Angie Kent is one of Australia’s favourite TV personalities, from the Gogglebox couch to The Bachelorette mansion she’s always got something to say. She's now here answering all your burning questions about your sex life.
Question: How do I break up with my partner without making them hate me?
Breaking up can be brutal. Whether you are the breaker uperer or being broken up with, both hurt and depending on what type of human you are, one feels more daunting than the other.
For me, I get severe anxiety about letting people down or breaking their hearts as I feel others' pain so deeply. However, when I have been broken up with I go into this whole 'what is wrong with me' mode. Thinking about it gives me an anxious rash.
Having your heart broken can be debilitating. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and your thoughts run like wildfire. It’s like the person is dead but they’re still alive, living their life without you. Then time kicks in and heals all and then you feel a little spewy that you even cared that much that you lost sleep over that s**t.
Ah, matters of the heart. It’s a fun little game, isn’t it?
'I see it in the movies all the time'
Breaking up with someone can be hardcore. Especially if they aren’t expecting it and are fully invested and you no longer are. I think that is why ghosting has become so popular. We spend so much of our relationship via a screen it somehow has made more sense to be able to ghost or send a breakup text.
I don’t recommend this at all, but I get why it is the easy and popular option. I think we have become desensitised to life thanks to social media and cellular devices but this doesn’t make it right. You must remember at one point in this relationship you loved this person, or you at least really liked them. So you do owe them a face-to-face breakup.
If they hate you after you have spoken your truth then that is their choice. You can’t control how anyone responds to you, just how you handle situations and how you respond. The rest is out of your control.
Don’t drag it out. Be as kind as possible and if you’re that petrified of hurting them or how they’re going to respond then maybe it’s a good thing you aren’t going to be with that person anymore. If they can’t regulate their emotions or respect your boundaries then that could lead to red flag moments in the future anyway.
Or if you’re worried because they’re a sweet angel and you don’t know why you’re really breaking up with them, and it is mostly just because you’re over it, then use that whole ‘It’s not you, it's me’. I see it in the movies all the time and it seems to work. Cheap shot but at least they don’t have to spend the next month or so wigging out about where it all went wrong. But then again, doing that is also a bit of a cop-out and kind of does rob someone of closure.
Look, there’s no real good way of breaking up with someone. It’s yucky and uncomfortable but at the end of the day, you letting them go is better for them in the long run because you’re setting them free to find someone who actually wants to be with them. They deserve to be loved and you deserve to be in love.
Remember that you have been broken up with, or you will be broken up with, and handle their hearts the way you would want yours to be handled. The world is pretty mediocre the majority of the time so where you can find moments to be kind to yourself and others, I reckon do it.
And don’t do it drunk. Liquid courage seems like a good idea but it is not. You’ll either end up saying something you regret or banging and then that’s just a whole other kettle of fish and a separate topic for another day.
Good luck heartbreaker (jokes, you got this x)
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