Meghan shares tiny detail in photo that haunts her

Marni Dixit
·Lifestyle & Entertainment Producer
·4-min read

Meghan Markle made the heartbreaking admission to Oprah Winfrey that her mental health took a huge hit soon after joining the Royal Family, saying it was so bad, she considered taking her own life.

After talking to Prince Harry in 2019, the pair tried to get assistance from the Royal Family, with Meghan asking if she could get some help for her mental health.

However, she was refused.

Meghan and Harry attend the theatre
Meghan has shared that this photo of herself and Harry haunts her due to what was actually going on in the background. Photo: Getty

Harry explained during the interview, that the Royal Family has "the mentality, that this is how it is" and he was unable to get anyone to listen to what they were going through.


Meghan shared that there was one night in January 2019, where she and Harry attended an event at the Royal Albert Hall and prior to the event she had just told Harry that her mental health was seriously suffering.

"We had to go to an official event," she said. "A friend said, 'I know you don't look at pictures, by my god, you guys look so great.' And I zoomed in and what I saw was the truth of what that moment was."

Meghan and harry at the royal albert music hall in 2019
Meghan shared that when the lights went down she was crying, but as soon as the lights came up she had to pretend everything was OK. Photo: Getty

"We had to go to this event and I remember him saying, 'I don’t think you can go,' and I said, 'I can’t be left alone,'" she explained.

Oprah questioned if she meant that she couldn't be left alone because she was afraid of what she might do to herself and Meghan tearfully nodded.

She explained how that photo of the couple shows the stress of the situation, despite the smiles on their faces.

"And that picture. If you zoom in what I see is how tightly his knuckles are gripped around mine. You can see the whites of our knuckles because we are smiling and doing our job," she said.

Meghan 'faking' a smile at royal event
Meghan told Harry she didn't think she could be alone during that period of her life. Photo: Getty

"But we’re both just trying to hold on and every time that those lights went down in that royal box I was just weeping. And he was gripping my hand and then it was, 'Okay intermissions coming, lights are about come on. Everyone’s looking at us again.'

"You have to just be on again. And that’s, I think, it's so important for people to remember you’ve no idea what’s going on for someone behind closed doors. You’ve no idea."

"Even the people that smile the biggest smiles and shine the brightest lights."

Meghan opens up about her mental health

Meghan told Oprah how bad her mental health was at the time.

"I just didn't see a solution," she said.

"I would sit up at night, and I was just like, I don't understand how this is being churned out and again I wasn’t seeing it but it’s almost worse when you feel it through the expression of my mum or my friends or them calling me crying, just like, 'Meg, they’re not protecting you'.

"I was really ashamed to say it at the time, and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry because I know how much loss he suffered.

The first part of the interview will be Meghan one on one with Winfrey. (CBS)
Meghan shared that her mental health was hit very hard after joining the Royal Family. Photo: CBS

"But I knew that if I didn't say it that I would do it. And I just didn't want to be alive anymore."

Meghan said the state of her mental health was "frightening" and she went to the institution and told them she had never felt that way before and needed to go somewhere for help.

"I was told that I couldn't, that it wouldn't be good for the institution," she said.

"The institution is never a person ... it's several people but I went to one of the most senior people to get help."

Meghan said she went to human resources saying she was concerned for her mental welfare, and while they admitted the media coverage of her was "disproportionately terrible", nothing was ever done.

If you are concerned about the mental health of yourself or a loved one, seek support and information by calling Lifeline on 13 11 14, Mensline on 1300 789 978, or Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800.

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