Yahoo Lifestyle "There Were Numerous Red Flags": People Who Got Divorced Within A Year Of Getting Married Are Revealing How Their Spouse Changed For The Worst
Note: The below story discusses emotional and physical abuse and contains mentions of suicide.
When people get married, it makes sense that they will believe that their relationship will last forever. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. So, to provide a little empathy to this difficult situation, we asked the BuzzFeed Community: "Have you ever gotten divorced before hitting your one-year anniversary with your partner? If so, we want to know what happened," and people shared their vulnerable stories below:
1."We lasted two months! He was my high school sweetheart, but we both had a rough home life. In retrospect, I think we were trying to create a family in order to escape ours at home. He ended up cheating with a friend, and the affair produced a son. If I hadn’t left him, I would’ve never graduated high school and gotten my bachelor’s and master’s degrees. I am a much happier person than I would’ve been had I stayed."
2."I filed for divorce 10 days before our one-year wedding anniversary. My husband and I had dated for six years, were engaged for one, and were married for less than one year. Throughout the entirety of our 8-year relationship, there were numerous red flags, but he would gaslight me into thinking that I was crazy for thinking his behavior or actions were inappropriate, manipulative, or emotionally abusive. In particular, he had a 'friend' for whom he would drop everything in an instant if she needed 'help.' For example, he once left me alone to shovel our driveway out after a snowstorm while he went to her house to help her shovel hers. His excuse? 'She's not as independent as you.' She eventually moved away, and I thought the physical distance would eliminate the issue. I was dead wrong."
"I accidentally found out from a mutual friend he had a secret Snapchat account. It was wrong of me, but I hacked his Snapchat account and learned he had been using it to communicate with her and that he had been secretly giving her money behind my back for years. Meanwhile, he was always crying poor and making me pay for everything from dinners out to our bills.
I was done being his — and her — bank account. He decided to go out of town with his family for a vacation a few weeks before our first wedding anniversary, which gave me time to secure a divorce lawyer, move my stuff out of our house, and sever all of our mutual accounts. He came home to an empty house and divorce papers two days before our anniversary. I left and never looked back. The best decision I ever made."
—Liz, 36, New York
3."We were young at the time, about 21 and 23, and had felt pressured to get married since we were living together in North Carolina. He was going to school for criminal justice and working part-time, and I was working part-time and going to school for nursing. He told me to go up to New York to see my family, and while I was there, he told me he wanted to separate. All the while, he was hooking up with a classmate he had met in school. I came back, got my stuff, and moved back to New York. We lasted just one year. I had to later start the divorce process because he wouldn't. I later found out that he and his classmate got pregnant quickly and married not long after our divorce was finalized."
—Anonymous, 33, New York
4."The obscene name-calling and physical threats started on day two of the honeymoon."
5."In today’s world, when both men and women are equally educated and capable of taking a stand on their own. Well, in my case, it was an arranged marriage, and all their family wanted was a money-making machine and a chance for their son to get higher education with my parent's money. They planned it all well, and initially, they didn't demand money, but within two days post-marriage, they started showing signs and demanding money and gold and property, which was agreed upon."
"They bullied me, buttered me, and pressured me to ask my parents what they told me what I truly deserve, and all that’s mine is my husbands, as they claimed. When I didn't agree to their demands, they tried to make false allegations and stories, eventually blackmailing my family. I had to go to the court, and thankfully, I got back half of the money, and we had to go for a settlement.
Now, I know most of the people who got married in recent years faced a similar issue, and they all got divorced within a few weeks. I think it’s society and men’s families who feel entitled and dare to demand, and obviously, these spineless men should be ashamed of themselves. But all they do is get new prey and move on because society will always favor men.
If the men and women are given essential counseling and if they are really ready for a marriage, go for it. And divorce is no longer a stigma. Please get out of an abusive marriage and know a child will never solve any problems but create more. Also, the marriage cost should be shared equally by both the bride and groom. It’s better to stay unmarried than be in the wrong marriage. It’s your life, and if women start taking a strong stand and being crystal clear about what they want and not involve too many people in their marital life, things will get better. Never stay with your parents. Move out and live your life. If it doesn’t work, get a new one. Never cling to something that is never going to work."
—Anonymous, 31, India
6."He left me for one of my good friends while my mother was dying of cancer in the hospital after being married for just six months. What a waste of money and time!"
—Anonymous, 47, Canada
7."It was my third marriage. I was sure this time it would last. We had lived together for just over seven years. He treated me like I mattered to him. The wedding was perfect; over 200 of OUR friends showed up for the reception. What could go wrong? Within a week, he turned bossy, uncaring, and selfish. It was like now he had me, so he could do as he really wanted to. Example: I would get up in the morning to do breakfast and he would say, 'What the F do you want?' He began drinking heavily in the evening after work and fell asleep on the sofa. When I tried to wake him to go to bed, I was knocked across the room and told to leave him be."
"He started being physically abusive. I realized I didn't know this side of him. I became frightened for my safety. There was no talking with him. He would just stare at me and say I was overreacting; he was the husband, the man of the house, and I was to do as he said.
That summer, we were invited to a cottage party for the weekend. I 'conveniently' became ill and couldn't go. I called my son, and over the weekend, we packed and moved my clothes, etc., and 90% of the furniture that I had brought into the marriage. When he came back to town, he tracked me down and said I was to return. NO WAY, I said, and to this day, I am happy and single and planning on staying that way."
—Anonymous, 71, Canada
8."I got married for the second time in November 2022 and was separated by May 2023. There were red flags I overlooked (mostly compatibility-wise), but nothing that could have prepared me for the final straw. This is a very specific situation, but still. My sibling disclosed sexual abuse from a family member to me. It was our dad. I wanted to confront him and call in a welfare check on the remaining children he had that we had never been allowed to meet. Of course, my ex was not supportive and said to stay out of it. I was shocked and confused and felt betrayed. The fallout not only ended my marriage but caused my sibling to relapse, so it was extremely stressful. I needed my ex to be there for me, but he was not. I was thinking of taking a trip with my other sibling to try and ensure our other siblings (in the care of our dad) were safe, but my ex tampered with my car to prevent me from going."
"I was livid and beyond shocked, as I use this vehicle to drive my daughter in daily, so he not only put me in danger but my daughter as well. That was it for me. I separated immediately, never looked back, and have no regrets. I was surprised at the amount of people who tried to convince me not to leave and that I overreacted, which I think really speaks to how insidious abusive behavior can be and how abusers can carefully craft a good public image."
—Anonymous, 33, Missouri
9."After we got married, I found out my spouse had episodes of bowel incontinence, and to make matters worse, he did not want to wear any underwear. He was so fake that he'd lied about most of the things that would sustain a marriage. About six months after our marriage, he decided to retire from his job even though he had a ton of bills. He knew I had a good-paying job, and he was ready to be cared for. He forgot I had a son who was very protective of his mommy."
—Anonymous, 55, Georgia
10."Well, we dated for five years, But she would not move in with me till we got married. I finally caved, and we got married. She then alienated all of my friends and couldn't hold a job. She treated the marriage certificate like an 'ownership.' Then, we constantly fought over money, and within six months, we separated and then divorced. Even her parents agreed that I had done my best, and they even still liked me afterward!"
—Alan, 66, Ontario
11."When we met, I was coming out of a five-year relationship that had ended due to not wanting the same things for our future. I was heartbroken, and I fell for my ex-husband quickly. It seemed like we were perfect for each other. He said all the right things and wanted everything I did in life. He convinced me to elope, and it was only after we were married that I learned who he really was. He had hidden a drug addiction, an arrest record, and so much more from me. Almost immediately, he stopped working and relied on me to support him and deal with his hidden debt. I was still determined to try to make it work out of some twisted pride to prove I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life. Then, his family informed me that he was cheating and brought his 'girlfriend' to a family event."
"Meanwhile, I was working two jobs to support us. Finally, I told him I was done and he needed to leave. He physically attacked me and then threatened to kill me and himself. I did leave, and I ended the relationship with him. Luckily, there were no repercussions from him.
I was a college-educated woman from an upper-middle-class family. But I was young and naive. I didn't realize a person could lie and manipulate another human being in that way. As awful as the whole thing was, I learned a lot about trust and relationships.
I met my current husband a little over a year later. He was the first person I dated after the divorce. We dated for four years before I felt ready to marry. We have been together for almost 14 years now and are happily raising our family. If nothing else, my experience gave me the perspective to love and appreciate the man my husband is so much more. He is an amazing partner and father who treats me with kindness and respect every day."
—Anonymous, 40, Texas
Did you get divorced within a year of getting married? Tell us what happened in the comments below.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
