Bride's 'brutal' message to best friend over weight gain

·Lifestyle & Entertainment Producer
·4-min read

A woman has taken to social media to question whether or not she's being unreasonable in thinking she wasn't chosen as a bridesmaid by her best friend because of her weight.

The woman shared a screenshot of a text she had received from her best friend after finding out on social media that she wasn't part of the bridal party despite the pair discussing over the years that she would be when the time came.

A bridal party clinking glasses
A woman has shared the 'brutal' message she received from her best friend about why she wasn't chosen as a bridesmaid. Photo: Getty

"We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married," she wrote on Mumsnet.

"This afternoon she tagged four friends on Facebook introducing them as her 'team bride'. I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride."

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The bride responded saying she didn't think being a bridesmaid would be "right" for the friend. 

When asked why, the bride sent a lengthy message that read: "I just think the dress would be an issue given how you feel about yourself right now.

"I've know for ages (before [fiancé] even proposed) what kind of bridesmaid dresses I wanted. I know the style wouldn't compliment your body shape or be something you'd ever typically wear and I know you'd feel uncomfortable if you did have to wear it.

A screenshot from a bride to her friend
The message had the poster thinking the bride thought she was too big for planned bridesmaid dresses. Photo: Mumsnet

"I have my heart set on those dresses and I wouldn't expect you to wear something that wasn't right for you but I also wouldn't want to compromise and change my dresses."

She continued: "All of the girls love them and would feel super happy wearing them. I want you at my wedding being your happy self, not uncomfortable or self-conscious in a dress I've asked you to wear."

The friend explained that she'd had a baby and gained around 20kg and had told the bride she felt "awful about myself". 

"I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

"All four girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the 'image' if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

"She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!"

A woman in a wedding dress with her bridesmaids wearing pink
The poster also shared that all the other bridesmaids wear size 8 or 10, whereas she is now in a 16 or 18. Photo: Getty

She questioned whether she was being unreasonable in thinking the bride hadn't chosen her because of her appearance and was only thinking "about having 'perfect' pictures".

"Jesus... that is absolutely brutal. What a horrible person she is. You don't need someone that superficial in your life," one user commented. 

"Wow! She is not a good friend," another added.

"Wow. She wouldn't be my friend any longer and I definitely wouldn't be going to the wedding!" someone else wrote.

"She is not a friend! Who on earth prioritises the dress they want their bridesmaids to wear above having actual close friends as bridesmaids!" another added.

However, some didn't agree that the bride was being rude with one user writing: "She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

"I’d also feel uncomfortable in certain clothes and it would make me self conscious. I think she’s trying to be a good friend."

Another asked: "I actually think her message is sensitive. She’s not wrong though is she? Would you have been fine wearing the dress?"

The friend responded: "Right now I probably wouldn’t. But the wedding isn’t right now, it’s a year away and I’m more than confident I could drop my 3 stone gain in a year, especially with the incentive of a dress to get into."

Others suggested she respond to the bride by sending her the Mumsnet thread so she can see how offensive her messages really were. 

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