'Ridiculous' school lunchbox demand floors Aussie mum: 'Why should my daughter miss out'

When I was in Grade 3, I remember being jealous of other kids’ lunch boxes — not that mine was bad, but it was healthy. Fruit, yoghurt, and a sandwich were the main players, that I would eat while looking longingly at the Roll-Ups, Twisties, and Mamee Monster noodle snacks in the lunch boxes of my peers.

But times have changed since then. Kids may still envy each other’s lunches, but according to a mum on TikTok, it’s fresh (read: expensive) berries that are a hot commodity among young children.

Steph, who regularly sends her eight-year-old daughter to school with strawberries and blueberries in her lunchbox, took to the app to share how another mum at school asked her to cease packing the berries — but not for the reason you may think.

Speaking to Yahoo Lifestyle, Steph explained how the situation had unfolded and how it had made her feel "uncomfortable" and that she felt like she was "doing something wrong."

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Mum asked to stop packing berries in daughter's lunch

Steph shared her dilemma on TikTok and asked others what they would do in her position.

“I had a mother from school message me and ask me if I could stop sending my daughter to school with strawberries and blueberries because her daughter is asking her to buy them and she can’t afford them,” Steph explained in the video. “So she wants me to stop giving them to my child because she doesn't want her daughter to be upset.

“And a part of me feels bad … they play together and she can’t afford the strawberries and the blueberries, like I get it. But then why should my daughter miss out?”

Naturally, the post sparked quite a discussion. Among the nearly 2000 comments, many asked Steph if she could simply send her daughter to school with extra berries to share with her classmates. However, she explained that this wasn’t an option as the school had a strict no-sharing policy.

Sharing is not an option

“It became more strict since Covid, and although I do find it ridiculous the amount of restrictions in place, I do understand the reasons behind them and I respect the school’s rules,” Steph told Yahoo Lifestyle. “They can’t guarantee the health and safety of food prepared at home, and with the amount of allergies it makes sense that it’s not a risk worth taking.”

Sharing aside, there were a number of thoughtful solutions posited by those who commented on Steph’s post.

“Go to Bunnings and buy her a pot, soil and some strawberry plants,” one person suggested. “Get your daughter to maybe make a little card to give with it.”

“Can you give the mum a punnet of strawberries at pickup?” another asked. “Maybe explain that you’d love to share but it goes against school policy.”

However, others were far less understanding of the other mum’s request.

“You shouldn’t have to appease another parent so they feel better about themselves,” one commenter wrote. “Not your problem!”

“I’m in the situation of the other mum, sometimes my son asks for (berries) and I can’t afford them,” another mother offered. “I just tell him ‘not this time mate, they are too expensive’. It’s not your issue, keep giving them to your daughter.”

'Like I was doing something wrong'

Speaking to Yahoo Lifestyle, Steph said she could definitely understand the other mum’s point of view and felt bad for her daughter.

“But at the same time I would have never said what she said, nor would I have contacted another mother and asked what she asked of me,” she added. “I definitely thought it was strange, but thought maybe I was the one not rationalising.

“Initially I felt uncomfortable like I was doing something wrong, like I was the minority of mum sending these types of fruit … but then quickly realised I was just doing what my daughter liked for her fruit break.”

Steph noted that she had a lot of mixed feedback from the post, including suggestions that she deliver fruit to the other mum before school which she said was “ridiculous”.

“To be honest this shouldn’t even be something I need to worry about,” she added. “I won’t be changing what I pack (for my daughter). Like always, it’s her choice for fruit break and I’ll continue to pack what she likes.”

How will the situation affect the kids?

It seems like a reasonable solution — after all, it’s Steph’s choice as to what food she sends her kid to school with. But how could this conflict affect the two schoolgirls?

Melbourne psychologist and director of the Australian Association of Psychologists Carly Dober explained that children were actually incredibly perceptive. While they might not have the vocabulary to articulate what they are noticing or what the cause of stress is, she said they still “soak up energy” and can accurately understand that something is going on.

On that note, the girls might actually understand from an emotional perspective how the cost of living crisis is affecting their parents or friends’ parents. The girl whose mother can’t afford the berries may also feel hard done by — but Dober said she could also be completely unphased.

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“(Children) would probably overhear concerns about money and bills,” Dober told Yahoo Lifestyle. “They might understand these concerns to be sadness or anger, and know that mum or dad aren’t their usual selves, and might be more preoccupied than usual."

She continued, “Children understand empathy quite well, and while it is something that is developing at that age, they typically want to support their parents or caregivers to feel better."

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