Yahoo Lifestyle This Woman Asked The Internet If She Was Overreacting To Her Fiancé's Behavior, And She Might Not Like What They Had To Say
As cliche as this sounds, when your gut tells you something is off, listening to that is important. That's what happened with this OP (original poster) who posted in the r/relationshipadvice subreddit asking if she was overreacting over a situation with her fiance and a female friend. Here's the situation.
The OP started off by writing, "Ok, so for context, my fiancé and I are getting married in two months and we’ve been friends with this girl who joined his frisbee team for about three or four months. We were all out with the team for an end of season party and my fiancé was paying this girl a lot of special attention (sitting as far away from me at the table to talk to her and one other person). At one point, he got up to grab him and her a water but didn’t check in with me at all."
"That’s fine, I can get my own water, but definitely out of character. When we all got up to go, my fiance (who is crazy tall) told her his coat was the perfect size for the two of them (he’s constant pointing out how short and tiny she is). He proceeds to open his coat and invite her inside with him where he closes it and wraps her up. All of our friends stop talking and stare at me before laughing awkwardly when he lets her out," the OP continued.
"Flash forward to later that evening at one of the teammates’ houses. He puts her shoes inside his and makes another joke about how cute and small she is. Flash forward again to the bar we all go to. He buys her drink and opens his own tab instead of putting his drink on mine, orders for her, and repeatedly asks her if he can carry her stuff (she does have a sprained thumb), but she says she’s fine multiple times. At the end of the night, he invites her back to our house to crash because her Uber home was going to be way too expensive that time of night, but she doesn’t ask me first (we end up having two other people stay, too)," the OP added.
"The next morning, he goes out to breakfast with her and the other two teammates but doesn’t return until 11:30. That would be fine, but we were supposed to be at my best friend’s son’s birthday party at 10. After all this, he acts like nothing is wrong and has since told me I’m too jealous. But he’s also joining a soccer team now with her and two of our other friends," wrote the OP.
"It kind of feels like he has a crush on her, but I don’t know if I’m overreacting or how I should bring it up without making it seem accusatory," the OP finished.
Now, here is what the people of Reddit had to say about the OP's situation (and they didn't hold back).
The friends checking in said everything.
"You are underreacting. A full weekend of this behavior, so out of line that even your friends checked it? Yeah, you need to call off the wedding. He’s definitely not ready to be married, and you deserve better than this gaslighting douchecanoe."
This commenter had the hard-hitting questions.
"Would you be okay with this if you were married? He’s already 'totally committed,' and just no. Beyond inappropriate, and though I do not jump to the worst case, I wonder how he behaves when you aren’t there? I would put the wedding on hold. I would. I strongly suggest premarital counseling yesterday. The worst part is that he blamed your jealousy. Classic deflection. Everyone there had to wonder what you are thinking about marrying someone who behaves like this. You saw their faces. If you get on board with pretending that everything is okay, you are signing up for years of this. I say years because I can’t believe you would stick around when this continues. It will. It’s your fault. You have a problem.
According to him. What bothers me is that you do not want to make a big deal out of this. It is a big deal. And. Not the first time, is it? The comments about other women. The blatant flirting in front of you. Maybe this is the worst he’s behaved in front of you, but there have been other things. Don’t be this woman. The one who lets things slide because she wants to turn a blind eye. The one who doesn’t want to call off a wedding because of what people will think. The weak woman who allows her husband to disrespect her and the relationship with this behavior. Delay. I’m guessing he won’t agree to therapy because you are the problem. If so, walk. I can’t imagine what it would take to go ahead at any point with someone who has so little respect for me. So, respect yourself. He doesn’t."
This person didn't waste any time with what they thought the OP should do.
"Just break up with him. If you marry this guy you will be a doormat and he will cheat on you."
This commenter thinks the OP should express their feelings.
"It’s possible to stay firm with him — both in expressing your feelings about his behavior and what you consider to be appropriate and inappropriate things to do with other people while in a committed relationship — all without making any accusations or assumptions.
“you can say, 'This doesn’t feel right to me, and I’d like for you to understand and respect how I feel. I’d like to better understand your perspective on this and how you feel about your interactions with her, and hopefully, we can reach a point of mutual understanding and figure out a set of expectations for the future that we can both agree on.'"
And lastly, this commenter really validated the OP.
"He's calling your intolerance of his disrespect 'jealousy.' He's wrong. Do not marry this man."
