Yahoo Lifestyle This Woman’s Friend Is Trying To Tag Along On Her Honeymoon, And She’s Wondering If She’s The A**Hole For Refusing To Book The Same Flights
Recently, on the Am I The Asshole subreddit, a bride went viral after asking if she is an asshole for telling her best friend she didn't want her vacationing to Barcelona at the same time as her honeymoon.
In a now-deleted post saved by moderators, the original poster said, "I'm (female, 30) getting married very soon and planning to go to Barcelona for my honeymoon, which I thought I had told my best friend (female, 30). A few days ago, my friend told me that she was planning a trip to Barcelona the day after my wedding, which I was initially taken aback by since I thought she had planned this knowing I was going."
"My friend has joked before about tagging along to my honeymoon and can be clingy at times which has been noted and commented on by other friends. She made it clear that she didn't know about my plans but that she would go ahead with her plans."
She continued, "I would prefer if this weren't the case, but I can't stop her from going to a part of the world. From previous encounters, I anticipate that she will want to spend some time with us while we are there, and I can foresee her feeling offended if we don't.
"I suggested to my friend that if we are all going at the same time, my husband and I book different flights, and expressed that I would not feel comfortable being on the exact same flights."
"After our conversation, I got a phone call from my other friend asking me what I'd done to upset my best friend. She was upset by my comment about feeling uncomfortable with taking the same flights and can't understand what about that made me uncomfortable."
"She says that I have made her feel as though she's done something wrong, which is why I'm avoiding being in the same airplane as her."
"This was really surprising to me, and now my best friend doesn't want to speak to me, and my second friend is seemingly on my best friend's side and says I should apologize. I feel so confused. I feel as though I am justified in wanting to take separate flights. I don't want to dismiss my friend's feelings, but I'm struggling to understand her reaction."
Most commenters sided with the bride. User 23saround felt the best friend's actions were definitely intentional. "She 100% planned to crash the honeymoon."
"What is the chance that she just so happened to pick the exact location on the exact same dates down to the exact same flight??"
And user EatThisShit agreed, saying, "I want to bet that the original poster did talk about Barcelona, and [the friend] is now (successfully) gaslighting the original poster into thinking she never did."
"The world is big, and her booking the same trip at the same time, up to the flight, is way too much of a coincidence...Some people don't deserve to know what you're up to or how you feel about certain things."
Others thought there might even be something more sinister at play. User Super_Reading2048 said, "Not the asshole. My take on it? Get her out of your bridal party if she is in it, and stand firm on not revealing your flight and honeymoon in another country. Only don’t tell her (or anyone) about your change of plans until you get back."
"Then when you get back, go to therapy, examine your relationship with her, and get this crazy lady out of your life. Change your locks, passwords, everything. Get security cameras. I could be wrong, but she sounds obsessed with you (and stalkers go crazy when you cut them out of your life.)"
User Mayalestrange agreed. "Not the asshole. This woman is either into you, into your husband, psychologically unstable, or some combination of the above. Change flights to avoid her and block her on all channels."
"If she knows where your accommodation is, change it. Reset any passwords on your emails and any accounts related to travel that you may have used on devices in her home, etc. Don't post about where you are in real-time on social media. Make sure she's removed from any apps that might track or share your location."
Commenters like Foamy-lizard were also on the bride's side. They said, "No friend of mine would’ve invited themselves to my honeymoon. That’s dumb as hell. If they were naive enough to do so, I’d probably make it awkward as hell and say, 'Nope, can’t hang out on my honeymoon — too busy having mind-blowing sex.'"
User davekayaus agreed, saying, "She's trying to insert herself into your honeymoon, and now she's trying to enlist others to get you to view this as acceptable. You need to shut this down hard. Yes, still go to Barcelona, but this 'friend' should no longer be coming to your wedding or being privy to any information about your travel plans."
"Talk to your fiancé about this and come up with a plan to shut her out, and then do it. Your 'friend' doesn't want to respect your boundaries, so you need to enforce them."
Some users felt that the bride needed to take responsibility for letting the friendship go as far as it had. User seafoamspider said, "You're the asshole — to yourself. You wasted how many years hanging out with these emotionally and mentally abusive people, considering them your 'best friends?' You need to rethink your entire life and thought processes if your life has gotten you to this point."
Others, like Jerico_Hill, agreed that the bride should have been more forceful about her friend's behavior sooner. "You should have nipped this craziness in the bud a while ago. On what planet is it normal to follow your friend on their honeymoon? On what planet is it normal to get mad that said friend doesn't want to spend their HONEYMOON with you?"
"The fact that friend two got involved indicates to me that your bestie does this quite often, and friend two is used to you taking the full brunt of the crazy. This is absolute fucking, single-white female madness, mate. Don't let it continue."
User voidmusik thought the bride needed to take more responsibility for her actions in the situation. "I see all the not the asshole comments griping on her clinginess, but I'm actually going with you're the asshole, 'cause it's your behavior we're debating."
"Could you have changed your flight w/o telling her? Seems rude to tell people you're uncomfortable being around them. You're absolutely allowed to feel that way, but voicing it is a dick move. I see my peeps out in the wild all the time, but unless we have plans, I just nod or wave to acknowledge their existence, then ignore them and continue with my plans. I particularly don't like being around my coworkers, and I avoid them, as per my want, but it'd be a dick move to TELL them I'm avoiding them. Be subtle, yo. Play your cards closer to your vest."
And finally, user Middleground- said they felt both women were at fault and needed to communicate more clearly. "Everyone sucks here. The friend sucks for all the reasons already listed. But saying, 'I’m uncomfortable being on the same flight as you,' is nonsensical. You are uncomfortable confronting her about crashing your honeymoon."
"Embrace the real issue instead of breezing by it with an unclear statement. 'I’m uncomfortable' avoids what you actually are concerned about and leaves too much space for interpretation."
Now that you've read all this, what do you think? Should she sit her friend down and communicate with her about why she doesn't want her there? Should she just change her flights and not mention it? Or should she get this best friend out of her life for good?
