Slip under the covers with Ebony Leigh, an insatiable sex writer who's done the leg work. Delving in to all things erotic and taboo, she's Yahoo's answer to Carrie Bradshaw, if she was a Samantha.
If there is ever anything I can do to improve the sexual desire of readers everywhere, consider it a challenge accepted.
Even if it goes against what science repeatedly told me. Because according to the experts, there’s no such thing as food that puts you in the mood.
“There is not enough evidence that suggests aphrodisiacs are the direct sole cause of a change in sexual desire, attraction, pleasure or behaviour,” Leslie Scholl, a Psychosexual Therapist from the LoveLife Clinic, broke to me.
“There have been some small studies that have shown an association with change, but that does not suggest people should be ingesting natural substances or foods solely for the hope of change in sexual function or appetite.”
Yet there is just something so delicious about doing something you're told not to.
Aphrodite and the $50 Coles shop
“Aphrodisiacs have a long history and there is reference to them dating back to ancient times,” Gemma Cribb, a Clinical Psychologist at Equilibrium Psychology, told me.
“In fact, the word aphrodisiac relates to the Ancient Greek goddess of love, Aphrodite.”
While Gemma insists that despite this long history there is little evidence to support the efficacy of natural substances thought to be aphrodisiacs, I couldn’t help but wonder.
So, armed with scientific scepticism and a shopping list Aphrodite would be proud of, I headed to my nearest Coles and spent $50 on what I hoped would be a newfound lust for life.
From fruit to vegetables, coffee and chocolate, I filled my basket with every item an in-depth Google search had suggested in a bid to get my blood pumping.
After loading my porridge with pomegranates, strawberries and lashings of honey, I snacked on a banana and carrot midmorning because I’d read that foods resembling sexual organs are believed to be stimulating.
Whether it’s true or not, it did feel sensually satisfying.
By 1.34pm, I felt the first rush of blood heading south. Suddenly, I was very turned on.
Had the stress of the day got to me, I thought, or was the experiment working already? Either way, I sent my new date a photo of me lying on my bed, camera pointed down at my black lace lingerie.
“Wish I was there...” he replied.
It was then all I could think about for the rest of the day which I capped off with roasted asparagus, garlic bread, watermelon and dark chocolate.
I woke up with a jolt, overwhelmingly in the mood. After a few hectic weeks, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d started my day like that.
Next up was brunch with the girls which gave me my coffee, avocado and chill flake fix, which I blamed for what happened next.
An hour later, lying alone on the beautician’s table while my eyebrow tint developed, I was hit with a sudden surge down below.
In what can only be described as the least sexiest environment, my fingers crept down my gym leggings as the pressure swelled.
Fortunately it was date night. And after sitting through a dinner of salmon and avocado sushi and sashimi, I was able to finally give in to my escalating desires.
“It’s just because you’re new and shiny,” I teased my date, after experiencing the longest orgasm of my entire life.
Morning sex went down a treat, followed by homemade pancakes with pomegranates, strawberries, dark chocolate drops and a heavy-handed dousing of honey.
Lying on the couch afterwards, cuddles soon turned R-rated when I pulled out my vibrator.
With it on my clitoris and him inside me, I came twice. One after the other. Something I had always struggled to do.
Keeping up the literal heat, I had spicy noodles for dinner followed by watermelon and more chocolate.
I unfortunately woke up with the flu but my libido wasn’t calling in sick.
Despite sniffling my way through the day, I still felt incredibly turned on. And found my hands kept dropping between my legs as if they were out of my control.
Again I had spicy noodles for dinner followed by watermelon and dried figs, with half a bottle of honey squeezed into copious amounts of tea. Because it appeared to be doing more than just curing a sore throat.
Still struck down and unwell, I was no longer feeling any lingering passion.
Calling a hail Mary, I administered myself a double dose. Avocado on toast followed by avocado on crackers, with strawberries and pomegranates in my yoghurt.
Phallus-shaped vegetables rounded out my day, as I bit down on celery and garlic-drenched asparagus, dreaming of something else.
Feeling much improved, date night was here and I’d prepared a pre-dinner cheese board to accompany his champagne. Except there wasn’t any cheese. It was just asparagus, celery, watermelon and dark chocolate.
Finally it was time for the crème de la crème. The show stopper I’d been waiting for. And just like magic, by the time we’d devoured a dozen oysters, as well as a couple of espresso martinis, we were practically clawing the clothes off each other at the restaurant table.
Stopping for just one more drink at a rooftop bar on our way home, his hands crept into my coat and up the bottom of my dress. Sliding my g-string down my legs, he ran his hands over my bare skin, while we stood just metres from other guests.
I couldn’t take it any longer.
Downing our gins, we hurried back to my apartment and had one of the wildest nights of my life..
By dawn, I was utterly spent yet still so turned on.
Waking up my date with him in my palm, I pulled until he was ready to do it all over again.
Two orgasms later, I was successfully drained of all aphrodisiac-induced sexual desire.
A fruitful undertaking
Science would have me believe that my supercharged week was all in my head.
“The change that people experience normally comes through the intention of the aphrodisiac,” Leslie said. “It could also be called the placebo effect.”
She explained that humans are likely to experience increased desire and pleasure if they set themselves up for it.
For say, an experiment.
“Essentially, it is not just buying and eating aphrodisiacs to enhance any sexual experience, it is the thought, effort and suggestiveness of the experience that creates change.”
But whether I manifested or masticated my heightened desire and satisfaction, there’s no denying the power of sexual suggestion.
So while I won’t be buying any more asparagus or celery any time soon, there’s something to be said about literally spicing up your sex life.
And I’ll always cheers to that!
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