Nicole Kidman Wakes Up 'Crying and Gasping' amid 'Loss of Parents'

The Oscar winner's father died in September 2014, while her mother died in September 2024

Nicole Kidman is continuing to cope with the loss of her parents.

In a new cover story interview with GQ published on Monday, Nov. 18, the Perfect Couple actress, 57, shared how she’s been doing since the death of her mother, Janelle Ann Kidman, in September.

Related: Nicole Kidman Thanks Fans for the 'Love and Kindness' Her Family Has Received Since Her Mom's Death

Her father, Dr. Antony Kidman, died in September 2014 after falling while visiting her sister, Antonia, in Singapore.

"So life is, whew. It's definitely a journey. And it hits you as you get older," Nicole told the outlet, adding that "it's a wake up at 3 a.m. crying and gasping kind of thing."

She continued, "If you're in it and not numbing yourself to it. And I'm in it. Fully in it.”

The Academy Award winner said that her feelings surrounding life and death are "even more so" present now that she’s raising her teens — daughters Sunday, 16, and Faith, 13 — with husband Keith Urban.

Related: How Nicole Kidman's 'Devastating' Experience of Seeing Her Father's Dead Body Informed Her Performance in Expats

"Mortality. Connection. Life coming and hitting you," Nicole told GQ. "And loss of parents and raising children and marriage and all of the things that go into making you a fully sentient human. I'm in all of those places."

Nicole received news of her mother’s death ahead of a Venice Film Festival appearance for her upcoming movie Babygirl.

At the time, the film’s director, Halina Reijn, read a letter on Nicole’s behalf during what would have been the star's acceptance speech for best actress for her role in Babygirl — Nicole stated that she traveled to Venice, only to learn "shortly after that my beautiful, brave mother, Janelle Ann Kidman, has just passed."

Speaking to Vanity Fair for a Nov. 13 article, the Big Little Lies actress remembered her late mother as her guiding light.

"She was my compass in a way," Nicole told the publication. "It’s like losing that, but at the same time going, 'Okay, well, this is for her then.' So much of what she wanted for my sister and I was to create women in this world who felt like they could express themselves and have opportunities, especially things she didn’t have from her generation."

Unfortunately, her mother died before she could see Nicole’s latest work.

“I wish she could have seen this part of it. She was very excited to see Babygirl, and she was excited to see Perfect Couple too, but she didn’t get to see either of those,” Nicole said.

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At the Los Angeles premiere of Lioness season 2 on Oct. 23, she told The Hollywood Reporter she was “hanging in there” after her mother’s death.

“I wish my mama was here,” Nicole said. “That’d be the one thing I’d say. Everything is great with work but I wish my mama was here.”