Relationship expert reveals how to get it on after a dry spell

There are many great, great things about long-term relationships: a bestie that usually always has your back, someone to spoon on the lounge while watching Law & Order: SVU repeats, someone to split the bills with, someone to drag along to special occasions and family events, someone who should be loving you despite your flaws and vice versa. But we've all heard the phrase "the honeymoon period is over", which loosely translates to you've stopped bonking like rabbits.

It becomes hard to then not spiral out: is this healthy? Is this normal? Are our sexual appetites compatible? Are we still even attracted to each other? It's a pretty normal part of every relationship during some stage that attraction may ebb and flow — work, children, financial stress, and being time-poor are all factors that get in the way of intimacy but it doesn't mean it all has to be doom and gloom from there.

For things to work long-term, key comparabilities are pretty crucial. But what does that mean? Sexologist Chantelle Otten recently released the second season of her podcast on Audible, Sex Therapy by Chantelle Otten, and spoke to Yahoo Lifestyle about what is more important than sexual compatibility when it comes to sustaining a healthy long-term relationship.

Chantelle Otten on what makes long-term relationships thrive

If you're finding intimacy with your partner has dwindled, Chantelle advises focusing in on key compatibilities is a better place to start.

"For long-term relationships to thrive, key compatibilities include shared values, effective communication, and mutual respect," Chantelle said.

"Shared values—such as how you view finances, family, and future goals—create a strong foundation, ensuring you’re moving in the same direction together. Effective communication is crucial because it allows you to navigate conflicts, express needs, and stay connected emotionally. Mutual respect, where both partners value each other’s opinions, feelings, and autonomy, fosters a healthy, supportive environment.

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Chantelle said while sexual compatibility is important, the shared values and effective communication often determine the happiness found in long-term partnerships.

"While sexual compatibility is important, these core areas often determine the overall stability and happiness in a long-term relationship," she pointed out.

But how important is sexual attraction in a romantic relationship?

Sure, it's important, but if it's coming in ebbs and flows (no pun inteded), that's also totally OK and understandable.

"Sexual attraction is an important component of a long-term relationship, but it’s not the sole factor that determines success or failure," Chantelle told Yahoo Lifestyle. "It’s natural for sexual chemistry to ebb and flow over time, and a relationship built on strong values, shared goals, and deep emotional connection can certainly thrive even if the initial spark isn’t as intense."

How do you get it on again after a dry spell?

If you've figured out your key compatibilities are aligned and you're still attracted to each other, it's still sometimes daunting to jump back on the horse but it's not impossible.

While Chantelle agrees rekindling sexual intimacy after a long pause can be nerve-wracking, she advises that acknowledging the awkwardness can actually be helpful.

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"Rekindling sexual intimacy after a long pause can feel daunting, but it’s entirely possible with a bit of patience and open communication. Start by acknowledging the awkwardness together—it’s okay to admit that it feels strange, and sometimes that honesty can break the tension," Chantelle said. "Focus on rebuilding emotional intimacy first through small, non-sexual touches, quality time, and meaningful conversations.

"Gradually reintroduce physical intimacy in ways that feel comfortable—cuddling, kissing, or gentle massages. It’s important not to put pressure on yourselves to jump straight back into sex. Instead, explore each other’s bodies with curiosity, and let things develop naturally."

Season 2 of Audible Original series Sex Therapy: Sessions with Chantelle Otten is out now. Listen for free here.

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