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A bride has taken to Reddit's Am I The A**hole subreddit to question whether she is in the wrong after allowing her best friend to get engaged at her wedding, but not her cousin, saying it's "still a family argument".
She explained that she got engaged in February 2020 and in July her best friend's boyfriend approached her asking if he could propose at her wedding.
"They've been dating for five years, and I've been best friends with my best friend for 15 years, so when he asked if he could propose at my wedding, I was really happy to share the joy with this amazing girl," she explained.
"We came up with a plan, he was incredibly respectful and told me that if at anytime I decided I didn't want the proposal to happen at my wedding, he'd accept it. I told him it was no problem and that I was so excited for both of us!"
Two months ago, she got married, due to Covid it was a pretty small affair and during the reception, she and her best friend's boyfriend went through with their plan.
"So, I'm tossing the bouquet and I spin around and hand it to her instead of throwing it, he kneels down, it was all very cute," she says.
"After this, we're celebrating, we're both excited, everything seems to be going off without a hitch. I was actually so happy because so far the wedding had been going perfectly. Twenty minutes later, my cousin's boyfriend goes up to the DJ (my little brother) and asks him for the mic.
"He takes it, asks my cousin to come up next to him, and I quickly realised what was going on. To be fully honest, I didn't want to share the day with my cousin. She's always been a bit of an attention hogger, and I knew she would make the day all about her."
She says she immediately walked up to her cousin's boyfriend and explained that she would appreciate if he wouldn't propose at her wedding.
"He gets incredibly upset, saying my friend got engaged, why shouldn't he be able to, etc, etc. My cousin and aunt also got incredibly pissed off at me, saying it's not fair that my friend got engaged and she can't, and are accusing me of being incredibly biased."
She added in the comments, "I don't think it was on the spot. He started talking and giving a speech before I butted in, and he's either an excellent improviser or it was planned. He also had a ring in his pocket, I'm not sure if he was planning to do it after the wedding, or was planning on doing it in the reception the whole time, which pisses me off so much more."
"OP's family is ignoring the fact that OP's best friend's BF (fiance) approached her in advance to ask for permission and allowed OP to figure out how to slot it into the reception in a respectful way," one user commented. "He didn't try to hijack the event!"
"Damn, did they think it was open mic night," another joked.
"NTA [not the a**hole]," someone else wrote. "Your best friend's boyfriend ASKED you if it was all right months before the wedding. Your attention hog cousin's bf tried his best to usurp your wedding AND the engagement of your best friend. Tell your cousin to go get bent and have a happy life away from you and the people who really care about you."
"I can't believe anyone would propose at someone else's wedding, but at least your best friend's bf asked and you planned it together," another said. "If your cousin and aunt can't understand the difference between something you ok'd ahead of time, and them barging in for something you did NOT approve, that's not your problem. They can be as mad as they want, it was your wedding and your choice."
"NTA at all," one user added. "Aside from the fact that your friend’s fiancé asked you in advance, he also included you. Doing it at your wedding was extra special because you were able to be a part of it by handing off the bouquet. It sounds like you’re especially generous and would have been okay with it even if that hadn’t been the case, but in terms of how to explain this to family, that’s a distinction the should understand.
"Best friend’s proposal kept you as a central part of the moment, even if it was also special for them; your cousin’s boyfriend was creating a distraction from your day and didn’t even include you enough to give you a heads up."
Some said it was strange enough that her best friend's boyfriend wanted to propose at her wedding, but the bride said they'd dreamed of having a joint wedding as children so she was "so excited to (sort of) make our seven-year-old fantasies come true".
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