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Bride shocked by friend's 'tacky' comment about her engagement ring
A woman has taken to Reddit to see if she's in the wrong following an odd interaction with her friend that left her feeling a little shocked.
The bride-to-be took to the Am I the A**hole subreddit to share her dilemma, revealing she recently got engaged to her boyfriend of six years, who works in the tech industry and earns "a very good amount".
The poster revealed her fiancé picked "the most perfect ring for me", but added she knows it cost upwards of $40,000, though her partner won't tell her the exact amount.
The couple is planning on holding an engagement party and have invited a small group of close friends.
"I've already sent out the invites to my inner circle and all of them have RSVPd saying they could make it, including the friend in question, 'Amy'," she wrote. "Amy and I met at my work and have been close friends for about four years.
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"However, she is definitely my most complicated friendship. Amy (25F) is a young single mom and has struggled financially. Throughout the years, I have offered a lot of financial support to her such as paying for her meals and trips, paying for her daughter's school trips and gifts, purchasing home goods for them, etc."
When she caught up with Amy following the engagement, Amy questioned how much the woman's fiancé had paid for the ring, which she refused to share, simply saying she believes it was "probably pretty expensive".
"Then she said, 'It looks like it's at least $50,000...Don't you think it's kind of sh***y to spend that much on a ring when even a fifth of that money could've pulled a family out of poverty?' I was frankly shocked when she made that comment.
"I'm a firm believer that you should never tell someone how to spend their money, especially if they're a close friend who's trying to share a happy moment with you. I tried lightening up the situation, but then she pushed further and said, 'But seriously though...he could've donated half of that to a nice charity and probably saved many lives. Wow, rich people really surprise me sometimes.'"
The bride-to-be then reflected on the situation and decided she didn't want Amy coming to the engagement party.
"It takes me a while to get over rude comments like hers and I just did not want any tension/unresolved anger at our celebration," she wrote. "I shot her a text explaining how her comments were upsetting to me and how her words were not only demeaning but disrespectful. As a result, I told her I would no longer feel comfortable with her attending my engagement party. I told her I hope we can talk through this issue more, but that my decision regarding the party was final.
"She responded shortly after apologizing for the comment and said how she didn't know it would affect me that much. She promised she'd be better about it and asked me to reconsider the party because she's already bought an outfit and hired a babysitter, and was looking forward to celebrating with me.
"She also added that if I was going to uninvite her from the party over such a small thing, she'd 'misjudged my character.' I'll admit, I can be a pushover sometimes. I did immediately feel bad after her message. I talked with my fiancé about this and he supported my decision fully, but I can't help but feel like I was too harsh. Was I the a**hole here after all?"
Most commenters believed the bride was in the right, with one user writing, "NTA [Not the A**hole]: She bought an outfit just for a party? Doesn't she know she could have donated that money to a homeless person and bought them food for a week?!"
"I second this," another added. "I, myself, am a single mom with a slew of ill-advised marriages under my belt. And I will admit, I've been jealous of other friends having good men and all the trimmings I want.
"Having said that, I would NEVER say something so tacky to any of them. I smile and congratulate them, genuinely and sincerely, and then try to renew my faith that at some point, I will also get my happy ending. NTA, she was rude and tacky."
"NTA- She was the a**hole," another added. "That sounds like narcissistic abuse to me. People who s**t on other folks' good fortune are usually just jealous and angry they don’t have what you have. I’d be wary of her being my friend too. No one needs friends that aren’t supportive and can’t keep their judgey s**t to themselves."
The poster responded, saying, "I think I agree with you because there have been times where she's asked me to introduce her to some of my fiance's friends so she can also get a 'rich man to support her financially'. It's hypocritical because she is now berating me for this lifestyle when she has expressed many times how she wants it too in her future."
Some also pointed out that Amy likely doesn't know if the couple already gives to charity.
Others, however, thought Amy was right with one user writing, "Your friend was rude, but she's also right."
"I'm with you," another agreed. "Such a ridiculous waste of money [in my opinion]. The friend was tactless and offensive but also completely correct."
Many also defended the couple with one writing, "Being able to afford nice things isn't a crime. Have you ever splurged on an item? Price doesn't matter, it's all relative.
"If you've ever splurged on anything, you're a hypocrite because by your logic we should all be donating our extra money. OP and her fiancé make a lot of money. Yay for them! They can spend it however the hell they'd like, and it sounds like they are already charitable."
"I think you misjudged her character," another added. "She's using you to pay for what she can't, and has just decided to slice open her golden goose."
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