Yahoo Lifestyle People Are Sheepishly Sharing The Silliest Ways They've Accidentally Injured Themselves, And I'm Giggling As Hard As I'm Cringing
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community, "What's the dumbest way you've ever injured yourself?" and much to our delight (sorry), you all owned up to your goofiest accidental ouchies.
Please note that some of these stories contain descriptions that may be disturbing. If you're squeamish, proceed with caution!
1."I closed the trunk of my van onto my forehead. It was the side edge, not the back, so it caused a wound going from my hairline to above one eyebrow. The weird thing is that it didn't hurt. I was mostly annoyed and concerned about getting my 24-pack of Diet Pepsi into the fridge (a very high priority) along with all the other groceries, and keeping the blood off my favorite dress! The dress survived, and so did I. There's an interesting four-inch vertical scar on my forehead now. I don't mind very much. It makes for a pretty funny story at my own expense!"
2."I was throwing a small watermelon up and down. I missed, and it landed on my head and gave me a mild concussion."
3."I was singing 'Part of Your World' at a Disney karaoke night. I was doing little 'princess hops' while singing and snapped my ACL. I fell to the ground and finished that song as a mermaid on the floor, then asked, over the mic, for the bar to get me a bag of ice. I am a bartender at a neighboring bar and still get teased for it three years later."
4."I tried to parkour over my old wooden fence after placing a worm on my sister's arm while gardening, and she chased me around the backyard with said worm. I got a nasty gash, and it bruised a lot. This was recent; we’re both in our early 20s…"
5."I had just mopped and waxed the floor. While waiting for my mum to come home, I decided to try the Tom Cruise slide. When I did, I didn't stop and slid into a corner doorpost and busted my lip wide open. My mum was not too happy about taking me to the emergency room after working all day."
6."My friend and I were working out together. He made me laugh, and I fell off a treadmill. He made a really funny joke, so I forgave him."
7."I was renting a basement 'mother-in-law' unit from my mom. One morning, after visiting with her for a bit, I opened the door to go downstairs, not realizing she'd set my 9x13 Pyrex dish she'd borrowed on the top step. It was dark in the stairwell, and my first step went right into the dish, which immediately began moving. I attempted to step over the dish with my left foot, but the dish kept on moving, and I rode the dang thing to the bottom — all while sitting on my crumpled ankle, which was wedged into the dish. Needless to say, I was in an air boot for the next eight weeks."
8."I pulled a beef skewer straight from a fondue pot and put it into my mouth. I shoved the whole piece of beef into my mouth and wrapped my lips around the searing hot metal skewer! I lost several layers of skin on my tongue and the roof of my mouth, and my lips bubbled and blistered! Because of the swelling, I couldn't talk for the rest of the day. Because of the pain, I couldn't eat solid food for the next two days, and because my taste buds were all singed off, I couldn't taste anything for about a week. This was over 20 years ago, and I haven't had fondue since."
9."I fell off a stool and pulled a muscle in my butt during art class."
10."A week before my first day of high school as a freshman, I went ice skating for the first time with friends. I was being silly and trying to do tricks too soon. I ended up falling awkwardly on my butt. Long story short, I went into my first day of high school with a broken ass."
11."I was using a VR headset, and the border wasn't working in the game. I was also outside, barefoot. So I ran into a wall and quite literally went head over heels. I broke my foot."
12."I didn’t know I had a cut on my toe. I cleaned the litter box and got dirty litter IN my foot. I had no idea I got litter in my foot. My toe swelled up. I got sick as hell. Antibiotics didn’t help. I ended up in the hospital with MRSA. A podiatrist finally numbed my foot and dug around it because they could see on the MRI that something was in there. Once the litter was removed, the antibiotics did their thing and kicked the infection away. TL;DR: Always wear shoes when cleaning a litter box."
13."I dislocated my knee while kicking a balloon. I was indoors 'playing' soccer with no ball. My knee gave out when I kicked it. I was a gifted athlete at the time, too."
14."I poked a hornet nest way up in the eaves of the second story with a long extension pole from a swimming pool cleaning kit to see if they'd know it was me, way down on the ground. They did, and as I ran around the corner of the house trying to escape the angry insects, I tripped in my clogs and jammed my toes so hard into the wood part that I thought I might have broken one. They all were bruised and purple. I didn't ever tell my parents."
15."I stood on a beach ball and fell into a coffee table."
16."I tried switching glasses in a revolving door and assumed when it stopped, I could walk on outside. I hit the glass Ray-Bans-first and cracked my nose, but my sunglasses were fine. Fortunately, I was at the VA hospital, where I got a cold pack for my nose and a referral to the ENT for my deviated septum."
17."I once did a handstand in my childhood living room and tipped over into the big old stereo system. My sister almost peed herself."
18."I accidentally ran myself over with my husband's truck. I thought I'd put it in park and got out to adjust the floor mat that was on top of the accelerator pedal. I tried shoving it underneath the pedal and gassed it hard in reverse. It took me with it in the crook of the door about 25 feet. I got a bad concussion and was bruised and bleeding from head to toe. Don't recommend."
19."I once saw a spider in the bathroom on the floor by the door. The doors in this apartment happened to be set a little high, so there was a good two-inch gap between the floor and the door. So I went to step on the spider, and my foot slipped, and my toenail caught on the door and ripped right off. Not my best day."
20."I stood on a barstool to pull a nail out of the wall, and the seat turned. I fell and cracked my forehead open and needed four stitches! Oh, and two years ago, I thought it would be smart to go down some steps with rollerskates on. I fell and ended up with 10 stitches in my knee!"
21."I was maybe 12 and going to build a fort in the yard using our porch furniture with my sister. I grabbed one of the chairs off the porch, miscalculated where the porch railing was, and smacked into it with the chair, sending me backward onto a metal ladder we had lying on the porch. The ladder ripped right through my jeans and pierced me in the thigh. I ended up in the ER getting stitches, and the nurse kept trying to clarify the story. 'Did you fall OFF a ladder?' to which I tearfully kept replying, 'No, I fell ON one!'"
22."I sprained my finger taking a load of laundry downstairs to the laundry room at my old house. I had a cat that liked to lay on the steps, but I didn't know she was there until I felt her with my foot while going down the steps. I tried stepping around her and instead fell the rest of the way down. The middle finger on my left hand got caught in the laundry basket in the process, which twisted it really well. To this day, my middle knuckle is crooked on that finger. Oh, my cat did 'check on me' at the bottom of the steps and then just walked away."
23."I fell backward onto gravel while wearing stilettos because the guy I was dating answered his door with his pet tarantula on his chest. I broke my toe."
24."I couldn't find my fork (yes, I only had one fork) and refused to use my roommates' silverware (I didn't know them and wouldn't use a meat eater's utensils anyway), so I was using a knife to poke holes into a potato for the microwave. I sliced right through the top of the potato and ended up with four stitches in my finger. It was the only time I've ever needed stitches. Sigh."
25."I was giving my kitten medicine at the bottom of my stairs, and I had to go up the stairs to grab something. My kitten was still sitting on the stairs, so I went to step around him, and my foot slipped. I was almost at the bottom, so I only fell three stairs. When I got to the landing, I ended up smashing my shoulder into the wall that separates the stairs from the other room and breaking some of the drywall."
—falloutpanicatthemychemicalboy
26."I was cleaning the house a few days before Christmas and squatted down quickly to pick up a dead poinsettia leaf. I tore my upper calf muscle in doing so. I had just started a new job, and my insurance did not start until January 1. I just dealt with it for 10 days, but it got so swollen that my entire knee joint locked up, and I couldn't bend it anymore. I finally saw a doctor on January 3 and ended up on crutches for a month, followed by a month of physical therapy to 'unlock' my knee. Poinsettias are now banned from my house!"
27."I ran straight into a sliding glass door when I was 7 and broke my nose."
28."I sliced my finger open on a disco ball. Don't think I've ever bled more in my life."
29."I did a high kick as a joke and didn't realize my body had shifted forward in the process, so when I brought my leg down, it smacked into the hardwood coffee table. I had a big bruise and was limping for a day."
30."I was riding my horse and saw some long vines hanging down from some trees. I stupidly thought it would be fun to ride through them. They turned out to be thorny vines, so they sliced up and down my arms pretty well (I still have the scars 30+ years later). The next day, my mom wrote a note to my gym teacher that said: 'Please excuse Luna from class today. She was attacked by a killer bush.' I was in sixth grade and have never been so embarrassed. My mom and dad thought it was funny, but I did not."
31."I couldn't figure out how to get the used capsule out of a Nespresso machine, so I jammed my hand into it to pull it out. After about 20 minutes, one full-on panic attack, and a shredded-up hand later, I managed to wrench my hand out. Then, I found the accessible compartment for used capsules."
32."I injured my knee playing foosball."
33."My washer and dryer are tucked under the basement stairs. THREE TIMES I have given myself a mild concussion by reaching in to toss something into the back of the dryer and then standing up and cracking my head on the stairs."
34."I was riding my bike through my neighborhood, and some of my new neighbors had gotten a puppy. The puppy was out front as I was riding past, and I was looking at it because it was really cute. I turned back to look where I was going, as I was inches away from a mailbox. I didn't have time to turn, so I rammed into the mailbox and fell. It still tilts a little to the side. Worth it because I got to pet the puppy."
35."I was working at a chain pizza joint and went outside on break to see my boyfriend, who brought me some food. There were cops there investigating something that occurred in the parking lot, and I was nosey and looking at them instead of where I was going. Boom, I stepped into a big pothole and crumbled to the ground. The cops and my boyfriend had to help me into the car because I broke my ankle. My coworkers didn't even come out to check on me, so I rode through the drive-thru to let them know I was leaving! They wrote me up for calling out the next day despite being a minimum-wage job that required you to be on your feet."
36."I walked into a stop sign. I was walking to school with a friend. We were talking, so my head was turned toward him. When I turn it back around to look straight ahead, boom!! I smacked my face right into a stop sign. I had a pretty decent black eye for a little bit."
37."I sat on the edge of my bed to blow dry my hair before high school and broke my tailbone. I don't know if it was exacerbated by horseback riding (nonstop since age 4), a weird positional thing, or both. I heard a wet crack sound, felt intense pain, got the X-rays, and had to sit on a blow-up donut-shaped pillow in class for weeks."
38."I was trying to shower quickly to meet up with some friends. I was vigorously and quickly washing my face, and my pinkie finger went up my nose, cut into the membrane inside, and gave me a horrible nosebleed."
39."In no particular order: 1. Broke my collarbone falling off a pile of pillows. 2. Split my lip catching a softball with my face. 3. Had to wear an eye patch for two weeks after my sister accidentally stabbed me in the eye with a tree branch on the 4th of July. 4. Sliced my toe open while changing the bed sheets. 5. Sliced my finger open while pitting an avocado."
40."I did a cartwheel straight into the TV in my living room and broke my ankle."
41."I broke my big toe running from a friend…who was chasing me with a wet sock. It was my 13th birthday party. Seven years later, my toe is permanently crooked."
42."I was playing 'The Floor is Lava' by myself when I was 12. I stepped onto an old ottoman, and the cushion slid a little. Then, the bottom slid the other way and tilted. I landed on the heater and broke my pinkie finger under the pressure. I told my parents it happened at the playdate I attended later that day. I suffered for a few hours before finally saying something and going to the ER."
43.And: "I was bartending and decided to grab the ice bucket and fill my ice wells. Instead of putting the ice bucket back the way I was supposed to, I left it on the floor behind the bar. I tripped over it and broke my elbow. Luckily, it was the end of my shift. Also, luckily, workman's comp is a no-fault system, so I could use it even though the accident was completely my fault."
What's the most absurd way you've ever accidentally injured yourself? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
