Gillian Flynn and James Patterson Brainstorm a Kids Book — Complete with Farting Ninjas

The bestselling authors appeared on NPR's 'How To Do Everything' comedy show to help a caller write a children's story

Eric Charbonneau/Getty; Jamie McCarthy/Getty Gillian Flynn and James Patterson.

Eric Charbonneau/Getty; Jamie McCarthy/Getty

Gillian Flynn and James Patterson.

Gillian Flynn and James Patterson are combining their literary skills to help one children's book author end their perfect story.

On Wednesday, Dec. 11, the Gone Girl author, 53, and the Along Came a Spider author, 77, stopped by NPR to appear on their comedy podcast, How To Do Everything.

During the episode, the pair gave the show's hosts Mike Danforth and Ian Chillag (of Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me) a hand by helping a caller help finishing his children's book about an umbrella so that he can present the story to his wife for Christmas.

As the caller describes in a short synopsis, his story follows an umbrella named Bella who loves the rain, while her family hates it. He's previously turned to his young sons for help with the story, but their idea of a meaningful ending includes zombies and robots and farts. So, the thriller authors got right to work drafting an ending to the book.

Paul Zimmerman/BAFTA/Shutterstock; Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic Gillian Flynn and James Patterson.

Paul Zimmerman/BAFTA/Shutterstock; Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic

Gillian Flynn and James Patterson.

Related: 'Gone Girl' 10 Years Later: Author Gillian Flynn Says She'd Be 'Surprised If I Didn't' Write a Sequel

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In typical Flynn thriller fashion, the author posited that umbrellas "are like women in erotic thrillers."

"They’re both beautiful and scary at the same time," she tells hosts Danforth and Chillag, adding that Bella is almost being "kept prisoner."

"Here's this family resisting and actually rejecting who she is innately. I mean that's a horrifying thing. That you are trapped with people who really dislike who you are inherently, as an umbrella," she says before clarifying her unique pronunciation. "Im from Kansas City," she adds. "I say 'UM-brella.'"

The Sharp Objects author then suggests that Bella should stop at nothing to get outside in the rain.

"Does Bella start getting a little angry? She’s got that pointy end that most umbrellas do. I mean I don’t want to end with something too dark," Flynn adds. "But she could really hold them by umbrella-point and, you know, force them to take her outside."

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Patterson, meanwhile, suggests going back to the caller's sons ideas, even if "he wasn’t keen on it." He also suggests a new title with the kids' ideas in mind: "It’s called Bella and the Farting Ninjas."

"Bella is on a boat from Japan. She's with her person, and she calls her person her 'holdme.' And they meet the farting ninjas on board," Patterson says, proposing a more fleshed-out version of the story.

"Bella thinks they are vulgar, uncivilized, juvenile and stinky, of course. Much later, she’s very lonely in New York, she’s being kept in an umbrella stand more than she’d like to," he continues. "And one day her 'holdme' pulls her out of the stand. And outside, a New York cop has turned on the fire hydrant in the street. What’s this? The farting ninjas are dancing in the hydrant spray. It looks like stinky fun. Bella and her 'holdme' join them. Bella dances with the farting ninjas."

Related: Bill Clinton and James Patterson Announce New Thriller The First Gentleman: ‘We Really Take the Gloves Off'

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"Maybe they become briefly 'holdmes' for her," he finishes. "Life is good. But stinky."

Taking a page from his own books — like his bestselling Alex Cross series — Patterson also suggests that Bella the umbrella could be appear in many sequels, including stories where she protects her "holdmes" from the sun, blizzards and tsunamis, and another in which she gets passed down from one "holdme" to the next.

"You know, I have this prolific or prodigious imagination or whatever the heck it is I call this sickness," Patterson jokes.

The bestseller also took a moment to discuss some of his most famous co-authored works, including his books with Bill Clinton, Viola Davis and Dolly Parton.

"I just do all the work and they take credit on the cover," he jokes, to laughs from Danforth and Chillag. "No, it's different with each person."

Listen to How To Do Everything on NPR.

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