Yahoo Lifestyle The Internet Is Yelling At The Parents Of This Gen Z'er Who Feels Guilty For Wanting To Move Out Of Their Home
Living at home with your parents after graduating college — or for that matter, any stage of adulthood because this economy is wild — is very normal nowadays. I did it post-college and even moved back home at one point during Covid to get back on my feet before fleeing the coop again.
While living independently from your family is a great life lesson in many ways, one thing it should not do is make you feel guilty. Unfortunately, that's what's happening for this OP (original poster) who shared their thoughts on moving out in the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit. They turned to the Reddit community to ask if they'd be an asshole for moving out of their parent's home. Here's their relatable story:
The OP wrote, "I (20) want to move out of my parent's house into a city 30 minutes away from them, where I attend university. However, the situation at home is kinda busy right now since my grandparents moved into a retirement home, so now my mother has to organize doctor appointments and a lot of financial stuff for them."
The OP continued by writing, "My mother has been on sick leave for the past few months to do so but will be returning to her job right when I'm planning to move out. We also have a dog to take care of, and of course, there are a lot of chores around the house that I'm heavily involved in since our household only consists of my mother, stepdad, and me."
"I wanted to move out for almost a year now since I don't have the best (or close) relationship with my parents, but they always found something that would hinder me. The latest is the situation with my grandparents. I honestly feel like I am being guilt-trapped (I got called an 'egoist pig' recently), and now I'm considering just moving out despite what my parents tell me, as I'm in the financial situation to do so," the OP wrote.
"For further clarification, I don't plan on completely abandoning my parents, as I'll still live close enough to help them out if needed, but me leaving home will make life much more stressful for them," they added. Lastly, the OP made it a point to add that they are financially independent from their parents. Their parents have known about their desire to move out, and they have taken on big responsibilities in the household since they were a young teenager when their biological parents broke up.
Before we get to what people on Reddit had to say about the OP's situation, I want to hear if you've ever been in a similar spot.
Now, let's move on to what the Reddit community had to say.
The thread was filled with helpful advice for the OP and anyone in a similar situation. Like this one:
"You are not an asshole. It sounds like they're intentionally holding onto you so that they can get help around the house. Honestly, that's pretty asshole-ish of them, especially since they KNOW you want to leave. Everyone involved is an adult, minus the dog, and should be responsible for themselves. It's not your job to provide care or housekeeping. Leave. Do your own thing. Maybe just come by often the first month, then slowly retract your assistance over the next few months so they can get used to doing everything themselves."
This commenter brought up some valid points.
"NTA if you leave. You are an adult, and should be able to have an independent adult life. I’m in the camp of we don’t owe our parents for their decision to have us (nor will my kids owe me), but it’s still good to maintain a relationship with them when safe to do so. A healthy adult relationship with your parents does not require you to continue living at home though, nor does it involve them calling you names or guilt tripping you for pursuing your own adult life.
I think it’s a good thing to acknowledge their need for help, and still be willing to step in some. I also think it’s a good thing for you to move forward with your independence."
Smart advice was given by this person.
"You must invest your energy in building your adult life and future career. You're not an 'egoist pig' for not wanting to be a servant to your parents. Do not ever lend them money or co-sign anything for them. It sounds like they think they own you and everything you have."
Like this person mentioned, setting boundaries is key.
"NTA. If they're bullying you and they're happy to hold you back, why do you care how they manage? Don't tell them until you're ready to pack up and leave, so they don't have as much time to sabotage you. Then, set boundaries and hold them to a certain behavior if they want a relationship. Run and don't look back."
This commenter also gave solid advice.
"Part of being an adult is making decisions and acting on them. If your parents are paying your bills or you are going to use them to give you the illusion of independence using their money, then you would be the asshole. If you have a job and cover your own expenses, move out and do what you want. Worse case, don't expect to take any more than your clothes and other personal items."
What are your thoughts on this situation? Share it all with me in the comments below!
