Mom Says It's 'All or Nothing' After One of Her Twins Is Invited to a Birthday Party Without the Other (Exclusive)

The twin mom tells PEOPLE why she wasn't ready for her twins to start separating their social lives at 5 years old

• When a mom of twins discovered one of her daughters was invited to a classmate's party but the other was not, she didn't know what to do

• Kristen shared the situation with her TikTok community, and commenters were divided on how to proceed

• Ultimately, Kristen reached out to the birthday child's mom, a move that also had commenters sharing both support and criticism

A twin mom shared a parenting dilemma on TikTok recently — and got quite a divided response.

In her TikTok video, Kristen (@thefoxsaystwins) details a situation in which one of her 5-year-old identical twin girls was invited to a party and the other seemingly was not. When it comes to her twins, she says, her gut tells her it's "all or nothing."

Kristen's video went viral after people thought her take was wrong.

"I've been active on TikTok for five years and I've had some other things that are controversial, but this did not feel like something that was going to be that," she tells PEOPLE. "I was incredibly surprised by the amount of negative feedback in response to the situation."

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Related: Mom Defends Viral Reaction to Dropping 7-Year-Old Daughter Off at 7-Hour Birthday Party (Exclusive)

Taking a glance at the guest list, Kristen noticed the rest of her girls' class was invited. This gave her an inkling that some kind of mix-up had occurred in omitting one of her daughters.

A few identical twin parents in her comments questioned whether the birthday child was even aware that the twins were two separate kids.

"They had experiences where their kids were identical and a friend didn't understand they were playing with two separate kids," she says with a laugh. "I did think about it, because my girls are super identical."

Kristen ultimately found herself "on the fence" about how to handle the situation. On one hand, she felt inclined pass on the party all together, but knew the girls were interested in going.

"I did get massive hate," she acknowledges of talking through the situation on TikTok. "People told me I'm entitled. They told me that my twins are individuals and they're going to have their own friends. And look, I totally agree. There will be a time and place where only one gets invited to things. There's gonna be many times in my life where there's one invited and one is not, but this is for a 5th birthday party. These kids are so young, and they're in the same class and they're the same gender."

After some debate about how to best handle it, Kristen decided to reach out to the birthday child's mom to clarify whether one or both of the girls were invited. Commenters criticized her decision.

"People were like, 'How dare you think about reaching out to the mom to confirm?' And I think that was the most surprising thing, that a lot of people had negative feedback around my feeling that our RSVP was either going to be for both or none. That stemmed from me asking them if they wanted to go, because sometimes kids don't want to go to these things which is all right too," she adds.

"I still don't think it was wrong to reach out. I made it very clear when I messaged the mom that I was embarrassed to even be sending the message," Kristen continues. "Either answer was totally okay and I truly mean that. It's just that right now, I didn't feel like I was in a place to pick up the pieces for the one who wasn't invited because I don't think there's anything I could have done with her to make up for missing a birthday party with her friends that her sister was included in at this age."

Reaching out turned out to be the right move because Kristen learned the whole situation was in fact a big mix-up.

"I had other twin parents that reached out [on TikTok] and were like, 'Hey was this from Evite?' Because they'd had the same problem. Knowing that, I looked it up and it was true," she explains. "It was actually a glitch!"

"Evite doesn't let you include the same email address twice," Kristen explains. "So the mom uploaded the class roster and since both my daughters have my contact information identical, it only went out to one."

"Once I shared what really happened, the comments were more positive, but some people were like, 'You gave her no choice. You forced her hand.' I don't agree with that, but I know I followed my gut," she shares.

"The feedback and commentary on Instagram vs. TikTok was incredibly different," she continues. "On Instagram, I was flooded with supportive comments and other twin parents sharing how they've been in this situation. Many agreed with going all or nothing. There were also some twin parents who said, 'You need to let them be individuals,' " she says.

The twin mom is hopeful this, and other content she's shared on her accounts, helps other twin parents get by a little easier.

"The whole reason I started a social media presence on them was because it was tough. We weren't expecting twins, let alone identical twins. It happened randomly," she shares. "It was a way to get some information out there during pregnancy and help me kind of get through that first year. Then after the girls turned 1, it was like there was nothing available to me."

"Other twin moms were really buttoned up and put together and I was hanging on by a thread," Kristen says. "I don't have time to do my hair or makeup. I wanted to share authentically and honestly what it's like to be a mom of twins. There's been so much support and it also helps others. If I can help another twin mom or twin dad feel seen and like, 'Wow, I'm not at this alone,' then that's a win."