A Real Housewives ‘Tacky, Low, Classless’ Dinner Party for the Ages

Have the Real Housewives ever successfully thrown a classy party? Maybe, but those don’t make it to air.

The best parties consist entirely of classless behavior, where some unlikeable women squabble incoherently, preferably with an exasperated extra or two in the background for some dimension. No one understands that as much as an expert outsider, and that’s why Jennifer Tilly’s first Housewives party as a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast member is a roaring success. Leave it to a seasoned diva to hit a bullseye on her first try.

From the second the words “Caviar Kaspia kaftan party” are uttered, it’s clear Ms. Tilly’s going for the gold. The party gives Kyle Richards a chance to do her favorite thing—wear a kaftan and sit in the middle of a fight audibly aghast—while giving viewers a chance to do our favorite thing: watch rich women fight!

Maybe it’s the shield of her best friend hosting or the doll Tiffany herself, but Sutton is feeling emboldened to be her worst self. God bless America and all the mean women in it.

It’s remarkable that the season trailer hedged on us caring about Dorit vs. Kyle, admittedly a solid feud, when Sutton vs. Dorit is the funniest feud Beverly Hills has had in years. These two are incapable of acting anything but nightmarishly, and as their passiveness has grown into full-on aggression, every moment is a treat.

“Is this because of our tête-à-tête?” Dorit asks when Sutton orders water.

“Is it okay for me to drink waertühr?” Sutton replies. Big hooked on phonics lesson going on here.

This party has everything: ugly outfits, a jumpscare when Garcelle thinks the ghost of Annemarie Wiley will be there, and some exciting fun facts about the life of Jennifer Tilly. Jennifer and her sister Meg are one of two sister pairs to have Academy Award nominations; Gregory Peck once stepped on her dress train; and she’s Chinese American (unlike Cher, who’s Armenian from The Valley).

That’s fun and all, but Sutton is filled with a rage typically seen in women an hour south of Beverly Hills, the same anger that’s fueled countless Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Judge screaming matches. Sutton’s unable to enjoy a single moment of this lunch, launching an attack on Dorit the second the ladies sit down.

So many moments of pure ecstasy take place at this table. Perhaps my favorite is Sutton telling Dorit “you took my bag,” to which Dorit replies “a little humor *European laugh*,” and Sutton imitates the laugh in a truly nasty manner.

See, the issue with Kyle vs. Dorit being a headliner feud is neither of their hearts are fully in it. Kyle would rather just wear a kaftan and cry about her marriage while deflecting from her possible lesbian relationship. With Sutton vs. Dorit, there’s no hope of resolution, of a moment of peace. Their arguments simply exist to test the bounds of how mean two women can be, and for that, I’m grateful.

As Dorit continues her light speculation that Sutton could have a drinking problem, Sutton swings back with some classic classism. The bread and butter of Beverly Hills, classism comes in many forms, from scolding promiscuous divorcée Brandi Glanville for her use of the f-word at the dinner table, to Ken Todd claiming his dog decides what the housekeeper wears.

Here, Sutton argues Dorit should pick on someone “whose wallet fits,” a criticism that doesn’t quite make sense, but does make clear one thing: Sutton’s up here, and Dorit’s down there. It’s the kind of jab that exists simply because it’s low-down and hurtful. Those are the best kind!

Sutton is at her best when her socially awkward behavior is “tacky, low, classless” (thanks Dorit for the astute observation), rather than runt-like. Yes, she’s the dorky little sister who’s often picked on for her behavior, but she’s also a vicious Southern woman who has no issue going as low as she possibly can. We saw that in her first-ever episode, as she did a drive-by shooting of Fenty fashion and Teddi Mellencamp’s existence, and Sutton’s finally swung back to being unrepentant.

Dorit, too, is at her best when she’s being haughty and rude. It’s the way she was during Pantygate, but she soon put aside her natural meanness to be the funny fashionista who thinks everything is “so chic, very chic.”

Ultimately, Sutton’s rude for making fun of Dorit’s admittedly shady finances, but Dorit loses whatever upper ground she may have by insinuating Sutton is chemically imbalanced, especially given Sutton’s familial history.

“If I go as f---ing low as she does, Kyle, I will eviscerate her. I don’t want to go low, but there’s only so much a person will take,” Dorit shares. Please share exactly how much you can take, because I for one would like to see you go even lower, Dorit. It’s fun in the gutter.

The simple truth is the best Housewives feuds are those where both women are in the wrong, even if they’re right about each other. It’s a bit Bethenny vs. Ramona, dare I say. Now all we need is a one-on-one sitdown where no one orders anything and the fight simply gets worse. Maybe toss in a drink throw for good measure.

In other news, the supporting cast of Beverly Hills sprinkled some solo storyline footage amidst World War Dorit. Boz is still on her fertility journey, and her man seems as… himself as ever! Surely that will go well.

Meanwhile, Kyle meets with her therapist/life coach to discuss life without Mauricio—just days before paparazzi photos of him and a much younger woman leak. It’s all pretty engaging, don’t get me wrong, but we’re ignoring the elephant in the room. Morgan Wade exists! Just because she doesn’t want to film anymore doesn’t mean she and Kyle aren’t papped at the gas station once a month, at minimum.

I do believe Kyle’s genuine struggle with being separated and who she is if she’s not a wife. She’s clearly spiraling. It’s just that we’re not getting the full story, here, and that’s not quite Kyle’s fault. A better production team—and a better cast—would prod her further, but Erika’s too busy being nice and normal now, while the rest save their jabs for when Kyle’s not there.

Thankfully, the episode ends with discussion of the Mauricio paparazzi pics (which, yes, are staged… obviously. Mauricio Umansky is not famous enough to get papped in a European airport. No one on Bravo is). Here, Sutton lets her b---- flower bloom even further, questioning if Kyle and Mauricio are engaged in a “war of the roses” in the paparazzi, passive aggressively trying to piss the other off with new, incredulous photos published in The Daily Mail.

That’s the likeliest scenario, so it’s so good to hear someone just call a spade a spade. Will she say that to Kyle’s face? Find out next week on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!

(She won’t).