Ellen DeGeneres says she went to therapy amid toxic workplace scandal in final comedy special

Ellen DeGeneres is opening up about the fallout from her toxic workplace scandal in what she claims will be the final comedy special of her career.

The comedian, 66, released her latest special "Ellen DeGeneres: For Your Approval" Tuesday on Netflix, in which she announces to viewers early on, "I got kicked out of show business because I'm mean. Yeah, you can't be mean and be in show business." She later describes this as the "second time I've been kicked out of show business," referring to backlash she faced after coming out as gay in the 1990s.

"Eventually, they're going to kick me out a third time for being old," she quips. "Mean, old and gay. The triple crown."

In 2020, DeGeneres faced claims that her daytime talk show was a toxic workplace, with BuzzFeed News citing current and former employees who alleged racism, fear and intimidation while working on the show. Addressing the claims that year, the comedian said she "learned that things happened here that never should have happened" and apologized "to the people who were affected." She ended her talk show in 2022.

In "For Your Approval," DeGeneres reveals she went to therapy to "deal with all the hatred" amid the scandal. "It was not a common situation for a therapist to deal with," she tells the audience. "At one point, my therapist said, 'Ellen, where do you get this idea that everyone hates you?' I said, 'Well, New York Times, Washington Post, Entertainment Weekly, Us Weekly — I think Elmo may have said something recently on an episode of 'Sesame Street.'"

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DeGeneres reflects on the feeling that everywhere she goes, "everyone's heard that I'm mean," joking that people are on edge when she goes to a restaurant, "waiting to see if I'll be mean."

After she recalls reading a headline declaring that she is the "most hated person in America," she quips, "It's a horrible thing to say about somebody, and to make it worse, there was no trophy, no awards banquet. Nothing."

The comic continues by saying her "problem" was that she turned positivity into her brand prior to these claims, always ending her show by telling viewers to be kind. "Had I ended my show by saying 'go (expletive) yourselves,' people would have been pleasantly surprised to find out I'm kind," she jokes.

DeGeneres goes on to say the "extremes" in Hollywood, where she has gone back and forth between being loved and hated over the years, has been a "real test for my ego and my self-esteem."

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"There are people who love you and idolize you, and then there are people who hate you, just really loudly hate you," she says. "Sometimes, I long for my childhood, when I just had good old fashioned neglect."

But DeGeneres looks back warmly on working at her talk show in the special, while joking about instances where she was a "very immature boss," and she says that since it ended, she has been "trying to figure out what to do" with all her free time.

As she wraps up, the "Finding Nemo" star shares that she is "happy" being a "multifaceted" person and concludes that while the idea that people thought she was mean "consumed" her "for a long time," she has since gained perspective. "Caring what people think to a degree is healthy, but not if it affects your mental health," she says. "So after a lifetime of caring, I just can't anymore."

The comedian received a warm reception from the crowd throughout the set, drawing an applause break lasting about 60 seconds after stating, "I'm honest, I'm generous, I'm sensitive and thoughtful, but I'm tough, and I'm impatient, and I'm demanding. I'm direct. I'm a strong woman."

When she announced "For Your Approval," DeGeneres claimed it would be her final comedy special. "Yes, I'm going to talk about it," she previously said. "Yes, this is my last special. Yes, Portia really is that pretty in real life." She closed the set on a serious note, getting emotional as she said she is "so glad I got to say goodbye on my terms," and "this is a night I will always remember."

Contributing: Taijuan Moorman

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Ellen DeGeneres Netflix special: How she addressed scandal