Angie Kent is one of Australia’s favourite TV personalities, from the Gogglebox couch to The Bachelorette mansion she’s always got something to say. She's now here answering all your burning questions about your sex life.
Question: I really like someone I'm dating but the sex is crap - should I persevere and how do we improve?
I have so many questions! Like, how old are they? How bad are we talking? Are they a good learner? Are they willing to learn? With some of the questions answered, I feel my advice may differ. But since I can’t ask any of my four million questions I am going to just pretend in a perfect world that this person is willing to learn and this will make both your lives easier (wishful thinking perhaps).
Look, in an ideal world, you and your partner are compatible both physically and emotionally. But sometimes life isn’t always peachy. However, don’t give up hope... I think good sex can be taught! How is that you ask? Communication and willingness!
If you are both willing there is usually something that can be done. And if one of you isn't, your relationship probably has bigger problems than sex. Because communication is key in a relationship full stop. Sex isn’t the be-all and end-all but it is bloody important. It’s not just sex, it is a way to connect with someone. If you get along outside the bedroom (assuming so), then surely you can use that chemistry to make magic in the bedroom.
I like that you said how do WE improve because it does take two to tango. I cannot stress enough how important communication is. Why don’t you start by talking about what you both enjoy if you don’t want to go straight in there and say something isn’t working? Or if you feel you can just come straight out and say it... what’s stopping you?
Even talking about what you like can be a turn-on and might spice things up a little. There’s also plenty of material out there - heaps of books, podcasts, audiobooks, and meditations. Try listening to tantra meditations on Insight Timer! Or good old fashion porn. Watching some together might give you some ideas about how you want your sex to be. Amateur of course, because some of the content you see on your porn site of choice is HIGHLY edited and dramatised for your (mostly men) viewing pleasure... and sex isn’t meant to look sexy and perfect all the time. Let’s be real.
Devote a solid month or so to rediscovering (or discovering) your sexual relationship and trying new things. Intercourse doesn’t have to be the main meal. Enjoy the entrée... I find the entrée is generally the best anyway. IYKYK.
Don’t get to the point where it so so bad that there is no way you can talk about it. Experts do say that if you talk about what is going on and be honest then you can generally get to the root of the problem and then there will be no problem in the root. Oooh, I’m going to leave it at that. That was a solid out.
Happy rooting x
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