The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (May 18-24)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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many things are embarrassing but watching the ig story of a random acquaintance 52 seconds after it was posted is among the worst
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) May 20, 2024
went to dinner with my family and my dad asked the waitress if she knew what kind of wood the table was?? she said “no” and he was like “is there someone who would know”
— sophia (@pastoralcomical) May 23, 2024
"I'm in the trenches" *opens laptop in air conditioned cafe*
— Ana Mostarac (@anammostarac) May 23, 2024
Sure, I can be a “go with the flow” person!! I just need to know what direction the flow is going & how warm the flow is & whether the flow is forceful enough to cause floods & if the flow is saltwater/freshwater & maybe you actually just let me handle everything forever?
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) May 19, 2024
do you think fish are proud that they're in such iconic company with cheese, fear, and war as the only things you can monger
— katie (@focusfronting) May 20, 2024
Happy 3 year anniversary to the time that I was standing in front of the castle in Magic Kingdom and I got the call from my gyno that I had chlamydia and had to go pick up my meds from the DISNEY PHARMACY and my mom called it the “clappiest place on earth”
— maybe: clare (@clur19) May 18, 2024
Me, after a Greys Anatomy depression binge: https://t.co/hFF49udUAZ
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) May 22, 2024
I don’t know why Apple is charging me 7.99 , 3.99 and 10.99 and I will never know. frankly that is none of my business
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 23, 2024
My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 20, 2024
“you need to live in the moment!!!!” ok well this is a phone moment
— chase (@_chase_____) May 21, 2024
Remembering when I was waiting tables at an airport Marriott & a bunch of business men asked me where they could find a little fun & my naive 20 yo self told them there was a pioneer recreation village the next town over
— Nicole Trauma Llama APRN, CNS (@TraumaSoapBoxes) May 22, 2024
My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some cold hard truths about myself
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 20, 2024
I love when my phone says “SOS” in the corner. I think it’s funny that’s it’s like “hey man idk what to tell u. there’s no service and also I am scared”
— ellie schnitt! (@holy_schnitt) May 23, 2024
doctor asked me when my last pap smear was and i had to pull out my phone and google “ray liotta death” because i knew it was on the same day
— 🦫 ᔕᗩᖇᗩᕼ 🦫 (@rodentsheriff) May 22, 2024
requesting PTO at work is so embarrassing. "hi boss permission to enjoy my life for 3 days?"
— trash jones (@jzux) May 20, 2024
Me: I'll do it at 6
Time: 6:05
Me: wow looks like I gotta wait till 7 now pic.twitter.com/Jsi1GQ7C2U— Jenni (@hashjenni) May 18, 2024
my friend: i really need your advice
me, ordering several things online i can’t afford while eating a block of cheese: yes ofc you’ve come to the right person— kim (@KimmyMonte) May 19, 2024
I’ll never forget when I was cuddling with a guy and his heart was beating super weird. I joked and said, “I hope you not nervous, your heart beating fast.” He replied, “No, I have a heart murmur.” We sat in silence the rest of the night. 😂
— nneka. (@_KissAndBlush) May 21, 2024
chips and salsa is a food with no calories, if that makes sense…. it’s like celery
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) May 22, 2024
my husband once called it a “coff of cuppy.” every day for the rest of his life i will ask him if he wants a coff of cuppy. https://t.co/54rOfglQD4
— erin chack (@ErinChack) May 19, 2024
Remember when we used to dedicate an entire album on Facebook to a night out? It would be called like “We’re on a boaat muthafuckas” and it would just be 32 blurry images of people you vaguely knew doing Jägerbombs. We really didn’t give a fuck back then, did we
— Alice Etches (@aliceetches) May 19, 2024
I can’t remember what i wore on my 24th birthday so im gonna ask this girl whos a little jealous of me. she’ll know
— helena (@freshhel) May 19, 2024
Returning packages is amazing because it's like, wow. Look at all this money I just made. I am a provider.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) May 19, 2024
Being a lawyer is so funny because someone will have their dog off the leash at a park, barreling towards my dog, and jog screaming "oh, he's friendly" and I'll scream back "And you have strict and total liability if he isn't" and suddenly they turn into Usain Bolt
— 🏃♀️⚖️ (@CanPanicNow) May 20, 2024
Had a new experience tonight: on hour one of a six-hour flight, I got up to use the bathroom and when I came back the guy beside me was wearing my sweatshirt
— Sarah Edwards (@eddy_sarah) May 21, 2024
Stuff the woman sitting in front of me has googled in class today:
Henry Cavill
Clam chowder
New England clam chowder
Where is New England
Old England
Henry Cavill— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) May 21, 2024
I never say never. Unless someone asks me when I want to go camping. Then the answer will always be “Never”.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 21, 2024
One time at a party this girl and I realized we were wearing the exact same jeans, but mine were a little too big for me and hers were a little too small for her. So we went to the bathroom and traded. Both fit perfectly. Very professional, we didn’t speak the rest of the night
— 🌥️sydney (@mornings0da) May 19, 2024
“do you know where you parked your car?” no. but i know love. and friendship.
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) May 22, 2024
i like that my friends are a couple months older than me so they can test out being 26 & let me know if it’s something i would be interested in
— isabella (@scarykneegirl) May 22, 2024
might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 21, 2024
when you try on clothes without your makeup and hair being done pic.twitter.com/shyyYzby2k
— Jenni (@hashjenni) May 23, 2024
You turn 25 and suddenly everyone is running half marathons or going to Europe or they already have 4 kids and an ex husband
— gail (@yungmtngoat) May 23, 2024
I love a class action lawsuit. someone thought red bull would actually give you wings and now I get $10? thank you for your service
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) May 23, 2024
i joined the nextdoor app for my neighborhood and so many posts are like “trafficking alert!!!! a middle aged woman approached me in the home depot parking lot to ‘ask me for directions’, i ran to my car and locked the doors” lmao society is so cooked bro
— laura lux 🦖🪐 (@darthlux) May 22, 2024
Mom just revealed to me on the phone that her dogs’ veterinarian’s name is literally Dr Slaughter. Doctor. Slaughter. Do something else girly I’m so sorry
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) May 23, 2024
I love deleting tweets. I stand by nothing I have ever said
— Jessica (@BadPostsLLC) May 21, 2024