Reddit user u/herissonberserk took to the Am I The A**hole sub-reddit to question whether she was in the wrong here, revealing her future sister-in-law, the bride-to-be, was requesting far too much of her in the lead up to her wedding.
They explained that their brother and future sister-in-law were meant to be getting married at the end of June, but were unable to because of the coronavirus pandemic.
"Long before that, he had requested from me, as a wedding gift, to sew the wedding dress of my SIL: I am by no means a [professional] but I can do simple stuff rather nicely. I already sew stuff for my family and friends as gifts regularly, little outfits for the kids or cosplays, easy stuff that can be worn even if there are a few defects on it," they wrote.
"They had planned on a no frill wedding with close family and friends only, and my SIL had her eyes on a flowing, layered grecian tunic style dress: rather easy to do and not too expensive as far as materials needed so I agreed."
They continued, "But with the lockdown, well, things got complicated (lockdown started here in March, so we were unable to get the fittings down...) and pretty soon they realised the wedding would have to be postponed.
"My SIL LOST it. Really. Crying and screaming and everything, nothing we could do or say could calm her down, until my brother asked her what she wanted to do instead and she said she wanted now a big wedding as a compensation. I mean, well, ok, I get her frustration, I really do. But the main reason they were having a small wedding was to save on some bucks to renovate the house and such. But that's none of my business, I know."
They revealed that their brother relented and the pair is now planning a huge wedding for 2021.
"SIL sent me her new requirements. She wants a full skirt, silk, bodiced, lined, embroidered, train-ed, the whole princess gig, dress. That, of course, I would still pay for in full for the materials.
"I told her I didn't feel I could do it. That it was too complicated for my skills. She went ballistic. Said I was lying, that I had done complicated things before, and that it was just 'nothing more than a couple more stitches'."
They added, "I have been trying to explain to my brother (because she doesn't want to speak to me anymore, as I am conspiring to ruin her wedding) that I do not feel able to do it. His solution is that I buy the wedding dress she wants, or I wouldn't be invited to the wedding.
"So I said ok. I said I wouldn't go, because I couldn't do what they asked me. I can't sew that dress, and I certainly can not pay for what she wants.
I'm now the heartless big sis who doesn't approve of her lil bro wedding/wife, and honestly I just want to tell them all to go stitch their too big mouths closed!"
Commenters call bride-to-be ‘disgusting’
The comment section quickly filled up with support for the poster, with one user writing, "I work in the wedding business and alterations for a wedding dress cost 400-500 bucks because it’s such a complicated process.
"That’s not even making a wedding dress, that’s just things like hems and bustles and such. I can’t even imagine making a full wedding dress from scratch. If you look at any designer when they post stuff of their process to social media they discuss how many hours it takes to make a dress and these are professionals with many people on staff.
"Definitely NTA [not the a**hole]. Also the wedding dress she wants is going to be expensive so she can pay for it herself."
Another user agreed, "They also don't understand contract law. The oral agreement to make a particular dress is no longer binding once one party alters the contract without the agreement of the other party.
"Vilifying OP over this is disgusting. I get that they are having to adapt to a new situation and it's stressful, but they are behaving like spoiled brats."
Someone else shared that they had been in a similar predicament, "NTA. If she doesn't believe you, tell her to go to a professional seamstress and ask for quotes for the two styles of dress. The amount of fabric, time, structure, and skill are vastly different.
"I [sewed] when I was in HS my (then future) aunt asked me if I could sew her wedding dress. I explained to her what all that would entail, why I couldn't afford to do that and why I didn't have the time and she understood, because that's what rational people do."
Another added, "I think she absolutely knows that it would be difficult and time-consuming and is purposely acting up so OP pays for the dress she wants... entitlement at its finest."
Others also commented, saying that the poster's brother was also very much in the wrong.
One user said, "Absolutely NTA. I have been sewing for over 40 years and I know that what she is demanding is beyond my skills. She now wants embroidery and beadwork? That's a completely different skill and would probably take more time than making the original dress entirely.
"You agreed to do something based on what you were able to do, the fact that she changed what she wanted isn't your fault (and she still expects you to buy the materials?!?!?) Your SIL and brother are not only AH, but they're bullies as well. They're the ones who changed the deal, not you.
"SIL is an entitled brat and your brother is a enabling jerk. Tell them they can bully whomever they've roped into finding the test of their circus into buying the dress. And, I'd suggest distancing yourself from such leeches. Go make yourself something pretty."