“The Ultimatum”'s Sandy Calls Her Journey a 'Disaster' and Opens Up About Nick's 'Emotional Volatility' (Exclusive)

Warning: this story contains spoilers from The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On's season 3 finale and reunion.

Sandy Gallagher is looking back on her journey on The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On.

The reality star made waves in season 3 as her relationship with Nick Tramontin was put to the test to figure out if an engagement or breakup was on the horizon. After entering a trial marriage with J.R. Warren, Sandy faced a lot of highs and lows — all while staying committed to the process.

In the end, she and Nick decided to go their separate ways, with Sandy noting that they still had a lot to "work through." During the reunion, the exes confirmed they are still not together but Nick said Sandy helped him check into rehab after he started "drinking a lot" post-show. Sandy also admitted she felt "bombarded" by Nick's actions "every day" for the last year and was "really exhausted" by their relationship.

Nick later apologized for the "emotionally aggressive energy" he directed at Sandy, saying: "I reacted very poorly, I went to a very dark state ... I felt very unsafe and scared." He later added, "I'm sorry that I f---ed it up for you," and wrote in a post on Instagram: "Mistakes were made..."

Below, Sandy speaks to PEOPLE about her time on the show, her breakup with Nick, and her hopes for the future.

Related: The Ultimatum Season 3: Who Got Engaged and Who Split

PEOPLE: What were your expectations coming into the show?

SANDY GALLAGHER: I think we both were just really hopeful that this would give us the answers in our relationship. I definitely did not think that it would turn out the way that it did. I could never imagine that it would unfold like this.

You immediately formed a strong bond with J.R. Warren and then went into a trial marriage together. What do you think that he was giving you that your ex Nick Tramontin wasn't?

SG: J.R. showed up a lot. He was giving me a lot of emotional rounding in our trial marriage, which is something that I wasn't really used to in my relationship with Nick. It was nice to experience that from an emotional standpoint.

The thing with J.R. is, in terms of his personality, he's very different than any other guy that I've dated. I typically date men that are way more in tune with their emotions and lead with that, whereas J.R. does not. I actually had to pull the emotions out of J.R. more, which I've never had to do in a relationship. So that was a different, a new experience for me.

Nick was clearly very emotional on the show. Can you shed more light into those heated moments and why they also made you cry as a result?

That night was a big turning point in the whole process. What we're seeing is Nick obviously being extremely emotional — understandably so. He has a very unique experience being alone and so I totally understand why there would be emotions, frustrations [and] heartbreak.

But what we're actually seeing unfold is something that is actually very inappropriate. I know exactly what was happening because it's like a cyclical pattern with Nick's emotional volatility. I've been in this position many times with him before where he has really unregulated emotions and it causes him to do certain things [or] act a certain way. I knew with the emotional and mental state that he was in, the best thing for me to do was to disengage.

And what we also don't get to see, because it happened off camera, he was calling me about a hundred times that night. It wasn't just one call [saying] that he's scared and that he loves me. The communication was very unhealthy. We're seeing the very tipping point of what was a lot of very unhealthy communication buildup. When he came to the apartment... it definitely put me in a state where I felt extremely uncomfortable. I don't know how to react in those situations and the best thing that I've learned to do for myself is to just disconnect as much as I can and really not engage when he's in that emotional state.

Related: The Ultimatum's Dave Breaks His Silence on Early Exit with Vanessa, Calls Nick's Behaviors a 'Red Flag on Fire' (Exclusive)

I asked Ultimatum creator Chris Coelen in a previous interview about producers having to intervene during that moment, but he said production is not filming 24/7 and the incident happened after hours.

Yeah, it is something that, to be honest, I would've appreciated producers getting involved in just because it's a very complex situation.

I want to be clear that we're not supposed to be communicating or talking to our original partners so we can really get the most out of this experience. He shouldn't even know where we live, let alone come to the door. It's never happened before. So I was very taken aback by what was going on, and just knowing the emotional state that he was in — he was actually intoxicated — I just knew it was a recipe for disaster. I didn't know what was going to happen with him and J.R. either, so I'm like, "We're just going to shut this down."

But it does not discredit my actual sympathy for him in that moment. I love Nick so much, and I've been there with him through a lot of things, a lot of emotional situations like this. I just think this one in particular could get really bad, so I wanted to avoid it.

Related: The Ultimatum Creator Breaks Down That 'Unexpected Twist' in Season 3 and 1 Man's 'Zero to 100' Meltdown (Exclusive)

Do you feel like Nick's actions throughout the process were genuine because he missed you or more because he felt threatened by your connection with J.R.?

I think Nick's response to all of this was because he felt scared to be alone. He was alone, which is not supposed to happen and that was a new situation that I don't think anybody knew how to handle.

Nick was going through his own internal struggles and that was a big reason [as to why] I felt frustrated [in the beginning]. I had a lot of resentment towards Nick because, prior to this experience, he was very, very distant from me and disconnected and very neglective. Once we came here, it was quite literally the opposite. I just felt that it was at a really inappropriate time because we're in this experience, we are filming... the behavior switch-up felt a little inauthentic to me. But I know now looking back that it was genuine for him and he really was just struggling and going through it. I think there's a lot that we both can learn and take away from that. But I think it had more to do with himself, and less to do with J.R.

After everything that unfolded during your trial marriage with J.R., you reunited with Nick to enter a trial marriage with him. At that point, had you already made up your mind about an engagement with Nick?

Going into my trial marriage with Nick, I actually was very hopeful. There was a point going into the switch-over that I thought maybe we should just leave and go home together, me and Nick. But I wanted to really give this whole process my full commitment. So I tried to put everything aside, and I know that he did the same, and I just wanted to be with him and work through the stuff that we came there to work through.

What about heading into proposal day? You ultimately ended things, but did you know what you were going to say before that moment?

Leading up to that, we discussed that it's probably not the smartest or most responsible thing for us to get engaged at the end of this. There were a lot of things that we did not get to work through, which were core struggles in our relationship. A lot of those [were] around the emotional volatility and some other internal things that we didn't work through on camera. So I think going into the proposal, we both knew that this was the end and it was a really sad moment.

The part that people don't get to see is how much I really, truly love Nick and the things we have been through in our relationship and what I've stayed by his side through. It's really challenging having that deep soul connection, [being] in love with somebody, and knowing that they're not the right partner for you. And that's exactly what was happening.

Do you feel like the breakup would've happened regardless, or you needed the show to get this outcome?

I think the show and this experience expedites your answer. There's nothing natural about [the process] — it would literally never happen outside of this experience. And we got the answer, but the way that it all unfolded was a disaster.

I also want to be really clear that my decision at the end of it had nothing to do with J.R. and everything to do with Nick. I don't think the outcome would've been different necessarily. It just maybe would've taken us two, three more years to get there, and that's the beauty in this. That's why I really wanted to honor and respect this process at the end of it, whichever the decision was, because I didn't want to find myself two more years down the line going over the same issues and having the same things come up if it's not my life partner or my spouse.

Do you have any regrets about the process?

There's a lot of things that I would've done differently and I wish that I could do differently. In regards to my instant connection with J.R., I could have handled it with a bit more respect and been forthcoming, open and honest about information to Nick. Me leaning into that so quickly ... I lacked some awareness around how that was making Nick feel.

The last thing I want to do is hurt somebody that I love. That stems from trying to avoid another emotional tantrum crash-out on camera for the world to see, because it's really, really difficult exposing every single detail of your personal life and your love life.

I also think talking to Zaina and trying to give her reassurance that she didn't ask for and that she did not need in that moment was very out of line for me. I love and adore and respect Zaina... but I should have just not said anything. That was not appropriate of me. I think I messed up in a lot of different ways throughout the process, and I've just tried to learn and grow from all of it as much as I can.

What's your relationship status today?

I have done a lot of internal emotional spiritual work on myself over the last year and had a lot of opportunities to reflect and grow as a person and as a partner, but I've been focused on myself. I have not dated. I know it sounds cliche, but I really have just been spending that energy, putting it back into myself to make myself the best person that I can be. And I'm working on a lot of things with my career and my personal life.

It's definitely been a process to separate from this whole experience. So when it's the right time, I'll be open to meeting somebody. I've been waiting my whole life to have the "When you know, you know," feeling, and I won't settle until I find that. So I'm excited.

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Season 3 of The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On is now streaming in full on Netflix.

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