This Woman Wants To Know If She's An A**hole For Lashing Out At A Coworker Who Was Pushing Her To Donate Gifts For Christmas

Gather 'round everyone, it's time to dive into my favorite corner of the internet, the subreddit called Am I the Asshole? This is where Reddit users tell the internet about situations they're in and ask if they're the asshole for how they handled it.

Today's case involves the workplace and the holidays, but with quite the twist. This story comes from u/BlackGirlKnickers. She said, "My job has adopted a family for Xmas and there are many gift options to choose from to get each adult and child. The gift options have started to fly off the board. Cool. But apparently someone has noticed that I haven’t been joining in on the conversation about what option they chose, or what to buy a teenage boy or girl."

"Now a little background on me. I grew up extremely poor, as in when these holidays came around it was nothing but misery for my siblings and I. Thanksgiving was just a normal dinner for us unless we were forced to visit family. And we rarely got anything for Christmas. My mom felt that we needed to be around family during the holidays, so we were always forced to go over to families' houses for Xmas and watch the kids have everything we never had. Some of my worst childhood memories were waking up on Christmas Day to nothing. We never had a tree or presents to put under it."

"At some point my mom signed us up for these 'adopt a family/firetruck' to bring gifts, or whatever charity you could think of, just like the one my job is doing. She did it for years and no one ever came through for us ever. So it’s safe to say that I feel some kind of way about these so-called charities."

"So back to my coworker. I told her that these people are not my responsibility and if she felt so strongly about it then she should grab an extra card off the board. I know I shouldn’t have said that, but the anger in me just spilled over. She then replied that I didn’t have to be a Grinch, to which I said, ‘If you keep harassing me about why I chose to not celebrate then it will become an HR issue.' She dropped it after that."

A majority of users said she was not the asshole, and discussed how people shouldn't push their Christmas spirit onto others. User TheLastAirBison said, "There's a difference between being generous, being pushy and nosey, and being downright rude. Christmas isn't always a time for love and understanding for everyone."

User Harvard_Diplomat said, "Can't stand these types. Maybe you are doing that giving in your own terms and within your community. Maybe in another religion's timeline."

"You don't need to be forced to give more by an asshole at work. Report the jerk. That is a workplace, not a community center for the homeless."

"She should have only mentioned it once and accepted your first answer, end of story. While I think some of these causes are worthwhile, I also don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Whether it's for financial reasons, something rooted in trauma, or many other reasons, it should never be forced. That’s entirely against the spirit of giving anyway," said user pandora840.

Some users found the coworker's behavior downright rude, like user shammy_dammy. "This is not compulsory and they need to stop harassing you over it."

And user ImaginaryPark6311's agreement came from personal experience. "I have certain charities that are close to my heart and it is a super rare occurrence that I donate to something else."

"The original poster should not have been asked to participate or harassed for not participating. We all have our reasons for doing things, and no need to offer explanations."

Then, some users like BlueGreen_1956 shared how they set boundaries in this kind of situation. "I have a very simple rule about any kind of solicitation: Once I say 'No, thank you,' if you proceed to say anything else, you open yourself up to being told to go fuck yourself."

On the other hand, while users like 2npac agreed that she wasn't the asshole, they also gave the original poster some advice. "Not the asshole for not contributing, but you need to talk to a therapist. It sounds like you hold a lot of anger and resentment from your youth that you've carried over into adulthood."

"I grew up poor as well, and one thing it's taught me is to appreciate what you have. It makes me want to help those less fortunate even more. It's not healthy to hold onto all of that bitterness."

"Not the asshole, but the original poster is at risk of becoming a straight up asshole without some internal work. Nothing good comes from that kind of resentment," said user After_Match_5165.

"Original poster definitely shouldn’t donate if they don’t feel inclined but they need therapy. It’s 2024. We break generational trauma, not perpetuate it," agreed user biglipsmagoo.

And finally, user easythrowaway12345 encouraged the original poster to go to HR. "It doesn’t matter what your reasons are, I can only imagine how you feel. I would advise going to HR because she escalated the situation from putting pressure on you to gossiping."

"When you go to HR, please remember that you must make it their problem to get traction. Saying 'I don’t want to participate' may or may not help your case."

What do you think? Is she wrong for how she responded to her coworker, or was her response justified? Let us know in the comments.

Comments have been edited for length and clarity.