Yahoo Lifestyle 45 Shocking Family Secrets People Learned That Their Entire Family Refuses To Discuss
Recently, we wrote about secrets that people's families refuse to discuss, and the BuzzFeed Community had their own submissions. Here's what they had to get off their chests — along with some more from the original Reddit thread.
NOTE: There are mentions of murder, sexual abuse and assault (including child sexual abuse), domestic violence, suicide, and infant death in this post.
1."Right before my uncle died, we found out he had been having an affair for a decade and had another life and even another house. We were clueless. But his girlfriend knew about all of us and knew all of our names and details of OUR lives and tried to talk to us at the funeral and even had the guts to try to SIT FRONT ROW WITH THE FAMILY at his graveside. We all came home from that funeral and never talked about it again. Pictures gone. His kids didn't even mention his name again. It's been 20 years, and it's like he never existed."
2."One night when I was 16 or so, I was laying on the couch in the living room while my parents, aunt, and her husband were getting drunk on the pontoon boat parked on the pier. Eventually, my aunt came in, and she was pretty drunk. She sat down on the end of the couch and thought I was sleeping. She said, 'Your mom killed my baby Tony. Pushed him out the window. I'll never forgive her for that.'"
"A few days later, I asked if my aunt had a son before my cousin. Turns out, it was after. My mom was 16 and left home to help with the kids in Chicago. Apparently, my aunt was dating a mob guy who was married and abusing my aunt. My mom's solution was to get rid of the kid so that my aunt could be safe. As long as the baby was alive, this guy would be in her life.
My cousin didn't even know she had a brother until she was in her thirties. They got rid of all his pictures and things, and he was just erased from their lives. The Chicago police ruled it an accident. My mom said she walked in, and he was pushing against the screen and fell out. The idea that a 6-month-old toddler was both tall and strong enough to push a screen out of a 4th-floor apartment window seems ridiculous to me, but she got away with it. My aunt told me what really happened and, to be honest, I'm not a bit surprised. That woman is a monster."
—Anonymous
3."Growing up, my brother and I were always told that my dad's dad died before my dad was born and that his mom died of an aneurysm when he was 17. Cut to when I was 20 — my mom told me that my grandpa was alive and living about two hours away. My grandma had an affair with him and got pregnant. When she refused to have an abortion, he swore he would never acknowledge my dad and never did. Fuck you, Marvin!"
"Then I was on the phone with my mom last year, and she casually told me that my grandma actually died by suicide. My dad was at Fort Bragg during Vietnam. An uncle called him up, asking about the funeral. That's how he found out his mom died."
4."I started taking care of my grandfather about eight months before his death, and I never left his side. He was never the real squishy, loving type and kept quiet about his emotions. Over the years, he calmed down and opened up more. Over the course of his being sick and going in and out of hospitals, he started telling me different things about family members we didn't talk to and so on. He had fought in Vietnam, and he told me that he found out he had a half-Vietnamese daughter who he didn't meet until she was grown and had moved to the States. I don't know her name, and I only have a general area of where she may live. None of the family acts like they know anything about it."
—Anonymous
5."When my SIL got pregnant, she was on the outs with her husband and had been in an affair. She knew the baby wasn't her husband's, but she slept with him as soon as she found out to cover her tracks. Fortunately, my nephew is the spitting image of his mother. EVERYONE in the family knows her ex-husband is not the father except my nephew, who is now an adult. I keep wondering who is going to let the cat out of the bag."
—Anonymous
6."My Ma's big on genealogy and family trees, and she decided years back that she was going to try to map my Dad's side of the family. Grandpa's side was easy since we had Ellis Island records, and he still had family back in Poland. Grandma's side was more difficult, so she decided to sit Grandma down one Easter after dinner and get whatever information she could. Grandma was extremely vague about her grandfather and claimed she didn't know much about how many kids/wives he'd had since they never really talked about that kind of thing. Ma kept pushing, and finally, Grandma burst into tears and shouted, 'I DON'T KNOW! HE KEPT WOMEN IN HIS SHED, AND DADDY LEFT AS SOON AS HE COULD! I DON'T KNOW! WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT MAN; HE'S ROTTING IN HELL!'"
"We still don't know what to do with that information since it was the mid-1800s, and there aren't any records from that part of Pennsylvania due to everyone being farmers who kept to themselves."
7."I found out just last year that my brother and I have different moms. I guess the story was my dad was dating two women at once. He had a child with the 'side piece,' which was my brother. I always wondered why he looked nothing like my mother, who raised him as her own. And he, of course, didn't inherit my mom's side of the family's health conditions. I sure did. And that leads to the next big one I found out. The health conditions."
"We were at the doctor: my mom, dad, and I. The doctor came back with the results of bloodwork because I was having some really bad health issues. They said I had sickle cell anemia. My parents looked at each other, and both denied it with every bit of their being. Even I knew what that bloodwork suggested about my heritage. Flash forward many years. My long-time best friend had a security and background check company. They did heritage tracing as well. Well, it turns out my grandma was of full-blooded African descent. So were my great-grandparents. They hid it. My mom hid it with every bit of her being. She's half-African. So, my official number is 22.6% African."
8."We know my great uncle was in the FBI, but no one's heard from him in well over 10 years. The older generation thinks he had to go into witness protection, and the younger think he is gay and knew/assumed his siblings would not accept, so he just took off. I don't think anyone filed a missing person's report, which also makes me wonder if they knew he was gay and, being them, were just okay with him disappearing."
9."My late great-grandfather sexually abused some of my dad's cousins when they were kids, and my late great-grandmother knew the whole time. We went to their house often when I was little, and my parents were very diligent in keeping my sister and me from being alone with him."
"Not to mention my mom's uncle, who was in the Navy at the time, getting drunk, getting into a fight, and falling off a boat and drowning. His parents (my other great-grandparents) never got an autopsy, but there was head trauma visible on him."
10."My great-uncle went to prison, and his sisters literally refused to tell us why, but I think it's because of sexual abuse. I also have an uncle who molested a teenage boy, who then turned around and molested an eight-year-old girl. And everybody acts like this didn't even happen. And it pisses me off. Plus, they wanted my other uncle to move on from my cousin drunkenly trying to shoot my uncle last Thanksgiving. I can't wait to move out so I can go no contact with these people. My mother, who is a Christian, gets mad at me when I say I don't believe in forgiveness, but fuck that!!"
11."My late Dad, who was the eldest of my MeMaw's seven children, didn't have the same father as the other six children. I didn't know this until eleven years after he died. I knew that my grandma on that side of the family had been fourteen when she married the man we were told growing up was our Grandfather. But I didn't know that it was actually her second marriage. She had met and eloped with a boy who was just a year or two older than she was. Neither Memaw's parents nor the boy's parents had been particularly pleased about the marriage, and they demanded that it be annulled. It was — only for my grandma to find out afterward that she was pregnant with my Dad. That's why she ended up marrying a man who was seven years older than she was. I regret not ever asking my Memaw about my biological paternal Grandfather when she was still alive. I don't even know if he's dead now or if he's still alive."
—Anonymous
12."My step-uncle sexually abused my two sisters and me when we were children. My younger sister had it the worst, and it lasted for the most years. She told a family member when she was young, and they buried it and told people that she was a liar. As adults, realizing that we all three had these experiences, we came forward together and told our family what we went through (hoping other family members would stop leaving him alone with their kids). Our family disowned us, threw a huge birthday party for the uncle, and said we all just want attention."
"It kind of sucked because that was the only family I knew growing up, but honestly, as a parent now myself, I wouldn't want them near my children, knowing they would protect a predator over a child. And my children are freaking amazing and worth knowing, so…their loss."
13."That my mom is actually my stepmom. I learned of it from a cousin when I was very young. Back then, I used to think your birth mom was more 'important.' Now, it's completely the opposite. My parents didn't tell me until like a decade after I already knew."
14."I have a relative who served time for sexually abusing a child. His stepdaughter. Nobody believes he did it, but we don't talk about it. We also don't talk about how his ex-wife beat me and my sister. Probably her kids, too, but I know for a fact she beat us. We don't talk about the history of mental health issues in the family. We don't talk about the split that happened way back before even my mom was born, which caused part of the family to change the way they spelled their last name. Basically, we don't talk about bad things involving family members."
"However, I will say my mom is starting to change that and has told me some things about what my father was like when they were together and even right after they separated. I've been asking practically my whole life, and she's finally answering."
15."My cousin was hit by a train while out riding his motorcycle in the '90s. He survived but was in the hospital for several months, recovering and going through physical therapy. It wasn't until 20 years later (when I was finally old enough to be in on family secrets) that I found out he was actually beaten within an inch of his life by the local 'tough boys' because he was gay."
"Being gay in the area where he lived was not acceptable, and he had recently started dating a man. Not out in the open but privately. Someone caught wind of it and spread it like wildfire, and these boys took it upon themselves to 'beat the gay out of him' (their words from the court transcript). They were given a couple of months probation, with the excuse that boys would be boys, preventing a harsher punishment. Shortly after my cousin recovered, the entire family moved north and relocated to a more tolerant area. My cousin never dated again."
16."My grandmother was born outside of marriage way back in 1905 when it was a massive drama. Her father, from a well-to-do family, had been sent to the colonies as he'd impregnated a number of village girls and carried on that behavior in the Pacific. My maternal aunt slept with her brother-in-law, which was a major scandal and led to a divorce way back before it was normal. My own mother had a child outside of wedlock who was adopted by her sister and grew up as my cousin. She then waited for my father to get divorced and out of jail before marrying him. I could go on and on and on...but they all pretend to be 'good people' and like nothing more than to pick at other's foibles. I've been no contact for a long time now; it's so peaceful."
17."My aunt on my dad's side that no one talked about. She was the eldest daughter of my grandparents. From what I was told, she was 'bitten by a mosquito as a child' and became severely cognitively impaired. They put her in a care facility, and I think only once did they ever visit her because my mom offered to take them. She actually died shortly after my grandparents did. This still gets to me. I won't judge my grandparents, but I don't think I could ever do this."
18."My grandmother sadly had to enter a TB sanitarium when she still had a handful of children at home. A couple of older siblings moved back home to help raise them. Eventually, my grandfather started seeing another (married) woman in their small rural community. (My mother always said that once her mom learned of the affair, 'she just gave up' and died at the sanitarium. This was about three years before the advent of antibiotics that might have cured her.)"
"The Other Woman had a baby that was putatively her (still) husband's child. I don't remember if her husband died or they divorced, but by the time I came along, my grandfather was married to the Other Woman and had been for decades.
Anyway, this side of the family was fun, gregarious, beer-drinking, Catholic church-attending poker players. Once, during a pretty lubricated family get-together, the Affair Baby, now a grown woman, said something like: 'I just don't know where I belong in this family' (because supposedly she was no blood kin to any of us). My lovely Drunk Uncle Nick said: 'Well hell, you're our SISTER!' I was about 12. I swear the windows rattled from the seismic release of emotions over what was finally acknowledged."
19."I have an older sister I have never met. My dad got a girl pregnant in high school and refused to marry her. She gave the baby up for adoption. It was a closed adoption in the '60s, so I would not even know where to look for her. I found out one night years ago when my dad had too much to drink and told me. Both of my parents are now deceased. They would never talk to me about it after that one time."
20."My great aunt. She and my grandma (her sister) hate each other so much that I didn't even know she existed until I was 30, and I was accidentally shown a picture with her in it. I still don't know why they stopped talking, and my grandma is obviously not willing to talk about it at all. The funny thing is, I know my great aunt's children. They're really close to my grandma and come to every holiday dinner. I always knew they were related to me; I just never knew how."
21."My uncle died by suicide to escape the hatred of the family. He was gay, and their 'Christian' values said to treat him like absolute garbage because of it. After he passed, my grandmother tried to destroy all of his things; they were/are apparently possessed by demons."
"I was allowed to know him, though. He was still blood, after all. I loved him so much. Now, the only memories of him that I have are of playing Legos and Solitaire in the computer room. I have a few of his things that no one will ever get their hands on. I'll just be over here, hanging with my demonic spoon rest."
22."My mom's drinking. I used to think it was me when I was younger, and it was hard, but now, as an adult, I know it's her. I thought maybe becoming a grandmother would have made her change because I told her I didn't feel comfortable with her holding my baby when she had been drinking. She just stopped holding her. She has been a heavy daily drinker for 30 years, passes out every day, but I guess is what you would call functional, so in her eyes, she is ok."
23."My father was a child sex abuser. He was probably abused by the church as a child and continued the cycle of abuse. I remember being about 10, and his nephew, who was well into his thirties at the time, used to rent a room in our house. One night, he got really drunk and tried to break into our room, drunk and rambling about what my dad had done to him. My mom helped him jump out of the window, and he came back the next day like nothing happened."
"Then last year, I found out my 14-15 year old friend in high school used to offer herself to my dad for $20, and he would rape her. I won't say it was consensual because she was a child. I know there had to be more, but I don't think I could find out more. He died last year, and I spent the last year of his life ignoring him because I couldn't reconcile all of it in my head. It was a lot. It sucks to find out so much about a person you once loved and looked up to, have them die without any closure, then beat yourself up about the whole thing when it was them who should have apologized."
24."My uncle removed himself from this world when I was four. He simply does not exist in the memories of my father and his other brother. If anyone else mentions his name, they glide by it like you never said it. When I was working on my family tree, I actually had to post on Reddit for help finding his death date because both of them claimed not to remember even what year he died."
25."The fact that I have two half-sisters. My dad cheated on my mom. My mom knows about one of the girls, not the other. Ancestry DNA for the win. No one says a word because we don't want mom to have to relive that trauma."
26."My father's first name is Bruno. My mother kicked him out of the house when I was 11, and my little brother was 6. We never talk about him because it upsets her too much, but we love to sing Disney songs. I let you imagine how she reacted when we began to sing 'We Don't Talk About Bruno' every day for weeks."
27."My older brother should be in prison for child sexual abuse, but his actions are the thing that we don't talk about, even with me being one of his victims. He did it to our cousins, too, when they were little, but I didn't find out about it until we were all much older. I don't even want to think about how many other kids he abused."
28."That my biological grandmother died by suicide when my mom was only 16. I knew my step-grandmother was my step-grandmother my whole life, and I knew my mom's mother had died long before I was born. It wasn't until I was 10 or 11 that my mom finally told me how her mother died. That's the only time we've really talked about her death. I know that she was a pretty good mom, all things considered, and my mom thought she would have been a good grandmother to me if she hadn't had severe depression when she was in her forties. We never really bring her up at family gatherings. We don't really talk about my mom and my aunt's childhoods. It's really sad because my step-grandmother was abusive as hell towards me, and she is the reason why my mom didn't get to see her dad much after I was born."
29."When I was a teen in the '60s, no one in my family was allowed to talk about Aunt Rita because she preferred the company of other women. I thought that she was a strong, vibrant, happy woman who never had a bad thing to say about anyone and didn't care what anyone had to say about her. She was friggin awesome."
30."My mom's first marriage. she has never told me about it, and the one time I asked, she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. But my dad told me about it when I was in my early 20s, and I eventually confirmed with my grandfather ten years later. Also, around that time, I was doing a free trial on ancestry and found the marriage certificate and the wedding announcement in the newspaper."
"My mom got married right out of high school, and they were divorced within a year. She just wanted to get out of her folks' house, and I don't blame her for that because her mother was a narcissistic piece of work. She was horrible to my mom; not physically abusive, but mentally abusive as hell. She did it to me, too, but my mom made sure I didn't believe a word Grandma said. Anyway, she met my dad right after the divorce, and they got hitched, had some kids, and divorced 15 years later."
31."This one cousin in the family. I don't know her too well (we never met). I just knew she and my mom hung out a lot as kids. She was the talk of the family a few years ago, but now no one mentions her. She came out as a trans woman and began her transition. She mistakenly believed her family and friends would support her. They did not. She was immediately shit-talked across Facebook, unfriended, and blocked by many. She even got blocked from the family reunion page. She moved to a remote location shortly after, and no one ever speaks of her, except when someone is reminiscing about the past...in which they misgender and deadname her."
"I'm fairly certain I'm the only person in the entire family who actually calls her by the correct pronouns and name.
I feel awful about it and wish I could have done something for her. I was barely a teenager when all this happened, and I didn't know her very well. I wish she knew that she did have one person in the family who supported her."
32."Growing up, one of my uncles lived far, very far away, so I only saw him a handful of times. That said, he often came up in family conversations and stories. Then, when I was still in primary school, he got very sick and passed away. I was told he had died of skin cancer. His death was always brought up whenever my siblings and I didn't want to wear sunscreen. Fast forward quite a bit. I've finished uni and am working at my first real job. I'm casually chatting with an aunt, and she accidentally spills the real story. Turns out, my uncle was gay and died of complications from AIDS. To this day, those facts have never been spoken by anyone else in my family."
33."My half-brother told a teenager online that he was also a teenager, then showed up at their house to hang out. The teen realized my half-brother was a man in his thirties, so they called the cops. My brother was a teacher at the time but got fired, obviously. The case made the local newscast. His life since then hasn't been great (trouble finding employment and residences that aren't within so many feet of a school or other prohibited place). Nobody saw him much before the incident, and we see even less of him now."
34."When I was a little kid, my mom started telling me stories about how my grandma was a witch and made sacrifices with babies in front of her as a kid and other horrible ritualistic stuff. I always thought my mom was out of her mind, and the family agreed. I found out later through the grapevine that there was some weird stuff going on in the house when my mom and aunt were kids, and my aunt got sexually assaulted by some guy at one point. My aunt and everyone else gaslight about it to this day like nothing ever happened. I don't talk to any of them anymore because I feel like my mom's mental illness was precipitated by whatever happened when she was a kid, which affected my childhood."
Finally, we'll end with a few from the last post that got people talking.
35."My cousin was the antagonist in an episode of Maury for cheating on his fiancé at the time with like 20 women. One of my other cousins kept the video recording secretly and showed it to me. But it's been wiped from the internet and nowhere to be found now."
36."My biological maternal grandfather smothered my newborn uncle in retaliation for my grandmother sticking up for herself during his abusive tirades. He'd been abusive in every sense of the word towards my grandmother and their children, and for the most part, my grandmother just took it out of fear. One day, she got a bold streak and argued back at him. He stopped arguing, and my grandmother thought maybe he had just decided to leave it alone. Later that day he smothered their newborn son in his cradle, and told her if she ever talked back to him again, she'd be next. He led the authorities to believe it was crib death, and so it was ruled to be such."
"Thankfully, my grandmother escaped him sometime later. I didn't hear this story until I was an adult. I never met my maternal grandfather and I'm quite content with that. If I cared enough to know where he was buried, I'd go piss on it."
37."My mom had a brother who was a couple of years older than her. From what I've put together, he was autistic and was sent away for electric shock therapy sometime in the '50s/'60s, which eventually killed him. We have no idea when he died or where he is buried. My mother apparently found out when her parents casually mentioned it over dinner when she asked how he was doing."
"My grandfather (with whom I grew up) refused to speak about him. He would change the subject or leave the room if he was asked anything about him. The only evidence we have of his existence is a picture of him and my mother when they were children and some forms from the hospital he was in describing an episode where he was hitting and scratching the nurses. It's just really sad all around."
38."My mom was having an affair on my dad with my uncle. Her brother, not my dad's. Yup. Literally. Incest. She's cheated on him multiple times, but her own brother really took the cake. To this day, any time that dude comes around, he acts snarky — almost like it's amusing to him that I hate his guts."
39."My grandmother's husband was a predator that raped my underage cousin, which my grandmother was aware of, and made my cousin apologize to her husband for 'tempting him.' The predator remained in the family for another 20 years and was allowed to babysit us grandkids unsupervised multiple times. But we don't talk about that. It's over and done with. No point in bringing it up, right?"
40."We don't talk about how I was forced to marry my second cousin at 16. When I finally couldn't take it anymore, at 23, I called my mother, begging her, 'Please let me come home — he is gonna kill me.' He was actively beating me as we were on the phone, but all she could say was, 'Baby, I can't help you.' Then she hung up on me. Thankfully, I made it out alive, nearly a decade later, living a completely different life as a new wife and mother."
41."My mother slept with my brother-in-law while he was still married to my sister. It caused big-time family drama. It was awful. It tore our family apart, and we still have to juggle who we see and where with our entire family because my sister understandably won't be around our mom. It's been seven years, and it's still painful."
42."My aunt talked my cousin out of an abortion, and it fucked my cousin's life up. She lost the kid, ended up on all the drugs, and spent a while in jail. She's got her shit back on track at this point, but she was headed somewhere until that fucking meddling holy roller got involved. My family doesn't talk about it, but I sure do. Every time I see that aunt. She can fucking rot in hell, and I will never let her forget what she did to my cousin — we were thick as thieves. It's been thirty years, and my rage still burns white hot."
43."I'm getting a DNA test for my niece. My sister-in-law cheated on my brother. She had actually moved out, and my brother tried to kill himself. Fortunately, he was not successful. The timing of my niece being born coincides directly with the time my SIL stepped out. There are serious questions about whether my brother or SIL's side piece is the father. Somehow, they reconciled and went on to have another child a few years later. My son actually brought it up when my parents were in the room one time, and they shot it down immediately — so intensely that no one dares to bring it up again. My brother passed away 01/01/21. Many of the family do suspect that it is entirely possible that he is not father, but it doesn't matter; she will always be my niece."
44."The fact that my father is likely responsible for the disappearance of his first wife. I don't want to say much because it was a fairly public story, and the details would make it pretty easy to figure out who he is. I will say I was informed when I was 16 because her family was trying to reopen the case (she had been missing for at least 20 years at that point), so my parents wanted me to be aware in case I saw anything online. He is the only suspect. They couldn't arrest him because a body was never found, and all of the evidence was circumstantial. His father had connections and likely helped cover it up. We all 100% believe he was guilty, but he will take the truth to his grave."
45."We tend to shy away from the story of how my stepbrother ended up in a group home for those who would be a danger to themselves and others. My 40-year-old stepbrother is a massive POS. He has held three jobs his entire time on earth but has easily dropped well over five-digit sums on Natty ice and mini bottles. Mom would coddle him because he had 'nowhere else to go.' Well, shocker, he ends up having a seizure after snorting a 30-day supply of benzos in three days combined with two 36-packs of beer."
"When he got out, he couldn't walk all that well, but he had nothing physically wrong with him, so the nurses and PT folks coming by were all, 'Yeah, he can walk but for some reason refuses to.'
The reason is that once he was back on his feet, we'd start back in with 'Clean your room, take a shower more than once every three months, and get a fucking job."
My mom, bless her, decides, 'I'll just wait on him hand and foot like he's bedridden until he's ready to walk again.' She ends up having a stroke from the stress.
Fuckface BOLTED from his bedroom when we started yelling at her to stay conscious. As soon as the cops and EMS left, I pulled him aside and started beating him to the point my dad had to put me in a headlock and pull me off.
Mom came back home after a stay in the hospital, and now she can't (and thankfully won't) wait on him hand and foot or go pick him up beer because his ID is expired. We settle right back into 'Get a fucking job or get out. Mom will not save you this time.'
A week or so goes by. I'm playing a game in my room on my day off, and I hear these pained moans coming from his room. I hold my nose, open the door, and am greeted by the sight of him butt-ass naked, scissors in hand, and halfway through chopping his own cock off.
When I try to stop him, he takes a stab at me with the same scissors and comes close to catching me in the eye. So I was like, 'L,ol nah, you go ahead and finish up. Just gonna call the cops.' They showed remarkable restraint compared to how the LA Sheriffs usually behave and ended up pepper spraying him after he tossed the scissors and his own cock at the first two through the door.
He still tries to call me once or twice a year when they allow phone calls for holidays. I always answer, 'You dead yet? Damn. Always next year.'"
What's the secret or truth in your family that no one talks about? Let us know in the comments or via this anonymous form, and you could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community article.
Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.
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