Big Sister Wants to Give D.C. Plane Crash Victim ‘One Last Hug’: ‘She Was the World to My Family’ (Exclusive)

• Sarah Best was one of 67 people killed in the D.C. plane crash on Jan. 29

• Here, her sister Jessica Haynes remembers her life — as a sibling and an aunt, a wife, as a teacher, as a lawyer — and the legacy she leaves behind

• “What I just want you to know is she's so special,” Haynes says

There are occasional moments, in days since the Washington, D.C., plane crash that killed her little sister, when Jessica Haynes’ boundless grief slips into something almost like acceptance.

And then a memory comes — some reminder, big or small, of the million ways in which Sarah Best had changed her life; even just seeing The Wild Robot on streaming and remembering how her sister had recommended the movie — and the entire unthinkable tragedy instantly hits her all over again.

“I don't know why she's gone,” Haynes tells PEOPLE. “It doesn't make sense.”

Best, 33, was the youngest of three sisters, after Haynes and Jennifer Best, the oldest. She, Haynes and their mom have birthdays just one day apart from each other.

A native of Clarksville, Tenn., Best graduated as her high school valedictorian and then summa cum laude from Vanderbilt University where her husband, Daniel Solomon, now works as a lecturer.

She went on to be a high school math teacher in Tennessee and, more recently, was an attorney in Washington, D.C., after graduating from the University of Pennsylvania’s law school.

“What I just want you to know is she's so special,” Haynes says. “She was the world to my family. We love her so, so much.”

Related: U.S. Army Pilot Rebecca Lobach, 28, Identified as Third Soldier on Black Hawk Helicopter in D.C. Plane Crash

Best was returning from Wichita, Kan., on a work trip when the passenger jet she was on collided, mid-air, with an Army helicopter just outside Ronald Reagan National Airport as the plane was preparing to land late on Wednesday, Jan. 29.

All 67 people, including the three soldiers on the helicopter, are believed to have died, marking the worst aviation disaster in America in more than 20 years.

The cause of the crash remains under investigation, with questions raised about whether the helicopter’s crew made some kind of mistake.

Best’s family is left to live without her — and to try and do the impossible thing of fitting her life, her successes and her joy, her hopes and dreams, into a few quotes and memories. (Solomon, Best’s husband, tells PEOPLE he is not yet ready to give an interview.)

“Yesterday we had an argument among our family about why did they take her?” says Haynes, 35. “It would be better if it were one of us, because she was the one who impacted everyone.”

“I can't even do her justice. I can't even speak about how amazing she is,” Haynes says, adding, “Even doing this interview with you, I can't even tell you how great she is. It makes me so sad.”

"This is the most painful thing a human can possibly go through, especially I've been only thinking about myself, because it's so painful for me and my older sister, but then my dad too, my mom, that's their little baby," Haynes says.

No headline would be long enough for Best’s life; no story long enough to fit her family’s love. But they’ll try anyway.

She was “super, super smart,” her sister says, though that barely scratches the surface: “She was so, so selfless. … For 10 years [after getting married], she didn't go on a honeymoon because all she did was work, work, work, work,” Haynes says.

“She wanted to change the world and she could have,” she says of Best. “She really could have.”

An associate at the D.C. law firm Wilkinson Stekloff, Best “wanted to speak for those who had no voice, especially in education and immigration,” Haynes says. More recently, Haynes says, Best had relished settling into her apartment in the nation's capital: "She would send us all these pictures and be like, 'Do you like this couch?' And she was just so excited about her apartment. It was finally her own time."

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

In high school, a teacher once compared Best to a “shark in the pond,”

“But more than this, Sarah was unusually perceptive, empathetic and supportive,” their older sister, Jennifer, said in a written tribute.

“In high school, when I was stressed studying for tests, she drew good luck signs and taped them to my bedroom door during the night so I could see them in the morning,” Jennifer said of Sarah. “When everyone in our family thought Jessica, the middle sister, was a hopeless trouble maker, she stood up for her and gave her unconditional love.”

Indeed, Jennifer recalled, “up to the very day she died, my sisters and I were texting each other in our group thread, as we did everyday, multiple times a day, and even as the youngest one of us, she was always providing sage advice.”

Haynes, who now lives in Bentonville, Ark., says, simply: “She was my protector.”

In a quirk of fate, Haynes’ daughter, Aria, was named by Best.

“I had a really hard time thinking of a name. I couldn't think of any name. And then I broke my ankle when I was 38 weeks pregnant,” Haynes explains. “And so we had to schedule a C-section. Sarah and me, we had already made a promise that if my baby was born on Feb. 21, which is her anniversary, then we would name her ‘Aria.’ “

Lo and behold: “I broke my ankle and the doctor was like, ‘Okay, we need to schedule the C-section on Feb. 21.’ ”

As for the name itself, “the reason she picked Aria was she loved doing crossword puzzles with her husband, and Aria was the first word she learned for The New York Times crossword puzzle,” Haynes says.

Related: Dad Remembers How Daughter Killed in D.C. Plane Crash Adored Traveling and Taylor Swift: 'Lit Up Every Room' (Exclusive)

The name is doubly significant: “Aria means 'air.' It also means an independent part of an opera,” Haynes says. “So it emphasizes both independence and standing alone while also being a greater part of a composition.”

Jennifer, their sister, also recently gave birth, to a son named Juni.

“The last time I got to see her in person was when she threw my baby shower in August,” Jennifer said in her written tribute. “She emceed the event. I was so proud when guests who only met her briefly told me how brilliant and amazing she was, and that they have never met anyone like her.

“It was her idea to have our guests draw and write messages for Juni’s first ABC book. She was going to come out in the spring to meet him. We had already facetime’d, and she sang him lullabies through the phone.”

Juni will never meet his “incredible auntie Sarah and he won’t realize how much of a loss this is, because there is truly no one like her,” Jennifer said.

“But I will tell him about her, I will show her the art she has left behind,” Jennifer said, “and I’ll be the better person that she has always encouraged us to be.”

Lately, Haynes has found herself returning to an old gift from Best — a homemade book, of sorts, with a sweet and sassy title: Jessica Best's Personalized Book of Wise Words, Advice, and Inspiring Quotes to Get Her Through ANYTHING (a collection of words created by her favorite sister, Sarah Best).

Different sections include “Ego Boosters” and “What Love Should Be Like,” an entire list of “the most beautiful sentences in literature” as well as chapters on “Useful Favors You May Need” and “A Letter To My Future Husband” (plus “A Letter For When You're Being a Dumbass”).

“That's what she put in there, just like little things to get me through life, little advices,” Haynes says.

So “when she died,” Haynes says, “I thought maybe there could be something in there to help me get through her death. I don't know.”

Unfortunately, life isn’t always so neat.

Still, Haynes says, in flipping through the book “I can hear her voice when I read all the little things that she wrote in here and … she speaks in a way that no one else speaks.”

“I can't believe I'm her sister. ... I just want her back so bad."

Related: Father Whose Family Perished in D.C. Plane Crash Built Backyard Ice Rink For Daughters (Exclusive)

She’s been struck by the words of a friend of Best’s, who wrote on social media that “those who never met you are at a bigger loss than I ever will be."

“And I think that's true,” Haynes says. “I lost her, but I got to know her.”

Amid the grief, there has been one bit of good news. Best’s body has been identified, which means her family can take her home.

“We can actually go and give her a hug,” says Haynes.

“That's all I've been wanting,” she says of her sister. “You die when someone dies. You just want to give them one last hug. So I can do that.”

Read the original article on People