Yahoo Lifestyle Can office romances ever work? How to navigate dating at work
On the surface, Babygirl’s Romy seemingly has it all. The inspirational CEO of a hugely successful company, she boasts an elegant quiet-luxury wardrobe with numerous pussybow blouses and lives in a plush, expensive-looking house with her two loving (if slightly teasing) teenage daughters. She’s even married to Antonio Banderas.
However, this coddled and comfortable life she’s fashioned for herself could come crashing down as she embarks on a torrid affair with her office intern Samuel – an insolent and slovenly twenty-something who enjoys degrading her, something that Romy is only too pleased to submit to (she does after all, sup milk on all fours in one memorable scene).
Babygirl is an extreme example, but it’s certainly not the first depiction of the yearning temptations of a workplace fling. There are more wholesome instances on the small screen, such as Dunder Mifflin’s Jim and Pam in The Office, or Mike and Rachel’s sizzling chemistry in Suits. The latter examples show how corporate crushes can have happy endings, but can an office romance truly blossom beyond meetings and computer screens – and can they really work without risking or ruining the career you have worked so hard to cultivate?
Many of us consider workplace partnerships taboo, and they are generally discouraged (the crass adage ‘don’t shit where you eat’ adequately describes why they’re best avoided), but dating a co-worker is a surprisingly common phenomenon. Research conducted by Forbes last year found that around 60 per cent of us have had a fling with a colleague, while another study saw 43 per cent of respondents reveal that they married someone they met through work.
However, even if you find yourself contemplating your workplace husband becoming your actual husband, career coach Victoria McLean warns that caution must be taken when your flirt with your corporate crush.
“Inter-office relationships become tricky – and frankly, inappropriate – when they blur professional lines or tilt the balance of power,” she tells Bazaar. “If you’re managing someone you’re romantically involved with, for example, it creates a minefield of ethical concerns – unsurprisingly, 50 per cent of employees believe workplace romance promotes favouritism. Nothing erodes trust and team dynamics faster than whispered suspicions, so the key is to be transparent, not secretive.”
The executive career coach Beth Hope agrees that those who find themselves in a clinch with a colleague should really think twice before proceeding further. “Ask yourself a quick gut-check question: ‘Would I feel comfortable if everyone, from the CEO to the intern, knew about this?’” she says. “If the answer is no, it’s probably best to pause.”
If you do decide that you want to plunge into mixing the personal with the professional, being up front with anyone who might be impacted is vital from the outset; it’ll likely look worse if it’s kept hidden from colleagues.
“Ignoring these challenges is like putting off laundry; it doesn’t disappear, it just builds up until it’s unmanageable,” McLean says. “You have to take accountability. Be upfront with HR, set boundaries and take steps to avoid conflicts of interest, like changing reporting lines or team structures. It’s not just about how you feel – it’s about how it looks to others. Actions speak louder than intentions, so just do the laundry. Being on-the-ball will show you’re prioritising fairness and professionalism.”
Neutral parties are vital to avoid allegations of favouritism, adds Hope. “It’s also crucial that your partner’s career isn’t solely influenced by your position. If your relationship starts to shift the team dynamic, acknowledge it and actively work to restore trust and balance.”
Setting a clear dividing line between your dating persona and your work persona is of utmost importance should things get serious – on both sides.
“Your relationship doesn’t need to be a constant board meeting, so agree to leave work talk at work,” McLean says. “No PDA at the office (41 per cent of employees are uncomfortable with this), no favouritism and definitely no dragging colleagues into your bubble. Treat each other like the professionals you both are. It’s about carving out space where you’re just you, not the work version of yourselves, so that you thrive as a couple as well as colleagues.”
Of course, the path to true love never did run smooth, and sometimes, like Romy, you could find yourself being tempted by someone who is in a significantly more junior position than you. This could do serious damage to the career you’ve worked so hard for if the relationship is seen to be impacting your decision-making.
If you proceed, you may have to accept that either your role, or your partner’s role, may change in order to avoid a conflict of interest. “This is one of those ‘handle with extreme care’ situations,” McLean says. “The second things get serious, loop in HR, because secrecy only makes it messier.
“Then, step away from any decision-making tied to your partner’s career. Delegate their projects to another manager, set up independent performance reviews, move yourself to a different department or team.
“The point is to let them shine – or fail – on their own merit. And ask yourself regularly: ‘Am I being fair to everyone, or am I letting this relationship cloud my judgement?’”
Of course, relationships can often become all-consuming, and if that relationship literally follows you to the office, it’s importance to practise self awareness to prevent any unintentional bias.
“Be sure to take stock regularly,” Hope says. “Pause and reflect: ‘What’s really going on here?’, It may be time to reassess your boundaries and have an open, honest conversation with your partner – or HR.”
Like any partnership, whether it started on a dating app, organically or at work, some relationships flourish – and others flounder. An office relationship may be tough, but an office break-up is even tougher.
“You must stay composed,” McLean says. “No matter how tempting it is to vent in the kitchen or throw a pity party at your desk, personal feelings should never cloud your professional judgement.
“Agree on ground rules with your ex for how you’ll interact at work. Avoid gossip, keep your focus on doing your job well and lean on friends outside the office for support. If your ex crosses boundaries, spreads rumours or makes you feel targeted, report it immediately to HR or someone in authority.
“No one should endure harassment. Document incidents and stand firm in protecting your workplace rights.”
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