MAFS: Back off Ben, not all women want to have kids

Especially not with you, writes Lollie Barr.

Man, MAFS got my goat tonight during the values task portion of Confessions Week when insufferable mansplainer Ben Walters talked about people, i.e., women, settling for any old dude when it comes to having kids. "There's a man with all his teeth. He's got a job - that'll do! They settle."

Of course, his bride Ellie Dix was triggered, as she already explained to Mel (Schilling) that she wouldn't have kids with just anyone before Ben later explained condescendingly on her behalf. "She just wants to be a mum - it's very common - kids are very important to females."

Females? Okaaaaay, someone's been hanging out in the manosphere, but thanks, Ben, for the generalisation about how women supposedly feel about catching a case of the babies! Not even cute little furry goat babies, mind you, but real-life human beings that become the epicentre of your world for the rest of your lifetime.

Ben and Elli talking in a living room.
Ben and Ellie's tense exchange on MAFS tonight. Source: Channel Nine

Whose future happiness is extrinsically linked to yours because, as a mum, you're destined only ever to be as happy as your unhappiest child. Who drain you emotionally, financially and mentally, but who you love unwaveringly for eternity because they're your progeny, no matter what they do.

I actively chose not to have children

Having or not having kids is incredibly complex, Ben. However, you're not, so let's go there. I know this because I made the decision myself when I actively chose not to have children. I'm hesitant to write that because the last time I did, a woman sent me a direct message and told me she hoped I would die in a fire (brutal) because I'm so selfish. While a man commented that I'd ended up in life's cul de sac because I hadn't passed my genes on. On a planet of 8.1 billion people, I'm sure the Earth will still turn without my genes.

Ben and Ellie on MAFS.
Ben and Ellie on their wedding day. Photo: Channel Nine

Unlike a growing number of women, who are staunchly child-free by choice, I assumed having kids would happen eventually. However, when the right partner didn't eventuate, I seriously considered having a child with a super close gay friend who lived in Berlin. Bless him, he even went as far as to buy a turkey baster (which he still has, and we laugh when he brings it out to fulfil its true destiny of basting a turkey at Christmas).


I decided I wanted a different life. Thankfully, I live in an age where being a Lady No Kids (LNK) is a perfectly acceptable life choice. Owning the "child-free" label is now empowering instead of embarrassing. It's also a decision that comes with amazing and sometimes not-so-amazing consequences. But isn't that just life whether you decide to become a parent or not?

Yet, Ben even had the sheer audacity to suggest that his MAFS wife Ellie was so desperate for kids that she would be willing to have a kid with whomever and then brushed her off as being "very sensitive", aka a hysterical woman when she tries to affirm how she actually feels.

Don't assume Ellie wants your man juice, Ben!

Dude, seriously, Ellie doesn't want your man juice if you're not the right guy for her because that means she would be tied to you for life! For real, this time. Ellie is 32 years old, obviously bright and caring (she's a registered nurse). She's got a great family, a banging body, fabulously good hair, and a winning smile, so ultimately, the choice will be hers as to who fathers her offspring.

Yet poor, hardly old Ellie, even this early in the experiment, has already been given the "White Picket Fence" edit. An idealistic and naive narrative arc that leaves her at risk of being portrayed as desperate and therefore, devoid of a wider, more exciting storyline. In MAFS world, she'll always be the baby-obsessed woman who was dumped three months before her wedding by her fiancé, who we also learned had quickly impregnated his new partner.


Now Ellie’s only hope for babies is the Machiavellian MAFS matchmakers. Yet, despite this season allegedly being about finding true love, instead of pairing her up with a guy on the same page, they pair her with a fame-hungry man-child tour guide at the other end of the library in the travel section.

Ben's MAFS bio spells out his intentions: Living the life of a tour guide, it's been easy for Ben to walk away from relationships when they get complicated, and he's yet to stumble across "the one". He's incredibly picky, and he hates "vanilla" despite coming across as bland as cottage cheese. We're told he admits to sometimes having unrealistic expectations and a fear of settling.

He is hardly Father of the Year material, but Ben doesn't have to worry too much. Biology has most likely blessed him with the ability to father children until his skin suit's knapsacks shrivel to grapes. Look at Robert DeNiro fathering a daughter last April at 80! But the audacity to think gorgeous Ellie would stick with him for his sticky stuff makes me feel ill. She's better than that, and hopefully, she knows it.

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