Yahoo Lifestyle 27 Brutally Honest Confessions From A Non-Rich Kid Who Went To An Elite Private School With Super-Rich Kids
The subreddit r/AMA is one of my very favorite places on the whole entire world wide web. There, users who've had interesting and unique life experiences invite people to "Ask Me Anything." When I browse through these conversations, I'm always coming across perspectives threads that I'd never considered before.
Unlike the echo chambers I find in many other social media channels, these r/AMA threads teach me things, give me new empathy for people who seem very different than me on paper, and change how I think about the world around me.
Recently, a former student at a prestigious private school hosted an AMA, and it was equal parts fascinating and eye-opening.
She kicked off the conversation by writing, "I studied at a super prestigious private school full of millionaires/billionaires/celebrity's kids — AMA.
I was one of the only kids in the whole school that wasn’t wealthy or had famous parents. I attended on scholarship.
Let me know what you’re curious about. I'll tell you which stereotypes were true in my experience and give insight to any parents considering sending their kids to this type of school."
Here are some of the most interesting questions and answers from the thread:
1.Q: How did you get in?
A: I got a very high score on the entrance exam. Then my parents met with the admin board about affording the school and they said they would offer me a scholarship based on my good academics.
2.Q: You got in using a scholarship. Does that also cover uniform expenses and/or extracurricular classes like band?
A: Yes, my uniform was paid for, and so were trips. Extracurriculars were free (I played soccer and did theater), but specific classes cost money (like an afterschool cooking class, and I just didn't enroll in those). They probably would've covered that cost anyway, though.
3.Q: What was the most "rich" thing you saw from your classmates while there? Something they did to make you realize, "Yeah, they definitely have disposable income."
A: Offering to take my ENTIRE soccer team and other friends and family to an all-expenses paid trip to Disneyland via their private jet over spring break. There were people whose families owned multiple Ferraris, Porsches, luxury motorcycles, etc. One guy would drive a different one each day to school.
As for clothes and such, it was more common for kids to have to "earn" that stuff themselves. like if they got all A's that semester, they could buy the Gucci shoes they wanted. Someone got a boat as a graduation present because they got into Dartmouth.
The most rampant examples were just parents funding their kids' fake nonprofits and businesses to look good for college. Also, donations to the Ivies (we are talking a couple million here. Anything less doesn't benefit) to guarantee their kid a spot. I suppose in comparison to the tuition, these things aren't THAT crazy, but it seemed so dystopian to me.
4.Q: Did you ever feel envious of the other students or resentful that your family didn’t make as much?
A: I didn't envy them because, from what I saw, people had horrible family dynamics. Sure, they were rich and could go on vacations or pay their way into college, but people hated their families. Parents pushed their kids to the breaking point. I'm glad I didn't grow up with that. I would only get annoyed when they made ignorant comments (about money privilege, etc.), but my parents just assured me that my classmates weren't trying to be rude, they simply just didn't understand.
5.Q: I had a friend in high school who, during freshman year, was accepted on a full scholarship to study at Exeter. He went there for a single year before coming back to our public high school. He said he didn't like the vibe. So, my question is: did you ever consider transferring to a more "normal" school? Why or why not?
A: Nah, I worked too hard to be there. I did think frequently about what my life would be like if I went to a normal school, though.
6.Q: Do you feel the education you received there is better than it would’ve been elsewhere?
A: I did have a good experience there because I tried hard not to focus on my wealth differences and just work hard. And I learned a lot about how people cut corners when they have the money to, lol.
I guess I don’t regret my experience, but I don’t think I would’ve been less successful if I went to a public school. I would be less ambitious, though. I’d probably have a lot more genuine friends, though, and would have beeen less stressed out. I don't think private school made me any smarter; it just prepared me for the intense workload in college.
7.Q: Do you feel it helped you secure a better college or career?
A: It made me more ambitious, and I gained insights on how the top 1% network, etc. It didn't make me smarter, though. So, in ways, it helped me get into a good college, but it was so challenging to measure up and stand out against my peers when they had so many more resources and things I didn't.
8.Q: Can you give us a summary of the trajectory of your life so far?
A: I graduated summa cum laude from a top 20 university, got my degree in psych. Got married and had a kid (one of the first people in my graduating class to do that, most people were focused on fully establishing their careers first). I was on track to go to med school but had to drop out because of unforeseen circumstances. I was working on Alzheimer's research. Hopefully, I can resume that in the next few years. i'm currently a stay-at-home mom and provide college counseling.
9.Q: Will you put your kid in a similar school?
A: I'm going to wait and see what would be best for him. Maybe for high school.
10.Q: Which celebrities' kids did you go to school with?
A: Not gonna out the celeb's kids, but it was mostly CEO’s kids along with some famous athletes and model’s kids. And one pretty famous American actress’s kid.
11.Q: Did you ever meet the kids celebrity parents?
A: I met a lot of CEO parents all the time and went to their houses. I wasn’t friends with anyone who had celeb parents but I saw them at school once in a while picking up their kid. They didn’t seem out of place or extra special at all.
12.Q: Did you ever feel out of place, or was everyone pretty chill?
A: I didn’t feel out of place because we had uniforms, and I didn’t invite people over to my house. But I’d go over to their mansion parties or occasionally see classmates with shoes that cost nearly a grand and then it would hit me, lmao. I just tried to keep my head down and focus on my schoolwork.
People were chill for the most part, but they could be ignorant as hell. In high school, my parents made a lot more money, and we moved into a four-bedroom house. I had a friend over for the first time. She later asked me if that was my only house because it was so “tiny,” lol. Or people would be extremely confused as to why I haven’t been to Paris yet, why I couldn’t ski, and why I wouldn’t join them for a senior trip to Hawaii.
13.Q: How did the other kids treat you?
A: Kids were nice because, to put it bluntly, I was smarter than them without all the expensive tutoring and connections. They invited me to their mansion parties and weren’t ever outright rude. They could be a bit ignorant sometimes about money but that wasn’t really their fault with how they grew up. My parents were definitely outcasted at events, though.
14.Q: Are the people who you consider your best friends from the rich school group? If not where did you meet your best friends?
A: I had some friends who were on scholarship because they were teachers' kids. I also had genius friends in my AP classes and friends who weren't so smart, but they got in just because they were rich. I'm not really in contact with the third group, but I do meet up with my fellow scholarship kids if I'm in town. Those people were more genuine friends and we could talk about our actual problems and help each other. I couldn't vent to the rich kids because, well, they just didn't understand, and I didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable or like I was blaming them/jealous. I check in with some of my old lab partners once in a while just to see how their research/career is going. They are also genuine people, I'm just not that close with them still.
I also sometimes felt like I had to repay my rich friends. They'd give me an overly expensive gift for my birthday, and my parents and I would feel bad because I obviously couldn't match that for them. anyway, there was a weird dynamic or pressure at times, but it was a rare occurrence for the most part.
15.Q: Did you ever date one of the students, and, if so, how did their parents treat you?
A: Other parents weren't that friendly. My parents were outcasts, never invited to get-togethers.
The students were fine honestly. I never seriously dated anyone, but I went out with some guys that ended up being arrogant or very immature.
16.Q: Were there genuine relationships/friendships there?
A: It was hard to make good friends because people were not loyal. I would hear so many girls trashing their best friends over absolutely nothing. People would quickly move on from each other. It was more so their shallow/materialistic personalities that created a toxic environment. They chased clout and popularity (which wasn't just based on wealth. It was also how smart you were, if you were excelling in a sport or music, or how good-looking you were).
I imagine some of the richest kids did feel used at times. Like, they would pay for their friends a lot, even though their friends were also pretty wealthy. They would get invited to birthday parties just because they would probably give an expensive gift to the host.
17.Q: You ever get invited to their mansions for birthday or summer parties? I’m thinking Saltburn. Let’s hear some stories.
A: Yep, huge mansions, think Beverly Hills style. The parties were boring and nonexistent, though, because everyone had very strict parents and were too worried about their future to get expelled over some drugs.
The wildest story is just kids drinking, getting the police called on them, and all of them getting expelled, only to be let back in a week later because their parents donated enough money and threatened to sue or something.
18.Q: What was the most scandalous shit you saw kids getting away with?
A: No scandals. It was hella boring for the most part. Kids were too stressed trying to live up to their parents' expectations. The craziest things were just mass cheating on exams.
19.Q: I definitely want to know more about the mass cheating. How did that happen?
A: Well, when your parents are super rich or successful, they have a lot of expectations for their kids. Like, I'd hear my friends talk about how much pressure they were under, and it really felt like their parents didn't even truly care about them. They just didn't want to taint their reputation by having a kid go to (GASP!) a lowly T30 [top 30] university. I never even wished I was rich because I felt so bad for these kids who didn't even have a genuine connection with their families.
The cheating annoyed me a lot, though. I couldn't risk anything like that because my parents couldn't just throw money at the admin to get me back in if I was caught and expelled, lol.
Students were extremely smart and figured out how to hack the school software to gain access to the test banks. They made copies of the keys to the teachers' lounges and would sneak in to take pics of the tests. We had to turn in our phones before taking tests, but some kids had TWO phones, one just for cheating (like sending a pic of the test or texting kids during the test). It was wild. And so many people would get caught but admin would look the other way because they didn't want to deal with parents. Same thing if someone was caught vaping or doing drugs.
20.Q: Were cases of child abuse harder to deal with because the parents were so connected?
A: I didn't personally know of any child abuse cases within my school. However, we had several girls reporting assault and asking the admin to take action against the boys who were responsible. However, nothing EVER happened to those guys because their parents threatened legal action against the girls and were big donors. The boys were never expelled, and colleges weren't notified of their crimes.
21.Q: Did anyone drop out or get expelled and never come back?
A: Yes, people were expelled, but they were fine because their parents still paid to get them into a top college. The school wouldn't write on their record about whatever they did. They were just asked to transfer elsewhere.
22.Q: Did the other students know how privileged they were?
A: They were ignorant at times but ultimately knew they were lucky. Like they’d ask me why I haven’t been to Paris yet or use the job my dad had as an insult. Like, “Oh, my ex is so stupid he’ll end up working X job after high school." There were definitely a few jerks who didn’t appreciate what they had at all, lol.
23.Q: What are the habits of the wealthy? What separates them from the average person?
A: Their mansion parties and expensive vacations I guess, haha. From what I noticed, most people didn't have a good relationship with their parents or genuine friendships. They grew up in toxic households, had so much pressure on them to excel, and were all clout-chasers.
24.Q: What became of them after school? Did they have independent careers or live off of their parents' money and connections?
A: Hardly anyone is self-made. Not trying to throw shade but most have trust funds and aren’t paying a cent of their college or grad tuition. There are some who started big companies, but a few pursued careers in which they don’t make nearly enough to pay rent because they have their inherited wealth to live off.
They always have a cushion of wealth, so they get to fully pursue their dream careers regardless of practicality, if that makes sense. They’re successful based on nepotism in the business or fashion industry. But we also had some crazy-smart people tho who accomplished a lot without nepotism, and I'm super proud of them.
25.Q: Did any of them not go onto college?
A: Only one person didn't go to college (another scholarship kid who struggled a lot with keeping up with the academic competition). Everyone's parents had high expectations, so not going to college was absolutely not an option.
26.Q: Do y’all get places in life because of who you know or because you’re actually smart?
A: People were quite smart there (they had to be to keep up with the intense academics). However, they also had access to things like expensive tutoring, SAT prep, and more time (not having to work a part-time job in high school). Also, they could get internships easily based on who they knew (mostly family and family-friend connections). They could pay to get into programs (summer programs, research, etc.). Lots of people got into top colleges because of connections, donations, or lots of legacy (not everyone was like this, but many were).
27.Q: What were the most important lessons you learned from the CEO parents? Or information you learned they taught their kids?
A: That I don't want to raise my kids like them. I saw first-hand how stressed out their poor children were, trying to live up to crazy expectations. It didn't seem like most of them had a good relationship with their parents at all, so I definitely know what not to do, lol. I'm grateful that my parents never treated me like I was their personal puppet only there to boost their reputation.
Can you relate to any of her experiences? Or did any of her answers surprise you? Tell us what you think in the comments!
And if you've had a life experience that you'd like to answer questions about for a future BuzzFeed post, let me know in this anonymous Google form.
