Angie Kent is one of Australia’s favourite TV personalities, from the Gogglebox couch to The Bachelorette mansion she’s always got something to say. She's now here answering all your burning questions about your sex life.
Question: I had sex with my partner's friend before we started dating, should I tell them?
Ok, we’re back and it is now officially 2023. New Year, new problems! Yippee, lettuce waste no time cuties! Here we go....
As always I feel I need the back story to these questions I receive, but since I cannot get my hands on this I am still going to put the questions out to the universe just in case any of them may help anyone else with a similar situation.
Initially, I read this question and was like ... who cares? Not in a nasty way, as in, who cares if you slept with your now partner's friend before they were your partner.
He/she/they were not your partner before this (I am hoping/assuming) and everyone has a past so what is the big deal? Sex is sex and it is fun (consensual goes without saying). For me, I don’t know why people get stroppy when people have had sex with someone they know before they were together ... It’s 2023?
I feel we've probably all somehow banged someone who knows someone etc. I do however have a sneaky feeling there is more to this little question than meets the eye...
So let me question you this ... Were you talking to your now partner whilst you were sexing their friend? Are they best friends, this changes things a little bit. Are they going to lose all of their minds over the fact that you had sex with one of their friends before you were even together and never let it go? Because, if they are going to hold onto s**t that happened before you were with them, then maybe ask yourself if you want to be with someone who doesn’t understand that we all have a past, and allow yourself to get into a relationship with someone you have to tiptoe around or feel extreme guilt around because of their own work they have to do on themselves and are projecting it onto you? That ain’t it.
I have been there and done that and trust me, it is exhausting and you end up with a large therapy bill and then a much better life without them, and they end up doing zero work on themselves and dating yet another woman who they have love bombed into a false sense of security and without doubt end up in their future sin bin, while they go off and hunt for their next victim. It is a tale as old as time, my friend.
However ... you don’t want your now partner to be left in the dark feeling like a classic fool. So as much as it shouldn’t matter, I think you should just tell them.
Or merely ask yourself this ... would you want to know if you were in their shoes? Don’t play games. If you like games then perhaps join a netball or soccer team or download a bunch of good apps on your phone. Excessive gaming can lead to poor emotional regulation. Poor emotional regulation leads to mood problems aka anxiety and we’ve got enough to worry about sweet angels. Ain’t nobody got time for extra anxiety. Not up in here. Not in 2023.
So to sum it up – who cares, everyone has a past! You should both just have a good healthy chat about it and move on and have some sex instead of worrying about something that no longer even exists ... or eat some chippies. That always works for me.
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