Yahoo Lifestyle Conan O’Brien Oscars Monologue: Best Jokes, Touching Moments, Adam Sandler’s Shorts And John Lithgow’s Glower
With a lead-in that included a sentimental tribute to fire-ravaged Los Angeles and then Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo performing several showstoppers from Wicked, “four-time Oscar viewer” Conan O’Brien made his Oscar hosting debut tonight with a lot to prove. And what better way than to emerge Substance-like from Demi Moore?
“That was weird,” O’Brien said about the gross, body-horror special effect – he seemingly left behind a shoe somewhere in the innards of Moore – and got tonight’s opening Oscars monologue off to a fine start. O’Brien employed his trademark self-deprecating humor to put a stamp on his Oscar performance, taking it easy on the stars in the audience.
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“I know you’re thinking, Did Conan not have work done?,” he asked. “He looks his age.”
Some other high points of the monologue:
After mentioning A Complete Unknown, A Real Pain and Nosferatu, O’Brien said those were just some of the names he was called on the red carpet;
On Wicked: “The perfect movie for anyone who’s ever finished watching The Wizard of Oz and thought, Sure, but where did all the minor characters go to college?”
Netflix “leads all the studios with an impressive 18 count – 18 price increases.”
“I loved The Brutalist. I really did. I didn’t want it to end. And luckily, it didn’t.”
“If you haven’t seen Conclave, it’s a movie about the Catholic Church. But don’t worry.”
“Timothée Chalamet is nominated for his portrayal of Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan wanted to be here tonight, but not that badly.”
O’Brien also had a bit of fun with the Amazon-James Bond situation, joking that the new 007 would be played by Steven Belsky, Amazon’s vp of global affairs. “The ladies love him,” O’Brien deadpanned as a very staid, corporate pic of Belsky flashed onscreen. The comic also noted that Jeff Bezos arrived via Amazon delivery — but the box was stolen.
Among the best bits was a repeated joke about how tonight’s winners will be ushered off stage for going long not by the usual music, but by cutting to a “disappointed”-looking John Lithgow — with Lithgow all but stealing the opening with a perfectly dour looking expression.
Another famous face had a featured spot in tonight’s monologue: Adam Sandler, who did his goofy-voiced irate bit after O’Brien pointed out his decided lack of formal attire (Sandler was dressed in a hoodie and basketball shorts).
“Adam, what are you wearing?” O’Brien asked. “You’re dressed like a guy playing video poker at 2 a.m.”
“Nobody even thought about what I was wearing until you brought it up,” Sandler snapped. “I like the way I look. Because I’m a good person. I don’t care about what I wear and what I don’t wear. My snazzy gym shorts and fluffy sweatshirt offend you so much that you had to mock me in front my peers!”
On his way out, Sandler yelled, in one of his trademark voices, “Chalamet!” into the ear of the Complete Unknown star, getting a laugh from the crowd and a hug from Chalamet.
But the best joke of the monologue was O’Brien’s reference to one of the evening’s pre-show controversies: “Anora uses the F word 479 times,” O’Brien said. “That’s three more than the record set by Karla Sofía Gascón’s publicist….And Karla, if you are going to tweet about the Oscars, remember, my name is Jimmy Kimmel.”
And finally, before wrapping things up, O’Brien changed course a bit and got serious, honoring all the below-the-line Hollywood workers who year after year, through any number of traumas like the L.A. wildfires, help create “the magic, the madness, the grandeur and the joy of film.”
The “seemingly absurd” ritual of the Oscars, he pledged, will be back next year, just as always. “But I will not — I’m leaving Hollywood to run a bed and breakfast.”
Then O’Brien put a capper on the opening by pledging to waste no time on superfluous bits, right before doing a quick song-and-dance that was designed to, yes, waste time.
You can watch his monologue below.
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