners is invited and coming. I asked indirectly how many times they've met him, and she said only once, but they have a child and have been dating a year longer than my girlfriend and I.
Her mother's partner is walking her down the aisle, and the last bridesmaid's husband is her uni roommate, so everyone else will have a significant other. I'm unsure if she caught on to my subtle questions or felt guilty, but she invited my girlfriend to an 'after-after party' and then, 10 minutes later, said she would have to check with the groom first.
Understandably, my girlfriend is getting a bit insulted by getting informal invites that are then retracted. Honestly, she doesn't want to go now, even if she gets a full formal invitation. I'm so torn being part of the wedding party. I won't decline or make any drama, but I think this is the beginning of a more distant friendship between us. I've asked my mother and sister, and they both think it's so rude and think the groom might have hesitation as we're the only queer couple that would be a part of the main wedding party!"
4."My SIL is getting married this summer at a destination (sort of) a couple of hours away (it's not really a place to vacation and is similar to where we live). It's a micro wedding, exclusive invite, bougie, etc. Anyway, they decide to have a second wedding closer to home with a ton of people. We thought it was odd to have two, but they said they couldn't afford to have all the people they wanted at the first wedding, so they're having another they can afford to bring everyone to. She wants a small wedding, and he wants a big wedding. Instead of compromising or working together, they're each having their own wedding. They each have their own venue, staff hired, etc."
"When they were over for Christmas, we asked why, and that was their explanation. They seem to be in a solid relationship, but this appears to counteract the whole idea of marriage. If it's about both of you joining together, why do you each have your own thing?
We're expected to stay at a $200+ a night hotel, two-night minimum, for the destination wedding. The destination is a three-hour drive away into the mountains. Basically, they chose a place that doubled the commute for his family (it would take them three hours to drive to where they live vs. 6-7 for the venue), and by picking this place, they basically isolated a whole half of the family. Yes, we're expected to attend both, and yes, they have two different registries (one for each wedding). They're literally going further from any invitees rather than closer, making the travel worse for everyone."
5."My (late 20s) partner (early 30s) and I were originally sent the save the date for the wedding of his good university friend (both bride and groom in their late 20s). We all live in the same city and have probably hung out as couples once a month since post-COVID when they moved here. My partner was originally asked to be a groomsman before it was decided that the wedding party would be family only (totally understandable as there are six siblings combined). We got the save the date one year in advance and an invite in both our names about three months ago (the wedding is next month)."
"Yesterday, my partner went out for a drink with the groom and was told that he was so sorry, but unfortunately, I had my invite rescinded as they have decided that all plus ones have to be engaged or married. I and several other girlfriends/boyfriends have been removed from the attendee list, and even some of their aunts and uncles are being told that their partners cannot attend anymore. When asked why, they have supposedly decided they want their day to be a true 'celebration of love' and, therefore, only want 'committed' couples in attendance.
My partner and I have been in a relationship longer than the bride and groom. We've been together for nine years this year. Meanwhile, their wedding day will be on their sixth anniversary. Neither of us is interested in getting married, and everyone in our lives knows this and (we thought) respected our decision. My partner is still invited. Thankfully, the wedding is in the local area, so we had no pre-paid expenses, though I know some other couples won't be so lucky.
My partner still hasn't made up his mind on whether or not to attend. I'm content either way with his decision. It hurts to be told in an around-the-houses way that someone thinks my relationship is less than theirs because we will not get married, but I am choosing to sit back and watch it unfold rather than get upset on someone else's behalf."
6."My younger sister is getting married in March. We don't even have bridesmaid dresses yet. Her wedding will have around 250 guests and be at one of the most extravagant (expensive) venues on the East Coast. She has been engaged for two years now and hadn't asked anyone to be in her party up until October of last year. She gave us cute little boxes and asked my niece and nephew by handing them each a $20 bill to be a junior bridesmaid and groomsman. I asked if my daughter was in the wedding and she told me I should've just assumed."
"Picking out her dress was a disaster. She doesn't work and would only schedule appointments to try on dresses during the week because the weekend is when she spends time with her fiancé. They don't even live together; she still lives at home.
While picking out dresses, my older sister used an inflation calculator to see how much our parents were spending on our younger sister compared to her own dress 15 years ago. She sat in silence the whole time, fuming.
I have been trying to plan a bridal shower for months. The only catch was that my sister wants to be involved in every decision. She is very worried about how things look and her self-image. She finally picked out a place for the shower after I'd made extensive lists of restaurants with pricing, type of food, etc.
Right now, we're dealing with decorations for the shower. My sister is expecting me, my SIL, and my older sister to foot the bill for this shower's ridiculous and expensive decorations because she told me she has a certain vision she wants to stick to, which normally would be fine if it were in our budget. She has three other bridesmaids. She told me yesterday that they're not going to have to pay for anything because two of them are buying plane tickets to get here, and the other one is making cookies for the dessert table.
My older sister is throwing a conniption over how ridiculous our younger sister is being. She even said she's not buying her a gift because our younger sister didn't buy her a gift for her wedding or baby shower 15 years ago when she was 10 years old mind you.
At this point, I've been asking my younger sister for her 'vision board' so I can try to make the things she wants within the month of her bridal shower. We aren't even going to do a bach party because it's too close to the wedding, and she wanted it to be extravagant in Miami, but we couldn't plan it because she still has to make all the decisions.
As far as bridesmaid dresses go, I hope she's okay with a Juicy velour tracksuit from Sam's Club at this point because I don't know how she expects us, who are all very different shapes and sizes, to get dresses that fit by March."
7."I'm getting married tomorrow, and my narcissistic aunt just tried to ruin my wedding by creating chaos because what else would she do? This aunt has a long history of accepting invitations to events and then creating some elaborate story days or sometimes hours before to not come. However, she seemed excited this time, and I thought maybe it was an important enough milestone to make her show up. Keep in mind I've been talking to her about the wedding frequently. She showed me her dress, asked for directions to find the venue, and asked me to invite her sons (originally, she was invited only because I didn't have a strong enough relationship with them and because we were having a small wedding)."
"We invited her months ago, and until yesterday, I would never have guessed what has transpired in the last 24 hours. My aunt messaged me to ask me to invite her mother, a very ill and fragile lady who's 92. I said yes and needed to check with the venue to accommodate her. Her mom uses a wheelchair and travels with a nurse, so I'd have to make room and get food for both her and the nurse. I spent hours trying to figure things out with the venue. Folks, keep in mind this is happening TWO DAYS before the wedding.
After that initial message, she then said, 'No, no, sorry for asking. It was rude of me to ask you that so close to the date.' She then went silent (didn't answer messages or phone calls) for more than 12 hours but sent a message to the group chat with all the guests saying she wouldn't be attending, though she said nothing to me directly.
I messaged her again, thinking something bad had happened. I was so worried about her. Then she finally replied and told me that she was deeply offended and could not tolerate anyone making her beg for her mom to attend any event. She never had to beg, by the way. She added that she still loved me but that this was a very rude thing for me to do, even though she had told me many times about her mom's fragile state and how difficult it was for her to be outside. I told her that I was trying to be mindful of her condition, that it was a very hurtful thing to do, and that I was disappointed in her actions.
She then told me that I was 'closed-minded' and that she would not attend because I didn't deserve her presence and that I was 'not that young anymore.'"
8."I (39f) recently married my amazing husband and had the most incredible day ever, but our parents somehow misunderstood the speech assignment at the reception. My mother only talked about key points in my life where I disappointed her or embarrassed her throughout my childhood and teen years, and one of the memories was particularly embarrassing — so embarrassing that I made sure she didn't bring it up during my 21st birthday speech 18 years ago. She never mentioned anything about my new husband or our relationship at our wedding. She didn't even welcome him into the family. She only talked about how much of an embarrassment I was as a child and even compared me to my older brother and sister."
"It was nothing like a mother-of-the-bride speech at all. I cried over this for a whole day after the wedding. I'm extremely disappointed with her, and when I let her know, she responded that she made a mistake and didn't know what she was saying or know how to write a speech, yet at my sibling's weddings, her speeches were very heartfelt, warm, loving, and how they should be done. She apologized a lot, but I don't know if I can get past this because I feel so disappointed and hurt. She had only one chance to get it right and totally blew it.
She also had this speech written down and prepared. It wasn't off the cuff at all. Everyone I love and respect was in that room at the reception, including bosses and business associates, past work colleagues, college friends, neighbors, family friends, extended family, all my besties, etc. I feel like she was just out to get laughs from people and didn't focus on what a wedding was actually about. I understand you can make a little bit of fun of the bride and groom, but not for the whole speech to be taking the piss!
I know she is feeling really awful about how she let me down. She helped out so much with the preparations for months leading up to the wedding. I love her so much, but I don't know if I can get past this. I feel like she doesn't respect me at all, and being the youngest, she still treats me like I'm 16 years old. I feel like I've lost all respect for her and don't want to see her. I know she'll just hug me and tell me to get over it and move on. I don't know if I can move on from this. I want to punish her by going low contact, but at the same time, I don't hate her; I just hate what she did. I only have one mum in this world, but I also don't want to let her off the hook too easily. It was my only once-in-a-lifetime wedding day. My husband's father's speech was very similar, but he's choosing not to let it get him down, as it wasn't quite as degrading as my mother's speech."
9."I am an expat living overseas. In the country where I currently live, there are three cousins from my dad's side: me, a male cousin (MC), and a female cousin (FC). I'm inviting FC to our wedding because I'm close to her. My fiancé and I are godparents to her baby. She has already confirmed her attendance at my wedding. MC is a different story. He is a bit awkward and tends to say inappropriate things. My fiancé and I didn't invite him to our wedding initially because we wanted to keep our numbers down. A few days ago, my fiancé got some financial support from his family and was able to add some obligatory invites to our guest list. He said we could now add some obligatory invites from my side, so MC and his wife were added to the guest list. I sent the invite a few days ago to MC, and he confirmed his attendance."
"Today, I got a Facebook message from him: 'Thanks for the invite to your wedding! Are you sure about what you're getting into? You're too young. 😀' For context, he is in his late 40s, and I am 34. My fiancé is 40. I replied to him: 'Actually, you're right. I am not quite sure. Might cancel the wedding. I'll let you know.' He left me on read."
10."My S.O.'s brother got married last year at a courthouse wedding. It was cute. All of the family on both sides attended, and we had a huge dinner afterward. Honestly, that should have been the end of it, but this is where it started to stress the shit out of me and piss me off. They're now doing a destination wedding at an all-inclusive resort in Cancun, where 90% of their guests must attend. The resort cost for my S.O. and me for the suggested blocked dates is $4,000!!!! The minimum stay is three nights, which still adds up to $1,700!!!! Not to mention the flights."
"On the invitation at the bottom, it says you may wish to put multiple guests in a room to save money…well, only two adults are allowed in a room, and it's saving no one money anyway; I think it's ABSURD to expect this of people. Let alone to suggest sharing rooms? They also included a wedding registry on their invitation. And the bridal shower. And the bachelor party. This is all AFTER THEY'RE ALREADY MARRIED. Make this your freakin' honeymoon, and don't put the cost on the guests. I think their room is free if they get the minimum number of guests.
What sucks is my S.O. is also his brother's best man and feels obligated to go. I feel like this sham second wedding is greedy and bullshit, and I don't want to go. My S.O.'s mom is freaking out at us for not wanting to go. I have no idea what to do, and it's stressing me out!!! I'm so angry at them for putting us in this position and resent them so much."
11."My caterer had an absolute meltdown and might fire me because something we agreed to do is apparently the most insulting thing she's ever experienced. We are two weeks and one day away from the wedding and are DIY-ing some of it ourselves, so obviously, prep has taken over our lives. When doing most of the planning and booking last year, my fiancé had a lot on his plate at work, so I did most of the original planning as my job was quiet for several months (I work on contract). I was adamant that one thing I would not do myself was the food. I found a vendor in a town half an hour from the venue whose Facebook page had the most beautiful harvest tables, and that was exactly what we wanted, so I booked her and paid the deposit (in April last year, actually, so I figured this was sorted). On her invoice, she noted she'd discuss details like canapés closer to the time."
"Our venue is several hours away from where we live, so this was all via text and email. We finally were in the area and met her last week to discuss it all. She sounded surprised we'd want to meet, but maybe she hadn't realized it was already coming up. I know she is constantly busy (another reason I booked her is because I saw how many events she was tagged in/reviewed well for and figured this was a good sign).
Her first question when we brought up the canapés was, 'What canapés do you want?' I could see my fiancé start chewing his tongue out of the corner of my eye. I'd been talking him down from planning the food himself when we would have other things to do on the day. But my heart had also sunk. Surely she should tell us what she usually does? She told us to think about it and let her know, and we said we would. She was a bit pushy about her sourdough being okay for our celiac guest, but we talked her into playing it safe with rye (I now know that rye is not safe either).
At the end of it, we recapped the entire discussion and said twice that we would send a list of suggestions. She said she would wait for it. So my fiancé made one. We are both detail-oriented people who have catered other events ourselves (massive birthdays and family Christmases of 40+ people, even one family friend's wedding) with all sorts of menus, including plated dining as well as harvest tables, so we know what we like. I have also worked in hospitality and restaurants most of my life, and I loved getting detailed lists from my clients — it really helped.
While ours is a long list, and some of the items are a bit bougie (hey, it's our wedding!), when I forwarded it on, I mentioned these were suggestions, and the end result did not have to be identical. She could let me know what's doable, and we could go from there.
Cue an absolute harpy. It was all voice notes basically saying, 'Never in my life has a couple told me how to do my job.' And apparently, we are taking advantage of her and trying to make her work at a loss. All of this in a vicious Karen-esque tone of voice. She ended by telling me she should perhaps just send me my deposit back. She also spent a good part of it slandering one of the cheesemongers in the area in a most unprofessional way.
Honestly, this was so out of left field. I was absolutely stunned. I apologized for upsetting her (because I had not intended anything of the sort) but reminded her that we agreed on a list when we saw her and tried to underline that the list was just suggestions. I felt that had been clear, but my message with the document was long, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and decided to say she could have missed that.
Her following voice note told me to make up my mind and added that since we now had 50 adults and four kids, instead of 70 adults and five kids, she would have to raise the price per head anyway. What? If that's industry practice, it's certainly new since I was last paid for an event. It's not like she was not being paid for the traveling either.
If she'd calmly brought up that that list would cost more per head, I'd have understood (because, again, some of our tastes can be more pricey!). We could have made concessions or worked out a new budget. But really, to be screeched at makes me want to take her up on her refund offer. I have severe anxiety, and this brought up an entire panic attack when mostly I've had fun planning everything. I know I will not enjoy my wedding day if I'm worried I might have to see her at any point during the afternoon."
12.And: "My cousin, let's call him Jeff (M34), and his fiancé Sarah (F35) are getting married in Manhattan. They announced their engagement at Christmas and said they were deciding between dates. Right after Christmas, we got a text in our family group chat with a half-off deal for a hotel near the venue (no hotel blocks announced yet), with them saying the wedding date would be in October. A week later, Jeff puts in the family group chat that they decided on a different date — one in March of this year — and that everyone who booked the hotel should get a refund. It's not a great note to start on, but okay. I got an email e-vite to their black tie wedding in Manhattan in March. The venue is outdoors, and no hotel blocks or transport will be provided. They said we should just Uber."
"To me, the black tie attire feels very rude on such short notice, especially since at Christmas, they debated whether to have an open bar to save money, very sparse florals, and a DJ. The wedding is going to be on the grass with the reception inside. This wouldn't be an issue if the wedding were cocktail, but making it so formal feels insulting and inconsiderate. On top of all of this, their registry is the bride's Venmo."
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Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
