Yahoo Lifestyle People Who Didn’t Receive Positive Reinforcement as Children Often Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
Everyone’s childhood is different, and the way someone is raised can have a huge impact on how they turn out. Some kids grow up with a ton of positive reinforcement—praise, encouragement and lots of love—and it helps them feel confident and secure as they grow up. But unfortunately, not every child gets that, and for those who don’t, it can have a bigger impact than you might think. When positive reinforcement is missing from someone’s life, it can stick with them well into adulthood, influencing how they see themselves and interact with others.
This isn’t just something that happens in real life—it’s also a theme that plays out in the lives of many popular fictional characters, like Bridgerton’s Simon Basset, AKA the Duke of Hastings. The lack of positive reinforcement he received during his childhood left him feeling unworthy as an adult, struggling to trust others and finding it hard to be in a relationship until he put in the work to heal, showing how the absence of support and affection growing up can affect a person as they get older.
To find out what some of the most popular traits are that people can develop due to not receiving positive reinforcement during childhood, we reached out to psychologists Dr. Adolph “Doc" Brown, Dr. Kiki Ramsey, Dr. Patricia Dixon and Caitlin Slavens. Together, they do a deep dive into the topic to help explain just how significant that role is to have.
Related: People Who Were Told They Were 'Too Sensitive' as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
14 Common Traits of People Who Didn’t Receive Positive Reinforcement in Childhood, According to Psychologists
1. Difficulty Expressing Emotions
“A lack of early emotional nurturing by not receiving positive reinforcement can hinder one’s ability to understand and convey feelings, resulting in challenges with emotional expression and communication,” states Dr. Ramsey.
Related: 7 Signs You Were Raised by Emotionally Immature Parents, According to a Psychologist
2. Difficulty in Decision-Making
“Adults who lacked encouragement in childhood may struggle with decision-making,” Dr. Dixon says. “Without positive feedback to validate their choices, they often doubt their judgment, leading to indecisiveness and avoidance.”
3. Imposter Syndrome
“People who often didn’t receive positive reinforcement as children, doubt their abilities and achievements as adults, leading to the belief that they are frauds despite evidence of the contrary,” Dr. Brown says.
Related: People Who Felt Lonely as Children Usually Develop These 13 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
4. Perfectionism
“In an attempt to earn the affection they missed as children, some adults strive for perfection, believing that flawless achievements will secure the validation they lacked,” Dr. Ramsey points out.
Dr. Slavens notes, “If a person had no encouragement from their parents when they were a child, they might have learned to inextricably link their self-worth to what is accomplished, seeking to achieve perfection to feel ‘good enough.’ This is not only exhausting, but can often leave one feeling empty.”
5. Resistance to Commitment
“A childhood without positive reinforcement can lead to an unwillingness to commit in adulthood,” Dr. Dixon explains. “Fear of making the wrong choice—stemming from deep-seated self-doubt—often manifests as a hesitance to engage in long-term commitments, both personally and professionally.”
6. Chronic Anxiety
“Without support growing up, the world as an adult can feel chaotic,” Dr. Slavens says. “This can leave a person perpetually fearful or hypervigilant as an adult.”
Related: People Who Felt Constantly Criticized as Children Usually Develop These 13 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
7. Fear of Failure
“As adults, those who never experienced positive reinforcement as children fear failure and as a result they tend to avoid opportunities and challenges due to fear of not ‘measuring up’ or meeting expectations,” Dr. Brown points out. “This is all correlated to the lack of support and encouragement they received as children.”
Dr. Dixon adds, “This fear can lead them to avoid risks, as they may be reluctant to face the potential lack of acknowledgment for their efforts.”
8. People-Pleasing Behaviors
“The unmet need for affection as a child can lead individuals as adults to prioritize others’ needs over their own, constantly seeking approval to fill the void left by early emotional neglect,” Dr. Ramsey discloses.
9. Overly Critical Inner Voice
“People are more likely to internalize criticism when they are grown up if they didn’t receive positive reinforcement during childhood,” Dr. Slavens tells Parade. “That voice follows a person, making it challenging for them to quiet the perpetual self-doubt and judgment.”
Related: People Who Were Rarely Complimented as Children Often Develop These 10 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
10. Lack of Trust
“Someone who grows up without positive reinforcement as a child is likely to experience the most difficulties in developing meaningful relationships,” Dr. Brown informs Parade. “Trust is an integral component of a healthy relationship, and the development of these behaviors most often occurs within a parent-child relationship through positive reinforcement. Without positive reinforcement, healthy bonding can be jeopardized in adulthood.”
11. Difficulty Setting Boundaries
“Without early models of healthy affection and respect, individuals may struggle as adults to establish and maintain personal boundaries,” Dr. Ramsey says. “This often leads to feelings of being overwhelmed or getting taken advantage of in situations.”
12. Low Self-Esteem
“The fundamentals of positive reinforcement increase self-esteem and build confidence. However, in the absence of positive reinforcement including verbal positive feedback, praise, encouragement, and support, children are likely to grow up without having much of it,” Dr. Brown reveals.
Dr. Dixon agrees, saying, “Without positive reinforcement, individuals may struggle to recognize their own worth. The absence of acknowledgment for their achievements can foster a belief that they are not deserving of success, contributing to diminished self-esteem.”
13. Fear of Rejection
“A childhood devoid of affection can instill a deep-seated fear of rejection, causing adults to avoid situations where they might be dismissed or undervalued,” Dr. Ramsey says.
14. Challenges with Intimacy
“The absence of early affectionate bonds can make it difficult for adults to form and maintain intimate relationships, as they may struggle with vulnerability,” Dr. Ramsey explains.
3 Ways To Work on Yourself if You Lacked Positive Reinforcement in Childhood
1. Practice Positive Self-Talk
“If you didn’t receive positive reinforcement as a child, begin practicing positive self-talk,” Dr. Dixon suggests. “Daily affirmations can help cultivate self-esteem and confidence. By consciously affirming your worth and capabilities, you can counteract negative internal narratives and foster a more positive self-image.”
“It’s important to celebrate small wins before recognizing others,” Dr. Slavens adds. “You have to start recognizing yourself. Even praising yourself by saying something like, ‘I completed that email!’ rewires your brain to seek validation from within rather than outside.”
2. Build Affirming Relationships
“Surrounding yourself with supportive, positive people as an adult can provide the encouragement and reinforcement you lacked as a child,” Dr. Ramsey explains. “Healthy relationships with friends, mentors, or loved ones can model the affirmation and validation you need, helping you feel valued and fostering a sense of belonging.”
Dr. Slavens agrees, stating, “Deep connections with people in adulthood who care about you can help heal the scars you’ve accumulated from childhood.”
3. Try Therapy
“Engaging in therapy provides an opportunity to explore your personal qualities and gain insight into your strengths,” Dr. Dixon advises. “A therapist can help you build intrinsic motivation, enabling you to validate yourself even when external validation is lacking. Additionally, therapy can assist in unpacking how the absence of positive reinforcement in childhood has shaped your self-perception and influenced your interactions with the world.”
Related: People Who Were 'Overly Neglected' in Childhood Often Display These 10 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
How To Heal
According to Dr. Brown, those who are looking for ways to heal, can. It just takes a little work.
“I traditionally help my clients heal from these challenges by starting my three C’s strategy of 'Challenging' the evidence to maintain these traits, 'Confronting' the emotions, and 'Calmly' releasing those emotions,” he tells Parade. “This is accomplished by utilizing two of the most humbling activities that any human can commit to…self-reflection and self-correction.”
He goes on to say that self-reflection has tremendous transformative power, allowing people to dive deep into their emotions, beliefs, and experiences.
“Self-reflection can occur through journaling, coaching or with the guidance of a mental health professional,” he suggests.
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Expert Sources
Dr. Adolph “Doc" Brown, clinical psychologist
Dr. Kiki Ramsey, positive psychologist and executive coach
Dr. Patricia Dixon, psychologist
Caitlin Slavens, registered psychologist, parenting and postpartum expert of "Mama Psychologists"
