How do you know if your new partner has feelings for their ex?

Anna Swoboda is a Certified Dating and Relationship Coach as well as a Matchmaker whose mission is to help people who have been out of dating for a while to feel confident and skilled to jump back in and find a fabulous new partner.

Question: How do I know if my new partner still has feelings for their ex?

If there are no kids involved, and your partner spends regular ‘friend’ time in person or online with their ex, then that’s a possible red flag. It’s unusual. It could mean they are not fully over them.

If there are kids involved, a good working relationship with the ex is very good for the kids and for your sanity. Don’t be jealous of that. Encourage it.

Relationship and divorce expert Anna Swoboda
A relationship expert reveals how to navigate dating someone going through divorce and whether they may have feelings for their ex. Photo: Supplied

But how do you know if it’s more than that, and they still have feelings?

An important element here is how did their relationship end? Who ended it and why? Did your partner end it? Were there real areas of incompatibility?

If so, you are mostly on safe ground. Then the most important sign is how does your partner talk about their ex? Is it balanced, or are they too positive? Do they blame themselves for the breakup?


My advice is don’t overreact. It’s rare that divorced couples get back together, but use your intuition, and if you feel uncomfortable, talk to a friend or a counsellor and get an outside perspective. Then if you are still concerned, discuss it with your partner.

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