TikTok’s Matt and Abby Made Headlines After ‘Big Wake-Up Call' Controversy: How Viral Fame Shapes Their Parenting (Exclusive)

At ages 25 and 26, the former high school sweethearts have set boundaries for posting about their lives as parents to two toddlers

In keeping their millions of followers updated on their lives, Matt and Abby Howard aren't just opening themselves up to fans and friends. With every picture, post and podcast, the viral couple steps within firing range of haters and harsh critics, too — those who scrutinize their every action and word without hesitating to call out what they deem the Howards' latest misstep.

After four years of social media stardom, Matt, 26, and Abby, 25, know to expect some negativity as they continue sharing their lives as young parents of two: sons Griffin, 2, and August, 14 months. The high school sweethearts are also well aware that there's not much to do about the backlash anyway, at least not if it costs them the quality that made them famous in the first place: their relatability.

"Knowing that there's going to be a lot of people seeing it, and not every person's going to resonate with it or understand, especially because there's a lot of context ...  a level of that does cross our minds," Abby tells PEOPLE exclusively. "But ultimately, I don't want it to affect our authenticity as people, because that's something that I'm very proud of."

Related: TikTokers Matt and Abby Break Silence After Leaving Kids in Room to Go to Dinner on Cruise: 'Completely Untrue'

Since 2020, one year after they married, the Arizona-based creator duo have documented their highs and lows on TikTok and Instagram, between which they have over 6 million followers. Some of their more playful videos riff on their relationship dynamic and experiences as parents of two kids under the age of two, while other posts follow more standard day-in-the-life formats. Their 2022 TikTok titled "Day 26 of being parents" clipped together footage of Matt caring for baby Griffin in the early hours of the morning; the video reached over 14 million viewers and garnered more than 2 million likes.

Since their toddlers have grown out of infancy, The Unplanned Podcast co-hosts made the decision to conceal their kids' faces in videos and photos. Their main concern is safety, the duo tells PEOPLE, and they sync up to curate their content accordingly. Matt and Abby say that they don't post any videos or photos without both of them signing off on it.

"Privacy for our family is very important, so that's an area that we run by each other," says Abby. "Anything regarding our children's health, that's something that's really important. And details about location, whether that's when we're traveling or our own home."

"We also rarely post in real-time," Matt adds. Recently, the parents traveled to Memphis to St. Jude Children's Hospital learning about how to help raise funds for childhood cancer research. At the time, however, Matt says they were posting about their move to a new home in Arizona. "A lot of our content is backdated just for privacy and security."

Related: TikTok's Matt and Abby Howard Face Criticism for Leaving 1- and 2-Year-Old Sons Alone in Room During Dinner on Cruise

That said, the couple acknowledges that they have made some oversights. In September, they made mainstream headlines when Abby posted on Instagram Stories during their cruise vacation with the kids. She told her followers that she and Matt went to dinner without their boys and used FaceTime to monitor them in the room.

In the controversial post, Abby explained that she and Matt had been bringing Griffin and August along to dinners aboard the cruise, but after five nights, "it became apparent that they weren't enjoying it and therefore we weren't either," she wrote on Instagram, continuing, "So THEN we switched our dinner time to AFTER their bedtime and FaceTimed the monitors while we ate."

At the time, Abby also noted that their baby monitors "don't work on board" the cruise ship "unless you're only like 10 feet away." Referring to their dinnertime solution, she added, "And that worked out muchhhh better for everyone."

Social media users quickly responded to what they read as the Howards' decision to leave their sons unattended on the ship. Several YouTube and TikTok creators made videos detailing safety concerns about the situation.

Related: TikTok Couple Matt and Abby Howard Are Boycotting Father’s Day After He Says Their 2023 Holiday Was 'a Bummer'

Soon after the debacle spread across the internet and media wires, Matt uploaded a clarification statement claiming that the children were not alone while they were dining and that he and Abby had "someone with our children at all times." About a month after the incident, Matt tells PEOPLE that they were traveling with Abby's extended family, who were able to watch the kids while the podcasters dined separately.

"Usually if people are upset with us online, it's usually just some drama accounts on TikTok making videos, or on YouTube or whatever. But what's different about this one is it hit tabloids and news articles," says Matt. "I think that was a big wake-up call like, 'Okay, we got to be very careful when we post something to be very clear with what's going on.'"

Abby agrees, "I think in hindsight that's a new thing that I would be like, 'Hey, Matt, double check this. Am I telling this story accurately? I know it's just a snapshot, but does this represent the situation correctly?'"

In addition to protecting their kids, the viral personalities also take precautions to keep themselves safe, especially when it comes to their mental well-being. With so much criticism coming their way — whether because of a misconstrued situation or viewers' more generally hateful comments — Abby decided to shut it out as much as possible by deleting TikTok off her phone.

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"She was like, 'I don't need this. I can make videos and we'll just have someone post the video for us, and that'll be it,'" Matt recalls of his wife's step back from social media. "She just realized, 'For my mental health, I don't need to see something negative.'"

It's not just about the hateful or hurtful voices online either. The parents agree that too much praise can be just as difficult to process as the opposite.

"For anyone to see a mass amount of hate or mass amount of positivity towards them, I think as humans, we're really not wired for that. It's very unnatural," says Matt.

Abby says she drew the line when she felt herself realizing that feedback could affect who she is. "I just really wanted to take back control and autonomy over my own time," she shares.

While she's no less "thankful for everyone that watches" their content, she said the constant flow of input in the comments section became overwhelming. She didn't want to jeopardize any parts of her life that exist outside of social media, "especially when it comes to my marriage and my family," she says.

But just because Abby prefers to remain offline, that doesn't mean she's oblivious to ongoing conversations. She tells PEOPLE she knows "what's being said" about her, and she still feels the impact of being judged or taken out of context. "I can imagine no one likes that feeling of being misunderstood," Abby adds.

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Instead of expending energy getting angry or fighting back, the mom of two further disconnects. In those moments when she feels so scrutinized, Abby says she takes the opportunity to "reground myself in where my identity comes from."

"I remember to take a breath and spend some time with my kid. I'm always spending time with my kids, but really uninterrupted, no phones around time, going to the park, cooking a meal," she describes.

In the absence of TikTok on her phone, Abby has found much-needed peace.

"Truthfully, it has been such a great moment of clarity," she admits. Neither she nor Matt have any plans to slow down their content, but for the time being, Abby says she doesn't see herself redownloading the app that brought her such widespread attention.

"I know a lot of good things come from it," she says. "But for me personally, I just don't think it's [something] I have the time for at this stage of life."