Trixie Mattel reveals she canceled shows over mental health struggle: 'I would cry while I was getting in drag'

The "Drag Race" and "Bald and the Beautiful" queen spoke to Muna band members about taking care of herself on tour: "I just couldn't keep the floodgate up."

Drag superstar Trixie Mattel opened up about the mental health toll of touring in a new, emotional interview with pop band MUNA.

The RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 3 winner and UNHhhh cohost appeared on a recent episode of the group's Gayotic podcast to discuss her life and career, with the 34-year-old eventually making a candid revelation about past concert dates that she canceled over an intense internal battle.

While Trixie and MUNA band members Katie Gavin, Josette Maskin, and Naomi McPherson broke down trauma responses, the Drag Race alum said she had to force herself to take a break from performing in mid-2023 to heal.

"I have always been really good at compartmentalizing, in a good way. As an artist, sometimes you have to flick that off until you're done with a show," Trixie said. "Last summer, I had to cancel a bunch of shows because I would cry while I was getting in drag — all of it. Cry up until I went on, cry during the show, and cry immediately after. I just couldn't keep the floodgate up. So, I had to be like, I've got to pull these shows. I literally can barely get in drag."

Trixie added that "it's never happened before" in the roughly 10 years that she's been a famous RuGirl after first appearing on Drag Race season 7 in 2014. "I learned like, God, you as an artist can sometimes put up the block. Sometimes I scare myself, especially on camera. My mom could die and then I could go on camera and you would never know."

She said grappling with those moments sometimes lead to questioning her life in the spotlight, which results in an uncomfortable feeling of guilt.

"There are moments where you feel so, 'Why did I want this?' And then you feel bad for not brazenly being grateful and loving it," Trixie said. "The nerve of me looking in the mirror being like, 'F--- this show tonight.'"

<p>Amanda Edwards/Getty</p> Trixie Mattel

Amanda Edwards/Getty

Trixie Mattel

Entertainment Weekly could not verify all of the dates Trixie reportedly canceled in 2023, though a local San Francisco news outlet reported in August that the entertainer pulled out of the city's Outside Lands event. EW has reached out to a representative for Trixie for more information.

Since her debut run on Drag Race, Trixie returned to compete on All Stars 3 in 2018, and eventually taking the title over fellow season 7 queen (and All Stars 3 finalist) Kennedy Davenport. Post-show success saw Trixie partner with her Drag Race sister Katya for both the popular UNHhhh talk series and their Bald and the Beautiful podcast, launch her beloved Trixie Cosmetics line, and star in her real estate-themed hotel makeover docuseries Trixie Motel.

Trixie also unveiled a less-glamorous side of her professional life in the 2019 documentary Moving Parts — including a sequence that highlights a particularly difficult period in her friendship with Katya, just before the latter sought treatment for addiction.

"It's something everybody can relate to: Two friends going through a patch that there's no handbook to," Mattel told EW at the time. "There's a day [in here] that was probably one of the worst days of our lives, and, surprise, it's recorded.... We were both very uncomfortable watching it, but that's exactly how it was and how it felt."

Listen to Trixie discuss her mental health on tour in the podcast episode above.

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