The Five Guys She Might Leave You For

Sure, you're happy and secure in your relationship but there could be a potential suitor for your partner hiding in her everyday life. Image by Thinkstock.

By Sarah Jacobsson Purewal

Jealousy is never attractive in a relationship, but sometimes you can’t help it. Sure, she says that brunch with her coworker is purely platonic, but that’s what they all say—right before they elope in Thailand and leave you in the dust.

“Guys who are already in her life have an unfair advantage that they can—and sometimes do—leverage to steal her away from you,” says April Masini, a relationship expert for AskApril.com. “They’ve managed to enter the no-fly zone right under your nose.” Are you right to be suspicious, or are you overreacting? Here are five guys in her life to keep your eye on, just in case.

MORE: What she wishes you knew

1. Her Best Guy Friend
Can men and women be "just friends?" Well, sort of. In a 2012 study from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, researchers polled platonic pairs and found that guys were more likely to be attracted to—and willing to date—their female buddies. (Women were fine staying in the friend zone.)

The good news: The closeness of their relationship could be what keeps them from getting together sexually, according to psychologist Dr Tracy Thomas. No woman wants to date her therapist, or the one guy who knows all of her un-sexy secrets and problems, Thomas explains.

Intercept him: Invite yourself along when the two of them hang out. Not only will you be able to gauge just how friendly their relationship actually is, but if he sees that you’re a present, caring boyfriend, he’ll be less likely to try to strike when she’s in a vulnerable mood.

WARNING: Toughing it out in the work trenches may bring the work husband and your partner closer. Image by Thinkstock.

2. Her Work Husband
You don't see her lunch-and-gossip buddy as a threat, because he's on her level, and probably can't offer her as much as you can. But think again: her work husband is actually more of a threat than her boss, precisely because he shares her position, according to psychotherapist Dr Vinita Mehta.

The logic: Nothing encourages survival-esque bonding like a crappy work situation, such as a tyrannical boss or an impossible project. “It’s like war and being in a foxhole together,” Mehta explains. “They’re in the trenches together, and this can cause them to bond in ways they normally wouldn’t.”

Intercept him: You don’t have to join her company to bond with her. Instead, take a class together. Cooking is the traditional choice, but you can get creative and try speed-reading or Bikram yoga. “Research shows that doing new, novel things brings couples closer together,” Mehta says.

3. Your Best Friend
Luckily, your best friend is still the least-threatening person on this list because, well, he’s on your side. (At least he should be.) But just because he’s a saint doesn’t mean he’s not a threat. According to Masini, he can seem like an attractive option because he's a lot like you, probably a lot like her, and he appears pristine because she doesn't know every intimate detail like she does about you.

"If she knew your best friend like you do - for example, if she lived with him—she probably wouldn't be so quick to feel attracted," Masini explains. "But as long as she only knows him at a distance, there may be an attraction there." Plus, she probably sees your best bud as safe, which allows her to be more flirtatious and open than she would be if she weren't dating you.

Intercept him: If you’re always talking up your buddy, you could end up being a facilitator for their relationship, Masini warns. You don’t have to trash him—and you shouldn’t—but just make sure she hears the funny stories about the stupid stuff he does along with the tales of his awesomeness.

4. Her Personal Trainer
Keep tabs on him for a couple of reasons: he's in great shape, and he recognises that she’s in great shape and is making an effort to keep it up. “Men and women leave relationships when someone else makes them feel great about themselves,” Masini explains. “If her trainer is making her feel like her body is the bomb, watch out.”

Of course, this wisdom applies to other situations as well, especially if other guys are swooping in and making her feel fantastic about parts of her life that you ignore. “If her best friend makes her feel like she’s the one woman in the world he would do anything for, or if the pool boy makes her laugh and forget her problems, you’ve got trouble,” Masini says.

Intercept him: Always give her a positive comment when she gets back from the gym, and make an effort to notice if she’s making an effort. All she really wants is to feel like you’re not taking her for granted.

5. Her Boss
Not all women go for authority figures, but some do. You can thank evolution for her weakness toward older, worldly guys, Mehta says. Women are primed to seek out men with power, status, and resources. “It could be her boss, mentor, or even professor,” says Mehta. “Even if women are the more ‘evolved,’ there may still be a vulnerability to men who seem omnipotent.”

Intercept him: It’s actually not that hard to fend off men with power, status, and resources, Mehta says. “Show her your creative, worldly side,” he suggests. “Take her to museums, wine tastings, and other cultural events that show her you can be sophisticated.” And you don’t have to fall into a trust fund to one-up a guy with “resources.” (Read: money.) Instead, try taking her camping and showing off your outdoor survival skills.

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