Major bedroom concern that both couples and singles have: 'Can feel daunting'

It's not news to us that many people spend a lot of time thinking about, well, sex. Whether you're single or coupled up, sexy thoughts haunt us all, except sometimes they're not that sexy. "Am I having enough sex?" "Is my partner still attracted to me?" "My partner and I stopped having sex, is this bad?" "How often should you be having sex?"

If it's not questions in the girls' group chat, you can bet those questions are being answered on Reddit, Instagram, TikTok, podcasts and more, as people compare themselves to others or stress about how often they're getting off (because nothing sets the mood more).

So how important is sex in the end? Yahoo Lifestyle spoke to Chantelle Otten, sexologist and host of Sex Therapy: Sessions with Chantelle Otten.

How important is sexual attraction in a romantic relationship?

There's no denying modern-day dating is tough. Sometimes you meet someone and hit it off and it's instant fireworks but the connection fizzles over time. Other times, relationships can be a slow burn and the person may feel incredibly right for you, but your sexual attraction doesn't feel as "strong".

"Sexual attraction is an important component of a long-term relationship, but it’s not the sole factor that determines success or failure," Chantelle told Yahoo Lifestyle. "It’s natural for sexual chemistry to ebb and flow over time, and a relationship built on strong values, shared goals, and deep emotional connection can certainly thrive even if the initial spark isn’t as intense."

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Regardless of whether lack of sexual chemistry isn't strong from the get-go or if it dissolves over time, Chantelle said it's important to address things openly.

"If the lack of sexual chemistry is causing dissatisfaction or distance, it’s essential to address it openly. Exploring what might reignite that spark or finding new ways to connect intimately can often lead to a renewed sense of attraction and fulfilment," she advised. "Relationships are complex, and they require nurturing in all areas—emotional, intellectual, and physical."

How do you get back to having sex with your partner after a dry spell?

So you and your partner have been through a bit of a dry spell and suddenly days have turned into weeks and maybe even months and the feeling of being intimate again makes you feel like that 1980s Madonna song.

While Chantelle agrees rekindling sexual intimacy after a long pause can be daunting, she advises that acknowledging the awkwardness can actually be helpful, and it's important to start small, not just go from 0-100.

"Rekindling sexual intimacy after a long pause can feel daunting, but it’s entirely possible with a bit of patience and open communication. Start by acknowledging the awkwardness together—it’s okay to admit that it feels strange, and sometimes that honesty can break the tension," Chantelle saide. "Focus on rebuilding emotional intimacy first through small, non-sexual touches, quality time, and meaningful conversations.

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"Gradually reintroduce physical intimacy in ways that feel comfortable—cuddling, kissing, or gentle massages. It’s important not to put pressure on yourselves to jump straight back into sex. Instead, explore each other’s bodies with curiosity, and let things develop naturally."

How do you get your partner to have more sex with you?

Maybe sex is good when you do have it, but you and your partner have unmatched libidos. You're as horny as a rabbit and your partner would rather be playing Fortnite.

One of our readers told Chantelle that their boyfriend of five years no longer felt like or initiated sex and they were worried that sex now felt like a "chore" to be ticked off. So what can be done to make your partner excited for the deed again? Here's what Chantelle had to say:

"First, it’s important to approach this conversation with empathy and understanding. It’s possible that your boyfriend might be dealing with stress, anxiety, or other factors that are affecting his libido. Start by having an open and non-judgmental discussion about how you’re feeling and ask him about his perspective," she said.

"Together, you can explore what might help reignite his interest—whether that’s reducing stress, trying something new, or simply making more time for intimacy. It’s crucial to frame this as a mutual journey towards better sexual connection, rather than a task or obligation. Reaffirming your emotional bond and exploring new ways to connect can help shift the focus from 'checking off a box' to genuinely enjoying each other."

Season 2 of Audible Original series Sex Therapy: Sessions with Chantelle Otten is out now. Listen for free here.

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