'Didn't want to be alive': Meghan details frightening admission to Harry

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BLOG: Harry and Meghan’s Oprah tell-all: Here’s everything we learned

Meghan Markle has made a bombshell confession she was suicidal and "didn't want to be alive anymore", feeling she was being portrayed as a royal family villain.

Speaking to Oprah during an exclusive CBS interview, Meghan broke down in tears as she recalled a conversation she had with Prince Harry as she began to worry about her declining mental health.

Meghan Markle speaks to Oprah during an interview.
Meghan Markle says she had thoughts of suicide. Source: CBS

"I just didn't see a solution," she said.

"I would sit up at night, and I was just like, I don't understand how this is being churned out and again I wasn’t seeing it but it’s almost worse when you feel it through the expression of my mum or my friends or them calling me crying, just like, 'Meg, they’re not protecting you'.

"I was really ashamed to say it at the time, and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry because I know how much loss he suffered.

"But I knew that if I didn't say it that I would do it. And I just didn't want to be alive anymore."


Meghan said the state of her mental health was "frightening" and she went to 'the institution' and told them she had never felt that way before and needed to go somewhere for help.

"I was told that I couldn't, that it wouldn't be good for the institution," she said.

"The institution is never a person ... it's several people but I went to one of the most senior people to get help."

Meghan said she went to human resources saying she was concerned for her mental welfare, and while they admitted the media coverage of her was "disproportionately terrible", nothing was ever done.

When Oprah asked if she had thoughts of suicide Megan said she had and did not know who to turn to.

Oprah asked Meghan whether she thought about checking herself into a hospital, to which Meghan replied: "You can't just do that."

"I couldn't, you know, call an Uber."

The photo that continues to haunt Meghan

Meghan said she felt trapped, and following her conversation admitting her dark spiral to her husband, she had to attend an event at the Royal Albert Hall.

While pictures of the event show a happy royal couple, Meghan said nobody knew what was really happening behind closed doors.

Meghan Markle and Oprah speak during an interview. Source: CBS
Meghan Markle speaks to Oprah about her mental health battle. Source: CBS

"These are thoughts that I'm having in the middle of the night that are very clear, and I'm scared because this is very real," she said.

"But we had to go to this event and I remember [Harry] saying, 'I don't think you can go', and I said, 'I can't be left alone'."

Meghan said photos from the event continue to haunt her as you can see their knuckles white as they gripped each other and put on a happy face.

"We're both just trying to hold on," she said.

"It's so important for people to remember you have no idea what's going on for someone behind closed doors, you have no idea.

"Even the people that smile the biggest smiles and shine the brightest lights."

If you are concerned about the mental health of yourself or a loved one, seek support and information by calling Lifeline on 13 11 14, Mensline on 1300 789 978, or Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800.

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